Love Your Neighbor

It was Saturday around mid-morning when I looked out the front window and saw a little girl from up the street bent over and looking with intense focus in one of our flower beds. I watched for a moment and realized that she was repeatedly picking something up and putting it down. So, I wandered outside to see what was happening.

As I approached, I saw that she was holding a huge old toad that had just woken up from winter hibernation. It was a bit lethargic but nevertheless it was eager to be on it’s merry way.

“Hi there. What have you got?,” I asked.

“I found a big old frog”, she replied.

“Wow! I think it is a toad who just woke up from a winter nap.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Can I keep it?”

“No, but you can come and visit it when ever you like. I don’t think it is going to travel far. It likes being around the flowers and the bugs that are attracted to them.”

“OK.”

And with that she put down the toad, hoped on her bike and headed home.

A couple of days later, I was out weeding in the front yard. When a small voice behind me asked, “Have you seen Mr. Toad today?”

“No, but I suspect he is around here some place.”

We looked for a minute or two but we could not find the toad.

“What are you doing?”, she inquired.

“Pulling weeds. I want to grow flowers more than I do little trees and dandelions.”

“Did you know my Mom is a nurse?”

“Yes. She has an important job.”

“I know. Do you have any extra flowers I could give her? I want to thank her for what she does.”

At the moment, I was weeding a flower bed that had about three hundred plus daffodils in full bloom. I looked around and said, “Definitely. I have more than enough to share. Let me go and get some scissors from the house. You start thinking which colors you like.”

When I returned from the house, she pointed out all the different kinds she liked and I clipped two or three of each kind until we had a bouquet of flowers that required two little hands to hold.

At that moment, her Mom called from up the street and started walking down toward our house. This sweet little girl popped the big bouquet of flowers behind her back. 

Next, she looked at me and then she looked at her bike. Having gotten the message, I put down my scissors and picked up her little bike. Together we walked up the hill toward her Mom. 

Soon, Mom and daughter met with huge smiles and hugs. The little girl was beaming and the Mom was close to tears from the act of such love.

I handed the Mom the bike, thanked her for her work as a nurse, and headed back down the street. As I came to our front steps and picked up the scissors, I thought of the following quote from the book of Matthew, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”

In a world that has been turned upside down and sideways all at the same time, it is time for each of us all to remember this simple but powerful phrase.

As sheltering in place slowly comes to an end, we must continue to be generous, kind and compassionate people. We need to be present to one another and support one another as best we can. As Archbishop Desmond Tutu wrote, “Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” And loving your neighbor is a powerful “little bit of good.” 

Remember: the only way through this is together. Friend to friend. Neighbor to neighbor.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

Now Is The Time To Create More Clarity

As everyone has gotten busier and busier trying to figure out what to do next in the middle of this on-going pandemic, there have been moments when leaders have fallen into the habit of just wanting to get things done, and not remembering that a big part of their work as a leader is to create clarity and to minimize confusion. 

Historically, the focus on creating organizational clarity has revolved around the work of Patrick Lencioni in his excellent book called, The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive (Jossey-Bass, 2000). Lencioni encourages leaders to create clarity by explaining “why the organization exists” and “which behavioral values are fundamental.” He also wants leaders to define what the company "plans to achieve” and “who is responsible for what” within the plan. During complicated and complex times, these fundamentals are very important, but I don’t think they are enough given the unique times within which we are living.

This morning, I think we need to expand the concept of creating clarity to include the work of Brene’ Brown in her powerful book called Dare To Lead: Brave Work, Tough Conversations, Whole Hearts (Random House, 2018). As Brown explains, “The true underlying obstacle to brave leadership is how we respond to our fear.” As an executive coach working with leaders during the last 60 days, I have listened to people who have been worried, afraid and deeply concerned by all that is happening in their organizations, their families and society in general. Their concerns are valid and I am honored that they are willing to share them with me.

I also have listened to leaders who have transformed their fear into courage. As Brown writes, “Courage is contagious. To scale daring leadership and build courage in teams and organizations, we have to cultivate a culture in which brave work, tough conversations, and whole hearts are the expectation, and armor is not necessary or rewarded.” One powerful way to being courageous, notes Brown, is to regularly show that you care for and are staying connected to the people that you lead.

The second step to creating clarity and being courageous as a leader, notes Brown, is to “get clear on whose opinions of you matter.” Everyone right now has an opinion and many are quite vocal about what should or should not be happening, especially when it comes to the subject of dealing with COVID-19. As a result, leaders can feel bombarded and under attack. In order to remain clear and in order to create clarity, leaders must be very thoughtful about whose opinions and professional judgements matter. As leaders, we will not make everyone happy with our decisions but we still must make thoughtful decisions based on as much accurate and timely information that we can gather. And within that gathering process, the source of the information is as important as the content of the information.

Next, Brown encourages leaders to set boundaries. In particular, she writes “… setting boundaries is making clear what’s okay and what’s not okay, and why.” At times, I have observed leaders informing their team or their company about what is okay and not okay when it comes to key behavioral norms, but they have not stated why. I believe it is the why element that makes the setting of boundaries effective over time.

Finally, we must remember as leader this short phrase by Brene’ Brown: “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” Given all that we have experienced during the last 60 days, we need more kindness. Creating clarity is foundational to our being able to thrive on the other side of this global pandemic. 

So, starting today, remember to be kind, respectful and compassionate with each person you meet at work and at home. The only way through the next 90 days is to create more clarity and to act from a place of clarity. We are all in this together and clarity will help us move forward together.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

The World Has Changed

Like so many other people, I want life to get back to normal. 

I am tired of social distancing and I am tired of sheltering in place. I am tired of being afraid to touch something and maybe get ill from it. I am tired of the gloves and the face masks. I am tired of washing my hands all the time and singing a little song to make sure I have done it long enough to actually kill a virus. 

I want to see my friends, and hug my family. I want to worship together on Sunday morning. I want to eat out, and laugh with friends over a good meal. I want to go to a movie or walk in the park and not worry about how close people are to me. I want to go the library, and check out a new book. There are so many big and little things that I want to do now that I can not do them. In short, I am suffering from quarantine fatigue.

Yet, I have come to the realization that the world has changed, and I have been changed by this experience. I recognize now how vulnerable we all are on so many levels. I understand better now about systemic weak points, supply chain inefficiencies, and structural inequities. I comprehend that denial is not an effective coping strategy and resilience in the face of adversity does not happen overnight. 

Upon great reflection and deeply personal experiences, I know now that all of us will know someone who has lost a loved one or we, ourselves, will have lost someone we love to COVID-19. The grief of these losses is personal and collective. And like those who came before us and survived WWII or the Depression, no one is immune to the suffering.  

I also know that the statistics posted each new day are not numbers. They are mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, husband and wives, grandparents and cousins. What binds us together now in the midst of COVID-19 is our shared grief and shared losses. 

Still, in the midst of this pain and suffering, I have learned that compassion is a healthy choice. Small acts of kindness can transform my day such as when a friend leaves us flowers at our door, or when a child who rings our door bell and leaves behind a bag of cookies with the card that reads “Things may be crummy but you‘re one tough cookie.” On another day, the card from a long distant friend and the phone call from a loved one can make me pause and remember that our strength comes from our interdependence more than our rugged individualism.

I also have learned that the only way through this is together. I realize now that my personal journey of acceptance, hope and resilience is intimately connected to our collective journey of acceptance, hope and resilience. I can not fully move forward into a changed world if we do not collectively move forward together. 

The world has changed. I understand this better now. My life and your life are intertwined. And no matter what happens next, we must support each other more, trust each other more, and love each other more. For this is the pathway to acceptance and greater understanding.

Finally, I understand better now that we are kind and loving people at our core. We are willing to rise to our challenges when we are supported and respected. We are capable of exquisite planning and execution. We are creative and collaborative. We are stronger than we thought we were, and we will make it through this time together.

So, be well, be hopeful and find the light in and around the challenges, the grief and the suffering. This is our time to be beacons of hope for each other.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

Show Kindness to Everyone

I like meeting people new to the world of leadership. They bring a special level of energy and interest to the position. And because I am getting older, I have had the wonderful opportunity to meet more and more of them in executive coaching sessions and in the classes that I teach.

One of the special things that happens during these sessions is that I get delightfully bombarded with great and thoughtful questions. Recently, I was asked, “What is one thing the best leaders do that we may not recognize from our vantage point?” I like a good question and this was one of the better ones in that group that day.

“Well,” I responded, “my late brother-in-law was one of the best leaders I know in this category. Whether we talking about work or traveling together to a family reunion in Colorado, he never met a stranger. When we traveled together, we would routinely pull over to a rest stop and all of the families would pour out to use the bathrooms. Once the children were all back in the cars, we would find him standing next to a trucker talking about where he was coming from, where he was going and what he was carrying. And just before we got back in the cars, he would shake the person’s hand, thank them for what they were doing, and hope that the rest of their day went well. In essence, my late brother never met a stranger and always role modeled kindness and respect. He was a very good leader.”

And on that day, all the heads nodded around the table. Everyone could relate to this kind of person whether they were a colleague or their boss. What followed was a delightful discussion about role modeling and integrity.

This week, show kindness and respect to everyone you met. It will be a powerful act of good leadership, and the foundation for healthy, long term working relationships.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

Small Acts of Loving Kindness

Some days we get so busy being the leader that we forget that small acts of loving kindness have a dramatic and long lasting impact.

In early January, my mother passed away. During and after the memorial service, many people shared about the impact of her actions in their lives. For example, a retired woman lawyer shared how my Mom taught her how to sew and cook as a young woman. Another person told me that my Mom was his first Sunday School teacher and then shared how important my Mom was in his life journey. Person after person had similar experiences to share. And when I listened to all of them, I realized that they were just a series of small acts done with loving kindness. When they are all added up, they had a dramatic impact and long lasting impact on the lives of so many others.

In our busy lives as leaders, we need to give ourself permission to have this level of interaction with others. We need to be more present to the moment rather than completely focused on the future. We need to protect the things that are of value from the things that really do not matter so much. As Goethe reminds us: “Never let the things that matter most be at the mercy of the things that matter least.” 

This week and for the entire rest of the summer, I challenge you to offer more small acts of loving kindness. It will have a huge impact in the lives of others and in your own life.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257