Listen With Your Heart Not Just Your Head

During executive coaching sessions over the course of this summer, the subject of listening has been a source of much discussion. Often an older executive will want to discuss how to help younger leaders listen better, and not interrupt so much. Some of these senior executives struggle with the lack of analog based dialogue.

Other leaders want to discuss how to get teams of people to listen better to each other. They recognize that if the team is not doing this very well with other team members then more likely they are not listening to their customers or internal partners very well either.

While we have explored the technical aspects of listening and speaking as a leader during these coaching sessions, many have responded by asking, “But, what do I need to do as a leader to help others to listen better?” The question is a good one and my response has caused quite a few of them to stop, sit quietly, think deeply, and then share at a different level.

“You need to listen holistically, not just with your head, if you want others to listen better,” I tell them. “This will require you to slow down and listen to the tone of their voice, their body language and the rhythm of their language. We, as leaders, forget in our rush to get things solved and done that oral communications is the second form of communication. The primary form of communication is what we do before, during and after we communicate. We must remember that our message is often communicated before we even speak, and the person we are communicating with is often working on their response before we even have time to finish our thoughts.

Therefore, we need to listen holistically, not just with our head, recognizing that every one is doing the best they can with the time and limited information they have received. In short, be more compassionate in your approach to listening, and along the way, trust your gut.

In essence, your compassion, your kindness and your ability to being total present when an individual or group that is sharing something with you is the foundation of your listening. When everyone sees, feels and hears this depth of executive presence, then speaking and listening will be transformed.

So, speak less, listen holistically, and be 100% present when you are with others. Over time, this will be a new beginning for all involved.”

After a time of reflection, many senior executives will share that this is what their favorite boss did with them as they moved up through the leadership ranks. I smile, nod my head, and say “yes.”

This week, focus on your listening. It is important and mission critical to your success as a leader.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

How do leaders be both bold and brave during difficult times? - part #1

When working in these unique times, we need to be bold and brave in spite of all that is happening around us. Boldness requires us to not be afraid of the difficult situations before us. Brave requires us to have the courage to face the challenges of this time. Bold and brave leaders are transformational leaders.

When I think of transformational leaders, I think of the work of Bennis and Nanus who say that these kinds of leaders are managers of meaning, attention, trust, and self. 

But, when I reflect on the transformational leaders I have met and worked with, I have observed that they role model executive presence and compassion on a daily basis. Executive presence begins with self awareness about one’s appearance, words, physical health, and body language. However, it is greater than just self-awareness

Leading with executive presence means being confident and calm in spite of external circumstances. Having inner clarity creates confidence in others to follow. It also means leading with inner clarity rather than external ego.

Leading with executive presence starts with showing up and being clear on the inside. It requires us as leaders to give our complete attention to others and being mentally present when we do it. It also means understanding that others read our reactions and actions very carefully, not just our words. In essence, executive presence is that rare combination of being confident and calm plus being present and attentive. 

Upon further reflection, I believe there is a relationship between executive presence and compassion. Compassion from Latin means “to suffer with.” It is an emotional response of sympathy and a feeling and desire to want to help. Compassion arises from an open heart. It requires us to show up and pay attention to all that is needed.

Executive presence also requires us to understand the difference between self-help and self-knowledge. Self-help is being able to achieve something on one’s own. Self-knowledge is understanding oneself or one’s own motive or character. For us to stay humble and role model executive presence as leaders, we need to know the limits of our knowledge and to realize we can become misguided by incomplete information.

It also requires us to recognize that there are always two models at work in the world of leadership. The mechanical model sees everything as systems and replaceable parts. The gardening model focuses on the culture/environment around those serving and tries to create a more favorable environment for proactive growth. From my perspective, leadership and management based on a mechanical model has the potential to result in leadership and management without a soul. There is the potential for no presence, attention, kindness, or compassion.

When leaders embrace the gardening model, then leadership becomes a craft from German word, kraft, which means “the power that comes from knowing.” Here, leaders learn to be leaders not only by being taught, but by doing it, and by being mentored. This is where you have to get “a feel” for it.

Furthermore, this kind of leadership requires people to be a part of a community, namely a group of knowers who pass along their knowledge in a step by step way from simple to complex.

Finally, leadership also is an art, because like true art it is based on the interaction between the artist and the subject/object, i.e. the follower. It is learned by knowing when to speak up and when to be quiet, and by knowing where to look and what to avoid.

This week, reflect on executive presence, compassion and the gardening model of leadership. Find your community of fellow leaders and embrace the journey of sharing, listening and reflecting. It will make a world of difference.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

Leading with Executive Presence - part #1

When I teach the From Vision to Action Leadership Training, we routinely discuss what it takes to be an excellent leader. During these conversations, I point out that the best leaders lead with executive presence. In the beginning, this means being more self-aware of your appearance, words, and body language because each is sending a message about what you believe and what you think is most important.

However, upon reflection, executive presence is greater than just self-awareness. It means being confident and calm in spite of external circumstances. It also means having inner clarity, which will create confidence in others to follow, rather than external ego.

Leading with presence starts by showing up and being clear on the inside. Then, giving our complete attention to those who are present, and being present when you do it. We need to recognize that people read your reactions and your actions very carefully, not just your words. 

First, to get better at leading with executive presence, we must schedule regular time to pause and reflect. Leaders from my experience are becoming more and more “junkies” to external stimulation. The faster we go, the more we need to slow down and reflect. Many problems can not be solved by pushing harder and thinking harder. Believe it or not, when I am stumped, I often will mow the grass, pull weeds, sweep the sidewalk, or shovel snow. Nine times our of ten, then the answer comes. I quiet the mind and the solution surfaces. This is the third law of thermodynamics, i.e. as activity decreases, order increases.

Second, to get better at leading with executive presence, we need to commit to a personal mastery approach to leadership and leading. This means we must be willing to be a constant beginner. We need to recognize that the best leaders are constantly learning. It is a positive addiction for them.

This week, pause and reflect more on your choices. There is always more to learn.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257