The Importance of Role Modeling

Recently, I have chosen to share with leaders the following quote by Kevin Cashman: “Leaders get what they exhibit and what they tolerate.” While many leaders right now focus on the word “tolerate”, I have had to remind them of the word “exhibit.” During complex times with many unknown unknowns, we, as leaders, often underestimate the power and importance of role modeling.

The old phrase “actions speak louder than words” is a powerful concept in the world of leadership. It is based on a deep understanding that not everything can be said in words. Sometimes, the most important and powerful act of leadership is to show up, be respectful and give others your undivided attention. 

Furthermore, each day we have the choice to role model the core values and/or operating principals of our company and our own lives. In every interaction, we can demonstrate this by how we treat others, namely with respect, compassion and understanding. We also have the opportunity to support, encourage and inspire people to be their best selves at work and at home. These small but significant choices on our part can and do make a difference.

Upon reflection, I realize that there have been many people in my life journey such as family, friends, teachers and mentors who have left a deep and profound impact in my life. They have been and are valuable role models. They have helped me to become a better person, not just helped me to do better work.

This week, I encourage you to give thanks for those who have been role models in your life and I encourage you to aspire to being a better role model for those who are part of your life now. At this time of profound change, we need people who seek to be their best selves at home, at work and within their community.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

Love Your Neighbor

It was Saturday around mid-morning when I looked out the front window and saw a little girl from up the street bent over and looking with intense focus in one of our flower beds. I watched for a moment and realized that she was repeatedly picking something up and putting it down. So, I wandered outside to see what was happening.

As I approached, I saw that she was holding a huge old toad that had just woken up from winter hibernation. It was a bit lethargic but nevertheless it was eager to be on it’s merry way.

“Hi there. What have you got?,” I asked.

“I found a big old frog”, she replied.

“Wow! I think it is a toad who just woke up from a winter nap.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Can I keep it?”

“No, but you can come and visit it when ever you like. I don’t think it is going to travel far. It likes being around the flowers and the bugs that are attracted to them.”

“OK.”

And with that she put down the toad, hoped on her bike and headed home.

A couple of days later, I was out weeding in the front yard. When a small voice behind me asked, “Have you seen Mr. Toad today?”

“No, but I suspect he is around here some place.”

We looked for a minute or two but we could not find the toad.

“What are you doing?”, she inquired.

“Pulling weeds. I want to grow flowers more than I do little trees and dandelions.”

“Did you know my Mom is a nurse?”

“Yes. She has an important job.”

“I know. Do you have any extra flowers I could give her? I want to thank her for what she does.”

At the moment, I was weeding a flower bed that had about three hundred plus daffodils in full bloom. I looked around and said, “Definitely. I have more than enough to share. Let me go and get some scissors from the house. You start thinking which colors you like.”

When I returned from the house, she pointed out all the different kinds she liked and I clipped two or three of each kind until we had a bouquet of flowers that required two little hands to hold.

At that moment, her Mom called from up the street and started walking down toward our house. This sweet little girl popped the big bouquet of flowers behind her back. 

Next, she looked at me and then she looked at her bike. Having gotten the message, I put down my scissors and picked up her little bike. Together we walked up the hill toward her Mom. 

Soon, Mom and daughter met with huge smiles and hugs. The little girl was beaming and the Mom was close to tears from the act of such love.

I handed the Mom the bike, thanked her for her work as a nurse, and headed back down the street. As I came to our front steps and picked up the scissors, I thought of the following quote from the book of Matthew, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”

In a world that has been turned upside down and sideways all at the same time, it is time for each of us all to remember this simple but powerful phrase.

As sheltering in place slowly comes to an end, we must continue to be generous, kind and compassionate people. We need to be present to one another and support one another as best we can. As Archbishop Desmond Tutu wrote, “Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” And loving your neighbor is a powerful “little bit of good.” 

Remember: the only way through this is together. Friend to friend. Neighbor to neighbor.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

The World Has Changed

Like so many other people, I want life to get back to normal. 

I am tired of social distancing and I am tired of sheltering in place. I am tired of being afraid to touch something and maybe get ill from it. I am tired of the gloves and the face masks. I am tired of washing my hands all the time and singing a little song to make sure I have done it long enough to actually kill a virus. 

I want to see my friends, and hug my family. I want to worship together on Sunday morning. I want to eat out, and laugh with friends over a good meal. I want to go to a movie or walk in the park and not worry about how close people are to me. I want to go the library, and check out a new book. There are so many big and little things that I want to do now that I can not do them. In short, I am suffering from quarantine fatigue.

Yet, I have come to the realization that the world has changed, and I have been changed by this experience. I recognize now how vulnerable we all are on so many levels. I understand better now about systemic weak points, supply chain inefficiencies, and structural inequities. I comprehend that denial is not an effective coping strategy and resilience in the face of adversity does not happen overnight. 

Upon great reflection and deeply personal experiences, I know now that all of us will know someone who has lost a loved one or we, ourselves, will have lost someone we love to COVID-19. The grief of these losses is personal and collective. And like those who came before us and survived WWII or the Depression, no one is immune to the suffering.  

I also know that the statistics posted each new day are not numbers. They are mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, husband and wives, grandparents and cousins. What binds us together now in the midst of COVID-19 is our shared grief and shared losses. 

Still, in the midst of this pain and suffering, I have learned that compassion is a healthy choice. Small acts of kindness can transform my day such as when a friend leaves us flowers at our door, or when a child who rings our door bell and leaves behind a bag of cookies with the card that reads “Things may be crummy but you‘re one tough cookie.” On another day, the card from a long distant friend and the phone call from a loved one can make me pause and remember that our strength comes from our interdependence more than our rugged individualism.

I also have learned that the only way through this is together. I realize now that my personal journey of acceptance, hope and resilience is intimately connected to our collective journey of acceptance, hope and resilience. I can not fully move forward into a changed world if we do not collectively move forward together. 

The world has changed. I understand this better now. My life and your life are intertwined. And no matter what happens next, we must support each other more, trust each other more, and love each other more. For this is the pathway to acceptance and greater understanding.

Finally, I understand better now that we are kind and loving people at our core. We are willing to rise to our challenges when we are supported and respected. We are capable of exquisite planning and execution. We are creative and collaborative. We are stronger than we thought we were, and we will make it through this time together.

So, be well, be hopeful and find the light in and around the challenges, the grief and the suffering. This is our time to be beacons of hope for each other.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

How do leaders be both bold and brave during difficult times? - part #1

When working in these unique times, we need to be bold and brave in spite of all that is happening around us. Boldness requires us to not be afraid of the difficult situations before us. Brave requires us to have the courage to face the challenges of this time. Bold and brave leaders are transformational leaders.

When I think of transformational leaders, I think of the work of Bennis and Nanus who say that these kinds of leaders are managers of meaning, attention, trust, and self. 

But, when I reflect on the transformational leaders I have met and worked with, I have observed that they role model executive presence and compassion on a daily basis. Executive presence begins with self awareness about one’s appearance, words, physical health, and body language. However, it is greater than just self-awareness

Leading with executive presence means being confident and calm in spite of external circumstances. Having inner clarity creates confidence in others to follow. It also means leading with inner clarity rather than external ego.

Leading with executive presence starts with showing up and being clear on the inside. It requires us as leaders to give our complete attention to others and being mentally present when we do it. It also means understanding that others read our reactions and actions very carefully, not just our words. In essence, executive presence is that rare combination of being confident and calm plus being present and attentive. 

Upon further reflection, I believe there is a relationship between executive presence and compassion. Compassion from Latin means “to suffer with.” It is an emotional response of sympathy and a feeling and desire to want to help. Compassion arises from an open heart. It requires us to show up and pay attention to all that is needed.

Executive presence also requires us to understand the difference between self-help and self-knowledge. Self-help is being able to achieve something on one’s own. Self-knowledge is understanding oneself or one’s own motive or character. For us to stay humble and role model executive presence as leaders, we need to know the limits of our knowledge and to realize we can become misguided by incomplete information.

It also requires us to recognize that there are always two models at work in the world of leadership. The mechanical model sees everything as systems and replaceable parts. The gardening model focuses on the culture/environment around those serving and tries to create a more favorable environment for proactive growth. From my perspective, leadership and management based on a mechanical model has the potential to result in leadership and management without a soul. There is the potential for no presence, attention, kindness, or compassion.

When leaders embrace the gardening model, then leadership becomes a craft from German word, kraft, which means “the power that comes from knowing.” Here, leaders learn to be leaders not only by being taught, but by doing it, and by being mentored. This is where you have to get “a feel” for it.

Furthermore, this kind of leadership requires people to be a part of a community, namely a group of knowers who pass along their knowledge in a step by step way from simple to complex.

Finally, leadership also is an art, because like true art it is based on the interaction between the artist and the subject/object, i.e. the follower. It is learned by knowing when to speak up and when to be quiet, and by knowing where to look and what to avoid.

This week, reflect on executive presence, compassion and the gardening model of leadership. Find your community of fellow leaders and embrace the journey of sharing, listening and reflecting. It will make a world of difference.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

Navigating Through Continued Uncertainty

Over warm cups of coffee, we discussed the many challenges before the nation as the Affordable Care Act (ACA) and other major changes and redesigns were taking place. The three of us agreed that in order to be successful given these changes, organizations would need to be more integrated, accountable and have a higher degree of transparency. Furthermore, there would need to be greater cooperation and coordination among key stakeholders from many different systems.

However, during a pause in the conversation, one of the people stated that “the master is the one who pays the bills.” We all just sat there for a moment and realized that this was true. Whomever controlled the flow of the money, controlled the whole system. 

While this may be a “blinding flash of the obvious,” referencing a Tom Peter’s term from long ago, it was, at the time, a valuable insight. For if the “master” is focused on outcomes and results, then everyone will move in one specific direction. However, if on the other hand, the “master” is focused on compliance, then everyone will move in a different direction.

Our challenge as leaders is to clarify our intent when communicating about organizational change, and to remember that people think their way through the world of change and feel their way through the world of change. If compliance is the major focus and it is based on fear, then creativity will rarely arise. As Margaret Wheatley pointed out in her extremely thought-provoking book,  So Far From Home: lost and found in our brave new world, Berrett-Koehler, 2012, “... compliance-enforcing behaviors only lead in one direction - to demotivated, demoralized, disaffected, and disappearing workers and colleagues.”

With continued uncertainty on the horizon in 2014, now is the time to focus on constant and compassionate communication. We must let people know we are listening to them as they think and feel their way through the world of change. This will require a tremendous effort on our part as leaders and yet it will make a significant difference as we move together through the rest of 2014.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

The Power and Importance of Compassion

During certain times of the year, I do quite a bit of public speaking before large and small groups. As many of you know, I also share quite a few stories about my personal journey, and the journeys of others who have gifted me with their stories. The result of this depth of sharing is that people write me or stop me after a presentation and share their own insights, journeys or challenges. Here is a copy of a letter that I received a while ago:

“I wanted to let you know how I enjoyed your presentation.... I could have listened to you all day.

I also wanted to thank-you for what you said on compassion. I felt as though you were talking about me. You see, my 28 year old son died of AIDS.... I also cannot tell anyone because they laugh or make fun of people that have this awful disease. Why people do this is a mystery. When you loose a loved one - it doesn’t make any difference how they died - the pain is still there and it never goes away.

[During our time together as a group,] we went to a dinner show and the girls that sat across from me again showed no compassion. Our waiter looked a little feminine and they started joking about it. Then, AIDS was brought up. I thought to myself, these women just figure that people around them have not experienced this disease. My heart was breaking - this was the anniversary of my beloved son’s death. And they were joking about AIDS. Then my heart went out to the young man’s mother. She was no where around, but I felt compassion. And love for her and I prayed she would never have to go through the AIDS death with her son. Then I thought, this woman across from me has a 12 year old son. I didn’t know my son’s destination when he was 12, and I prayed that she would never have to go through an AIDS death with her son either.

Please never leave compassion out of your presentations. Maybe some day people will listen to someone like you. Then people like me can hold their head up and share their pain instead of hanging their head and being so alone.”

My hope is that all of us will show more compassion for each other this holiday season. As I often remind leaders, there is always more to the story. Our work life and our home life are all one life.

Geery Howe, M.A.Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer inLeadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational ChangeMorning Star Associates319 - 643 - 2257