Coaching And Mentoring

Having coached people for many decades, I routinely get asked questions about coaching people. Some want to explore how to do it. Others want to explore why we need to do it. And finally, some just want to explore what is coaching. 

When starting a discussion about what is coaching, I like to reference the definition that Rodd Wagner and James K. Harter use in their book, 12: The Elements of Great Managing (Gallup Press, 2006). As they explain, a coach or mentor is “anyone who, in the eyes of the employee, ensures she successfully navigates the course. The important aspect is not which of many terms this protector goes by - friend, coach, advisor, sponsor, counselor, supporter- but whether the employee feels she is not abandoned inside the business.”

For me, coaching focuses on helping someone not feel “abandoned inside the business,” while mentoring focuses on helping someone not feel “abandoned” in life’s journey. The distinction is subtle but important. As an executive coach, I am hired to coach people in their professional work life. Some days, they ask me to mentor them in their personal life journey. 

However, I know that I am not qualified to help them with their private life. For me, that is the work of highly qualified and experienced therapists, counselors, and psychologists. I can be of support to an individual, but I do not have the background to offer insight or perspective in this area of their life. 

When it comes to coaching and to degree mentoring, I like the way Kevin Cashman defines it in his book, Awakening the Leader Within: A Story of Transformation (John Wiley & Sons, Inc. 2003). He says there are two kinds of coaching, namely transactive coaching which focuses on the transferring of competencies, skills and/or techniques, and transformational coaching which focuses on shifting people's view about themselves, their values, and their sense of purpose. 

From my experience, the movement back and forth from transactive coaching to transformational coaching is pretty seamless. Some days as a coach I just know more about a specific topic than the person I am coaching. At this point, I am more like a teacher than a coach, focused on educating the person about the topic of discussion, sharing both what the research says and my own experience. My goal is to share knowledge in order that the person is more prepared and skillful in handling a particular problem or situation. 

On other days, I am more focused on a person’s mindset than their skill set. Here, I am trying to help them with how they are framing up the problem or situation before them. I am assisting them in seeing the problem or situation from different angles or perspectives. My goal is to help them choose a more holistic world view of what is happening and why. This line of coaching routinely helps people in their willingness and commitment to dealing with a problem or situation. Whether it is coaching related to work or mentoring related to life’s journey, I always approach both of these activities as a structured dialogue and development process to improve their professional or personal competence and understanding in order to help them execute their goals and/or choices. 

Most coaches and mentors do not grasp that many individuals seek out a coach when things have gone crazy or chaotic in their life. I frame this up as coaching by catastrophe with the goal being to get through the chaotic times. This choice helps an individual, but it is situational, and once the person gets to other side, they often stop seeking out this kind of help. 

On the other hand, there is a different way to engage with a coach or a mentor. I frame this up as coaching by intention. The choice is not to fix a problem or to get through a difficult situation. Instead, the choice is to gain insight and perspective before something becomes a problem. The intent is to build an on-going dialogue in order to be prepared before, during, and after any thing surfaces, be it a problem, a chaotic situation, or a total lack of understanding that leaves one confused and struggling. 

As part of this coaching and mentoring by intention, I am reminded of something that  Parker Palmer wrote about in his book, On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity & Getting Old (Berrett-Koehler, 2018). As he pointed out, “Age and experience have taught me that mentoring is not a one-way street. It’s mutuality in which two people evoke the potentials in each other…. Equally important, mentoring gives us a chance to welcome one another into a relationship that honors our vulnerability and our need for each other. Mentoring is a gift exchange in which elders receive at least as much as we give, often more.” Palmer calls this exchange of mentoring as “intergenerational electricity,” a term that I love as I do more mentoring with younger people.

Recognizing that everyone needs more coaching and mentoring in their life, I also am reminded of something a workshop participant told me back in the early 90’s: “Never go to a counselor who does not have a counselor. Everyone has stuff they need to work on, especially the people who coach and counsel others.” 

A long time ago, I encountered a situation in my private life where I was so far outside my comfort zone that I did not know which way was up or down. I was so lost that my wife and I decided to sit down with an older friend of ours who was an experienced counselor. I explained the situation to her and said, “What do I with all of this?” She paused and then replied, “You need to see a counselor who understands this kind of situation. And the minute you think you are done, keep going. There will always be more levels to unpack and work through.” 

And since that time together, I have seen a counselor on a regular basis. It has been the best investment of my time and energy. It also has been a ton of hard work to keep moving forward. As an old client of mine would always say at the end of our coaching visits, “onward and upward!” I still smile because that is how I feel about the work I do with my counselor. 

While I have engaged with a counselor for many decades, which is something that always surprises people when I tell them this, I also actively seek out and connect with my mentors. They offer me new and deeply thought-proving insights too. 

For example, one of my favorite mentors and I were having breakfast together recently when he said it was “nice to grow old with someone much younger.” I just smiled because I never thought of being in my late 60s as being “much younger.” Yet from his vantage point of being 20+ years my senior, I am still early in my learning journey. 

During this particular visit, we were discussing the subject of how to listen to you inner voice, what Howard Thurman called “the sound of the genuine” within us and around us. He pointed out that this kind of listening was “not with your ears.” Instead of thinking of the inner voice as speaking in words and sentences, he explained to me that we need to frame up this kind of listening as something we do with our hearts and spirit. We need to listen to the feeling more than the words. 

The joy for me in this moment of intergenerational electricity was the realization that I would never have come up with this perspective or insight about listening on my own. But through our on-going dialogue, we uncovered this deep truth and realized it as a gift for both of us. 

Coaching and mentoring relationships are life long opportunities for new growth. They are deeply important to restoring clarity in our lives at home and at work. Through this kind of sharing, we are able to live a rich and meaningful life. 

© Geery Howe 2024

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

The Manner Of The Receiver

A long time ago, Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274), an Italian Dominican friar and priest, wrote the following statement: 

“Whatever is received is received according to the manner of the receiver.” 

I believe that many leaders, and for that matter, many people are focused on sending their message. For them, the message once sent, in what ever form such as spoken, e-mail, text, vlog, etc., equals message received and message understood. I don’t know how many times over the course of my career I have heard a leader say “I told them, but they did not listen.”

At the same time, I do not think most originators of the message, whatever position they are in or whatever season of life they are in, ever think about the manner of the receiver. Instead, they are focused on defining and releasing the message, more than the receiving and understanding of the message on the other end. In short, the spoken word, the written e-mail or a text message, once sent, is done and no longer their responsibility. Then, the sender of the message is on to the next thing on their list. 

However, if they want to be a good communicator, especially a good and effective leader, then the moment after the message is sent becomes very important. This is the moment when they should be even more focused, because this is the moment when success or failure of communication actually happens. 

Yet, we are really fickle people, who rarely pause to give this critical space in communication much thought, let alone time or attention. We merrily move forward believing that we have nailed it when it comes to communication. We perceive ourselves to be brilliant communicators and that everything we say and do makes total sense to everyone around us. Shutter to think that we may have messed up. The message was sent. The problem lies with the receiver rather than the sender. The problem is not with our thinking and sharing. Instead, it is with their attention and interpretation. So, off we go into the wild blue yonder, thinking about the next thing on our list of “to dos.”

But, I have met leaders who do not follow this trajectory. They actually know that speaking and writing, communicating and understanding is, at best, a convoluted process with minimal success, even on our good days. They recognize that just because we said something or wrote something is, by no means of our own effort, actually going to amount to something more than a hill of beans. 

So, these unique leaders do something so small and insignificant that most people miss it. But when they do it and when they do it well, then all involved are impressed. And what do they actually do that separates them from the rest of the pack? They send a message and then ask some simple but deeply profound questions, such as “Does that make sense to you?”, “Do you understand what I am saying?”, or “What do you think about all of this?”.  

In simple terms, they are focused on the message they are sending, and at the exact same time, they are concerned about the manner of the receiver. They want to know what the listener or receiver thinks about it all. They want to know the receiver’s understanding or lack thereof. They want to know because they care that the receiver actually receives the message and understands the message. It is more than just the receiving the sounds of the spoken word or is more than just a message sent back to the sender that said “delivered” or “read.”  The goal is not awareness, but actually understanding. 

Thus, the best communicators, and the best leaders, work hard on their messages and they are focused on the person receiving it. In particular, they are focused on having a relationship with the receiver based on trust, dignity, and respect. They get that this is the first form of communication, and that the second form is speaking, e-mailing, or text messaging. With the former being the beginning, then the later becomes a successful outcome. 

While Thomas Aquinas lived over 750+ years ago, his message transcends time and space. It is a powerful statement and an important insight. It could have been written yesterday, because it so applicable to today’s world. Lucky for us someone wrote it down and then passed it on generation after generation . For us here today, we now have the opportunity to pause, think, reflect, plus learn from this wisdom. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Life Is A Journey

“To journey without being changed is to be a nomad,” writes author and poet, Mark Nepo. “To change without journeying is to be a chameleon. To journey and to be transformed by the journey is to be a pilgrim.”

Right now, the word pilgrim and the concept of being a pilgrim is not part of our every day lexicon. It feels like the word is from centuries long ago. Now, we are just busy people who focus mostly on work and getting lots of things done. We are get there people more than we are being here people. 

We forget that the word pilgrim is defined as a person who journeys to a sacred place for religious reasons, or one who travels to a holy place. I think part of the challenge for many people is that we do not think about sacred places or holy places on a regular basis. We are more focused on getting to the grocery store, the mall, or shopping on-line. And if we did think about sacred places or holy places, it would be for a very brief period on a Sunday morning as long as it did not interrupt our plans for the rest of the day. 

Nevertheless, there are sacred spaces and holy places all over the world. We could, if we wanted to, or were so moved, travel to these places. But most of the time, we feel we don’t have the time to do it, or don’t want to put in the effort to step outside our comfort zones to engage in the sacred or the holy. It is much easier to touch base with that stuff on Sunday morning and then get back to our getting there focus. 

Still, there is one sacred and holy place in life that we can not avoid, namely our own death. As Rainn Wilson in his book, Soul Boom: Why We Need A Spiritual Revolution (Hachette Books, 2023), wrote: “Death is inevitable…. Our personal life span is decreasing continuously day by day.” And he continues, “Death will come, whether or not we are prepared for it.” 

For some, this sacred and holy place is defined as an ending. Others define it as a place of special significance. I like the way the poet Rabindranath Tagore defined it: “Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come.” I also like the way Father Gregory Boyle defined it, namely “the last amen and the eternal hallelujah.” In essence, no matter how we define it, we are all going to experience it. Death is part of our life journey, and we are all pilgrims moving in that direction. 

As I reflect on being a pilgrim and life’s journey as a pilgrimage, I am reminded of something Father Richard Rohr wrote: “If you do not have someone to guide you, to teach you, to hold onto you during the times of not knowing, not feeling, not understanding, you will normally stay at your present level of growth.” The phrase that speaks to me today is the one that states “If you do not have someone…”. The presence of others, individually or collectively, to transform an experience into a sacred moment is powerful. Their ability to see the truth and to experience the truth is the key to the journey. It also is the key to be transformed by the journey. They help us to be pilgrims by their own willingness to be a pilgrim. 

Mark Nepo opened my eyes to this insight when he wrote, “… it is no secret that slowness remembers and hurry forgets; that softness remembers and hardness forgets; that surrender remembers and fear forgets. It is beautifully difficult to remember who we really are. But we help each other every time we fill the cup of truth and hold each other up after drinking from it.” I consider myself extremely lucky that I have people in my life, who have held me up and are holding me up as I drink from the cup of truth. They support me when I choose slowness and softness. They get it when I choose to surrender as a pathway to remembering who I am. They believe in being transformed by life’s journey and they grasp the notion of being a pilgrim. They walk with me and I walk with them as we all move to sacred and holy spaces. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Remember Packard’s Law

It was an amazing dinner of incredibly good food, excellent wine, and a very lively conversation about strategic and operational choices given current events. As we started to wrap up and focus on next steps, I shared with the team that “the key right now is to make choices that are sustainable. Senior leaders can take risks to get better at what the company is doing, but not at the cost of loosing the engagement of their people. When people become disenfranchised, i.e. feeling disconnected from the core mission of the company and each other, then things are not moving in the right direction. It all boils down to Packard’s Law.”

Jim Collins in his book, How The Mighty Fall and Why Some Companies Never Give In (HarperCollins, 2009), explained Packard’s Law with such a clear and helpful definition: “No company can consistently grow revenues faster than its ability to get enough of the right people to implement that growth with excellence.” I like this definition and have referenced it often over the course of my career. However, I believe that it needs to be thoroughly unpacked and discussed for all involved to grasp the significance of it. 

In the beginning, most people focus on the words consistently grow revenues faster because this is what they want. This is the desired outcome, the strategic goal, the expectation of owners, CEOs, and share holders. The big idea is growth, quarter by quarter, year by year. 

However, most have not done the in-depth reading and reflection around the concept of sustainable growth. Jim Collins and Morten T. Hansen in their book, Great By Choice: Uncertainty, Chaos, and Luck - Why Some Thrive Despite Them All (HarperCollins, 2011), explore 10X companies, i.e. “enterprises that beat their industry’s average by at least 10 times.” Within this detailed research study, Collins and Hansen write about something they call the “20 Mile March.” As they explain, “The 20 Mile March was a distinguishing factor, to an overwhelming degree, between the 10X companies and the comparison companies in our research…. To 20 Mile March requires hitting specified performance markers with great consistency over a long period of time. It requires two distinct types of discomfort, delivering high performance in difficult times and holding back in good times.” They explain that this model of sustainable growth “builds confidence. By adhering to a 20 Mile March no matter what challenges and unexpected shocks you encounter, you prove to yourself and your enterprise that performance is not determined by your conditions but largely by your own actions…. The 20 Mile March helps you exert self-control in an out-of-control environment.” So, when a company wants to consistently grow revenues faster, it needs to create clear and self-imposed performance markers that are largely within the company’s control to achieve. Again, it is a choice defined by the company, not driven by external factors or conditions. 

The next phrase in Packard’s Law that most people focus on is the right people. But I have to point out that the full definition of the phrase and the concept around is as follows: its ability to get enough of the right people. The author of Packard’s Law assumes that the reader understand the definition of the words the right people. But over the years, I have found that most people do not have a clear understanding of this concept. Referencing back to the book, How The Mighty Fall and Why Some Companies Never Give In, Collins ask the question “What makes for the ‘Right People’ in key seats?” He then provides the answer based on his research: “the right people fit with the company’s core values”, “the right people don’t need to be tightly managed”, “the right people understand that they do not have ‘jobs’; they have responsibilities”, “the right people fulfill their commitments”, and “the right people are passionate about the company and its work.” The combination of all these characteristics generates the capacity for the company to implement growth with excellence, namely 20 Mile March level growth. It also create the ability to get enough of the right people. Recruitment and retention interconnected. 

For me, one phrase within Packard’s Law that I find very interesting is the following: growth with excellence. Most people define the word excellence as doing something perfectly. The dictionary defines the word as the quality of being outstanding or extremely good. For most leaders, it all comes down to being the best in something. I like this definition to a point, but find in lacking at the exact same time. 

For me, the best definition comes from the work of Tom Peters who defined excellence as a workplace philosophy where problem solving, teamwork and leadership result in on-going improvements or continuous improvements in the organization. Tom Peters grasped that excellence is a constantly evolving definition because the needs of the customer are constantly changing. He does not define excellence as being a singular act once accomplished, i.e. being the best, as a one and done. Instead, it is a perpetual or continual state of improvement. Furthermore, it is a self-imposed choice, referencing Collin’s earlier idea, rather than on being driven by outside factors. In short, we want to  implement that growth with excellence, because we recognize that the customer is constantly changing and we are constantly changing too. 

So, when I shared all of this over that marvelous dinner, all involved understood what I meant when I said  we needed to “make choices that are sustainable,” I was speaking to the importance of creating the right conditions within the company to attract the right people, retain the right people, and to empower the right people to implement growth with excellence. In essence, I wanted to support people who are mission-driven and vision-led, all day and every day.  And understanding the full depth of Packard’s Law is the first step in that journey to generating clarity, alignment, and sustainable execution. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Listen To Your Inner Voice - part #2

A Clearness Network

Once we grasp that we are in constant evolution, we will need a mirror, a window, a sanctuary, and a clearness network in order to listen better to our inner voice. Jim Collins in his book, Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap. . . and Others Don't (HarperBusiness, 2001), writes that the best leaders “look out the window to attribute success to factors other than themselves. When things go poorly, however, they look in the mirror and blame themselves, taking full responsibility.” On the other hand, poor quality leaders “looked in the mirror to take credit for success, but out the window to assign blame for disappointing results.” The combination of the two, namely a metaphorical window and mirror, create the capacity for self-inquiry and self understanding. 

Ron Heifetz and Marty Linsky in their book, Leadership On The Line: Staying Alive through the Dangers of Leading (Harvard Business School Press, 2002), write that leaders need to “distinguish role from self,” and understand that “you have control over your self-worth.” As part of this level of work, they encourage leaders to “seek sanctuary…. a place of reflection and renewal where you can listen to yourself away from the dance floor and the blare of the music.” For them, the dance floor and the blare of the music are their metaphors for the busy nature of our day to day activities. 

I agree with these authors about the importance of a mirror, a window, and a sanctuary. Each can play a role in clarifying our thoughts, perspectives, and understanding about ourselves and our lives. From my experience, I would add one more element, namely a clearness network. 

In the Quaker tradition, there is something called a clearness committee. As Parker Palmer with the Center for Courage & Renewal writes, “The function of the clearness committee is not to give advice or fix people from the outside but rather to help people remove the interference so that they can discover their own inner wisdom.” These committees are the gathering of a trusted group of people, e.g. advisors, friends and family members. This communal approach to discernment “protects individual identity and integrity while while drawing on the wisdom of other people.”

I call my clearness network, my Kitchen Table Cabinet. They are a group of trusted friends and experienced professionals I turn to in order to gain fresh insights, and thoughtful perspectives on a diversity of issues. In particular, I have learned over time that this group will ask me questions that I had not thought to ask myself and they will ask me questions that stop me in my tracks and make me think deeply about something from various angles. I invest regular time and energy in maintaining and cultivating these relationships. I visit with them a couple of times each month because I understand that the depth of sharing is a two way street. I need to be present to them as much they are present to me. 

Ron Heifetz, Alexander Grashow, and Marty Linsky in their book,. The Practice of Adaptive Leadership: Tools and Tactics for Changing Your Organization and the World (Harvard Business Press, 2009), note that in order to thrive as a leader, an individual needs to grow “your own personal network outside of the system you are trying to change.” We need to “talk regularly with confidants, people outside the environment in which you are trying to lead adaptive change, who are invested in you, not the issues you are addressing.” When you “anchor yourself in multiple communities,” you can adapt and be resilient on various levels. I think the same can be said of anyone, whether or not they are a leader or a manager.  With a clearness network, one is well prepared for today and the future. One can not easily build such a network in the midst of major life challenges. It is always best to be prepared rather than trying to prepare when difficulties arise. 

Find Your Outer Voice 

As we listen to our inner voice, understand our inner dialogue, and engage regularly with a clearness network, we also need to find our outer voice. Stephen Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, wrote another book called The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness (Free Press, 2004). The 8th habit focused on finding your voice and inspiring others to find theirs.” Covey defined the voice as a “unique personal significance…. it is the nexus of talent, passion, need and conscience (that still small voice within that assures you of what is right and that prompts you to actually do it).” I like how Covey connects listening to the inner voice and finding your outer voice. I appreciate that he understood that the two elements were each influencing the other. 

There is one part that I wish Covey would have written more about when it comes to the transition from listening to “that still small voice within” to speaking our truth with our outer voice, namely the importance of speaking within safe and respectful spaces. While every one has the potential to speak up, many do not because the environment within which they want to share is not safe or respectful. Therefore, silence is chosen in order to not become a target of violence or harassment. 

However, if we understand the importance of creating and maintaining safe and respectful spaces, then we must understand the importance of inclusiveness, namely the recognition that we must never create an environment where people need to hide their true identities or attempt to fit in. This can happen when we realize that each of us belongs just the way we are. This happens when we understand that each of us are unique. When a home or work environment is based on non-violence, unconditional and loving kindness, plus compassionate acceptance, we are then able to listen inwardly and speak our truth outwardly in a positive and productive manner. 

Go Forth Into The Unknown

“How do geese know when to fly to the south?,” writes  Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. “Who tells them the seasons? How do we humans know when it is time to move on? As with migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within if only we would listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown.”

Given the importance of authenticity in life and in work, each of us must listen to the voice within. When we choose to actively engage in this inner dialogue, we understand that centering and holding the quiet is the first step to listening. Next, we realize that we are constantly evolving. Our best self today is going to change. And so too will our inner voice. To help us in this inner listening process, we need a mirror, a window, and a sanctuary. We also need a clearness network of confidants who ask us important questions and share thoughtful insights. Finally, we need to take what we hear on the inside and, when possible, share our clarity on the outside. Our outer voice needs to be found. It also has the potential to inspire others to speak up. Still, safe and respectful home and work environments make a big difference in this process. Unconditional and loving kindness is a important foundation for sharing. 

As we all know, geese will fly south each winter. The seasons will turn, and the sun will rise each morning. If we seek to go forth into the unknown of each new day, having the capacity to listen to that still small voice within can be transformational to the entire journey. 

© Geery Howe 2024

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Listen To Your Inner Voice - part #1

Introduction

Recently, I was listening to Lindsay Leahy and Brooke Fitzgerald from The Restoration Project talk about authenticity and leadership. During their presentation, they spoke about the importance of leaders listening to their inner voice. Instantly, I was struck by this being 100% correct. I agree wholeheartedly with their insight. And, at the exact same time, I wondered how many people know how to do this and where to start if they want to do this. The conundrum of agreeing with the insight and not being sure how I listen to my own inner voice plus being able to coach others in how to do this was a delightful opportunity for great reflection and great discussions with others. 

The Inner Dialogue

“Each of us has an inner teacher, a voice of truth,” writes Parker Palmer, “that offers the guidance and power we need to deal with our problems.” The first step is to listen to our inner voice, or inner teacher, referencing Parker Palmer, rather than the outside voices of others. When we do this deep, inner listening, we realize that we are really listening to our internal dialogue. And this inner dialogue is an inner discernment process between outer voices and their messages, and our inner voice and our understanding.

Often, the outer voices are sending us messages in multiple forms that state you are not enough, you are not worthy, and you are not working hard enough, etc.  All of these messages impact us on various levels. We feel judged by them and often defined by them. If we accept them as true, then our inner voice becomes an inner critic who reaffirms these messages. Or our inner voice becomes an inner defender who blames and criticizes everyone else for what is going on. As Greg McKeown notes, “… when people fear being judged, it drowns out their inner voice. They are able to focus only on what they think we want to hear, rather than on what they actually see or feel.”

However, our inner voice does not want to criticize ourself or fight with others. Instead, it wants to help us make the best of the various situations within which we find ourself. The outer voice is always present, always speaking, and always inserting itself into the inner dialogue. I believe the goal of the outer voice is uniformity while the goal of the inner voice is unity and alignment. The challenge in the midst of these two voices is to create the time and the space to listen to the inner voice. This process of inner listening often begins with centering. 

Hold The Quiet

During breakfast one day with a mentor of mine, we began discussing the challenges of living in a post pandemic world. As we explored various elements of this unique time period, the conversation turned to the subject of centering. “I think the key,” he explained, “is to hold the quiet.” I paused, got out a piece of paper, and wrote the phrase down, realizing that we had unlocked a critical step to my greater understanding of what is centering, and how to listen to the inner voice. 

From my perspective, centering is the first step we take as we enter into listening. It begins with a personal choice to be 100% present to the moment, rather than reacting to the past or a possible future. It is a silent, deeply personal and internal process of becoming quiet and still. It is where we feel our way into being present, rather than thinking our way into being present. It happens when we consciously choose to clear away the detritus of our daily lives, and turn our attention to our inner dialogue. And as we do this, we listen to the voice within. It is a on-going process that gives meaning to our lives. 

As we dove deeply into the phrase holding the quiet, we recognized that it is not the absence of noise as much as the creation of stillness. Furthermore, it is the process of removing internal clutter and distractions in order to listen better and understand more holistically what is happening within and around us.  

Holding the quiet is a powerful choice and an important discipline to consistently pursue over time. It requires us to center ourselves and listen to the inner dialogue. It also requires us to be present to the moment and to the people around us. It is based on an understanding that by listening to the inner voice we have access to a transformational system that has the potential to change ourselves and to change the world around us. As a result, when we practice centering on a regular basis, we are taking the first step to building a meaningful life.

We Are Constantly Evolving

When we choose to hold the quiet through centering, and recognize that it an effective way to listen to our inner voice, we also must remember that our best self is constantly evolving. Our choice to listen is not to maintain status quo, but instead to support and facilitate our on-going evolution toward a better self. 

I believe one element of listening to our inner voice is to better understand the inner dialogue that is taking place. This choice is an act of self-inquiry with the hope that we can attain a better level of self-understanding. However, the result of this choice of self-inquiry and understanding is to have a greater level of self-compassion. We are all doing the best we can with the information and understanding that we have accumulated so far in our life journey. Thus, the outer expression of our inner work is greater self expression.

When I reflect on this pathway from inner listening to outer action, I am reminded of the writing by John Kotter in his book, The Heart of Change: Real-Life Stories of How People Change Their Organizations (Harvard Business School Press, 2002). As he explains, “The flow of see-feel-change is more powerful than that of analysis-think-change.” From my experience, I believe that the pathway of see-feel-change may be best applicable at the organizational level, but at the personal level, I believe the pattern is center-listen-feel-change. I think this is a more honest and realistic pattern as long as we understand that what we hear and feel today may not be what we hear and feel tomorrow. As I mentioned earlier, we are constantly evolving and as such so is our inner voice. 

To be continued on Tuesday. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change