Recently, I came across a deeply thought-proving question by Parker Palmer in a book edited by Sam Integrator called Living The Questions: Essays Inspired by the Work and Life of Parker J. Palmer (Jossey-Bass, 2005). As Palmer writes: “How do we meet each other in a way that allows each one of us to meet ourselves?” For me, this is an important question as we move into this new season.
Currently, we live in a world that places immense pressure on us to be something, or to be like somebody else. We also live and work in spaces that do not welcome our wholeness, and instead expect us to push harder, longer, and faster in order to get more things done. Furthermore, these same expectations do not honor or nurture our souls or our spirit. As a result, we feel pushed, stressed out, and overwhelmed by this constant pressure, and by all the turbulence this pressure creates within us.
In simple terms, we feel flooded by life, and the continual deluge of people, problems, and paradoxes that present themselves each and every day, if not each and every hour. Therefore, the resulting pressure drains us, and it shuts down our desire to keep moving forward. As a former client said to me one day, “If this is life and leadership, it just sucks.”
However, Parker Palmer’s question (“How do we meet each other in a way that allows each one of us to meet ourselves?”) calls for us to re-examine this dysfunctional way of living and leading. It reminds us that we do not need to loose our wholeness, truth, and integrity as we move through each and every day. It reminds us that our life matters, and that our life can be one of meaning and purpose in spite of the hustle and bustle that is happening all around us.
Arthur Brooks in his book, The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose In An Age of Emptiness (Portfolio/Penguin, 2026), writes “What the data show - and what everyone has seen with our own eyes - is what we social scientists call a psychogenic epidemic, a phenomenon that causes tremendous suffering but has no organic cause, meaning the onset is social or psychological, not biological.” This epidemic is based on people feeling the overall loss of meaning, purpose, and significance in their life. As he continues, “What is missing was the one thing that can never be simulated: meaning. Again and again, people said that life was busy but not meaningful. That experiences and relationships felt meaningless. Or that they didn’t know what they were meant to do in work and life.”
Therefore, Brooks proposed the following perspective: “Meaning = Coherence + Purpose + Significance…. The first element of meaning is coherence, or how the events of your life fit together. This is an understanding that things happen in your life for a reason…. The second element of life’s meaning is purpose, which is the existence of goals and direction in your life. This is the belief that you are alive in order to do something…. The third element of meaning is significance. This refers to the inherent value of your life to yourself and, even more important, to others…. It simply means that the world would be worse for someone you love if you didn’t exist.” Each of these three elements are part of our interactions with others, and, at the same time, how we meet ourselves in the process.
Editor Sam Integrator, in the aforementioned book, explains that from Parker Palmer’s perspective “our outward work in the world is a projection of our inner condition.” I think this is a very important insight and one worth exploring on many different levels. If our focus is on creating an inner and outer life that are in alignment, or congruence as Parker Palmer notes, we must “hold the tension … between what is and what is possible.”
This happens when we expand Palmer’s perspective that “… learning happens between persons and not simply within the learner.” From my perspective, living and being in relationship with others, and where we meet ourselves in the process, happens when we grasp that learning and living happens between people and not simply within a person. In essence, referencing the work of Collins and Porras in their book, Built to Last, it is the “genius of the AND, not the tyranny of the OR.” In short, it is what is happening between us and within myself that dramatically impacts how we meet each other at work, at home, and in the community where we live.
Therefore, we need to create a network of people in our lives with whom we trust and with whom we can share. This network helps us stay centered and grounded in midst of what is happening and what might or could happen. This network also gives us time and space to stay in touch and attuned to our individual, and our collective sense of purpose and meaning.
At the same time that we are building and maintaining this network, we also need to build and maintain a life pattern that allows us to have the time and space to do the inner work related to life’s journey. Here, we create a pattern of living that supports routine reflection, learning, and reading. This important time and space helps us to grow as individuals, to gain new insights, and to become, over time, better people. In essence, this time and space creates, maintains, and expands our inner wholeness and integrity.
For in the end, it is the combination of our outer networks of trust, and our inner journey of reflection and learning that helps us meet each other in a way that allows us to meet ourselves in the process. Then, we do two things at the same time, namely welcome the souls of all involved, and nurture the community that honors the soul of all involved.
My challenge to you this fall is to build that network of trust, and to create regular time and space for touching base with, and expanding your wholeness and integrity. The people you love need this and so does the world. Remember: your life matters.
© Geery Howe 2026