The Importance of Self-Compassion

Living through hard times often hurts people. And, as we all know, hurting people can, often hurt the people around them. This happens because these individuals are experiencing varies levels of emotional pain, conflict, and uncertainty in their lives. Therefore, consciously or unconsciously, they project this pain onto others. FYI: Entitled and uncaring people can also hurt people whether or not there are hard times. 

Recently, I have noticed that many people, especially those in leadership positions, are not just projecting their pain outwardly, they also are directing their pain inwardly. In particular, they are constantly analyzing their behaviors, actions, and words, and they are feeling that they are not measuring up to the expectations they hold of themselves. This internalized self-criticism is resulting in increased anxiety, worry, and massive amounts of negative self-talk. Rather than turning self-analysis into a positive and constructive growth mindset, this excessive self-criticism is generating internal toxicity, and creating a lot of external toxicity too. In short, many leaders feel like a failure given what is happening at work, and at home. 

Therefore, I believe it is time to move from self-criticism to mindful self-compassion. As Christopher Willard, PsyD explains, “Mindful self-compassion is the practice of recognizing and naming our experience of suffering. By connecting our suffering to the rest of humanity, we also recognize it as suffering and extend kindness to ourselves. Christopher Germer [a clinical psychologist] says we practice self-compassion not to feel better, but simply because we feel bad.”

Part of being self-compassionate is to understand and embrace three key concepts. First, we must manage our energy more than our time. “Work when there is work to do. Rest when you are tired,” writes Susan McHenry. “One thing done in peace will most likely be better than ten things done in panic…. I am not a hero if I deny rest; I am only tired.” This means we must give ourselves permission to rest, and not feel guilty when we do this. There is a big difference between doing things that burn us out, and doing things when we are burned out. 

Second, we must listen more to our internal dialogue, and then create time and space to process it with qualified professionals who can offer perspectives, coping strategies, and insights. “It is so simple and yet so brave to say that we are hurt when we are hurt, that we are sad when we are sad, that we are scared when we are scared,” writes the  poet Mark Nepo. “In very direct and daily ways, this energy of realness … changes situations because the immediate expression of our truth releases light and warmth that influences the life we are a part of. This is the way our spirit shines.”

Third, we must role model integrity in all we do as leaders. This choice translates into being a person who is kind, thoughtful, and generous. As Margaret Wheatley in her book, Restoring Sanity ( Berrett-Koehler, 2024), reminds us: “We do not withdraw. We are not seeking self-protection. We commit to creating a community where generosity, creativity, and kindness are the norm - what we expect from each other and easily offer in return.” This choice builds the foundation for a network of support at work, and at home. When we offer ourselves grace along the way, we map out new ways of coping and new ways of engaging with others. 

Nevertheless, there are days when we need to be honest with ourselves about what we can and can not handle at this time period. We also need to be honest with ourselves and recognize that seeking out help when we are struggling is not a sign of weakness. Instead, it is an important first step in owning our pain, and then giving ourselves some grace and self-compassion as we work through it. As a non-profit CEO shared with Margaret Wheatley, “Every day I have to make a choice not to give up.” Offering ourselves some self-compassion is an important part of this choice. 

© Geery Howe 2026

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

The Future Is Now

Recently, I have been reflecting on this line from the Tao Te Ching, a 4th-6th century BC Chinese guide to the art of living: 

“See simplicity in the complicated. Achieve greatness in little things.” 

In a world filled with complexity, it is hard to find, or see simplicity. Instead, we are surround by people and institutions moving through waves of fragmentation, uncertainty, and volatility. All of which are generating confusion and frustration rather than vision or agility. For many, this all translates into meaningless work, economic uncertainty, and an overall mental health pandemic. In short, people are worn to the core, and then some. 

Nevertheless, the idea of seeing simplicity and achieving greatness is still a worthwhile goal. The challenge before us as leaders is simple: What are the little things that we need to focus on right now in order to achieve greatness and simplicity when we are surrounded by complexity? I think the answer can be found in three specific areas.

First, we need to focus on mission clarity. As Brené Brown in her book, Strong Ground: The Lessons Of Daring Leadership, The Tenacity Of Paradox, and The Wisdom Of The Human Spirit (Random House, 2025), writes: “What’s mission critical? Mission clarity.” She later notes, “… I associate commitment with leadership. So I want committed people, not compliant people.” 

Years ago, I remember working with a CEO whose team was struggling to execute their strategic plan. He shared with me that for his team strategic clarity equaled operational compliance. As Brown pointed out, “They worked from commitment, not to compliance.” I smiled when I read this, because I had seen it in action, and had witnessed the impact of this choice.  

However, over the last year, I have heard many leaders say “We need to stay the course.” This is a good choice, if as a leader, a team, and the organization as a whole, we are sure that we are on the correct course. I wish more leaders at this time period were to talk more about staying on mission more than staying on course. Purpose and commitment are always the foundation and the pathway to achieving great things. 

Second, we need to focus on decision-making. As Amy Webb, American futurist, author and founder/CEO of the Future Today Strategy Group, who is widely recognize for her work in transforming the practice of strategic foresight into a rigorous, data-driven discipline, writes: “In a world that has moved beyond traditional boundaries, the goal isn’t to get the future ‘right’ - it’s to get your decisions right in the present.” 

In her short statement, there are many deep insights. There are two that instantly jump out to me. First, the decisions we made in the past created the reality we are experiencing today. Second, the decisions we are making today will directly impact our reality in the future. Therefore, we need to be very mindful of what decisions we are making right now, and how we are making those decisions.

For me, decision making is a four step process: preparing to make a decision, making a decision, executing a decision, and evaluating the outcome or results from the decision that was made. While the decision may be difficult to make due to incomplete data, or unrealistic expectations and/or time lines, the simplicity within the complicated is found when we realize that the four step process is as important as the making of the decision itself. If we follow the process and all of the nuances within each step, then the decision-making process becomes the source of greatness, the constant in the midst of social and economic turbulence. From my perspective, we need to teach the decision-making process in order to achieve more greatness in the present moment. 

Third, we need to focus on the health of our strategic and operational networks. Again, I return to the writing of Amy Webb who wrote: “Organizations will need to navigate complex partnership networks while maintaining their competitive advantage.” Herminia Ibarra in her book, Act Like A Leader, Think Like A Leader (Harvard Business Review Press, 2015), writes about the importance of leaders have operational, personal, and strategic networks. As she explains, “The first helps you manage current internal responsibilities, the second boosts personal development, and the third focuses on new business directions and the stakeholders you must get on board to pursue these directions.” She notes that the strategic network “is made up of relationships that help you to envision the future, sell your ideas, and get the information and resources you need to exploit these ideas…. A good strategic network gives you connective advantage: the ability to marshal information, support, or other resources from one of your networks to obtain results in another.” Editors, Frances Hesselbein and Marshall Goldsmith in their book, The Organization of the Future 2: Visions, Strategies and Insights on Managing in a New Era (Jossey-Bass, 2009), write that the goal of your network is to build strategic unity, namely “the ability to create a shared point of view and common behaviors in an increasingly diverse work setting.” 

From my perspective, when we build and maintain the aforementioned three networks, we are able to navigate the challenges before us because these networks help us be more competent, i.e. able to do the work, and committed, i.e. willing to do the work and better able to find the meaning and purpose within the work. If we seek to see simplicity in the complicated, and achieve greatness in little things, the best place to start is to create a future where we are more mindful in the present. And, I know nothing better to help us be more mindful than participating with an active and diverse network of people. 

The world we live in is getting more interconnected, faster, and chaotic. Still, as leaders, we can focus on improving mission clarity, decision-making and the decision-making process, and the health of our strategic and operational networks. While these seem like such little things, they are, nevertheless, a way to achieve greatness and simplicity when surrounded by complexity. And right now, we need all involved to do these three things very well. 

© Geery Howe 2026

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Everything Changes - part #2

The Importance Of Dialogues And Multilogues

The other thing leaders need to understand is that cell phones and other forms of technology can result in being constantly distracted from the present moment, and from the important work of making connections with people. As Margaret Wheatley points out, “Only use processes that bring people together in mutual respect. No othering or distancing from one another. We start and end as equals…. Conversations is the technology. Curiosity, vulnerability, mutual respect give it power.” 

From my professional experiences of working with great leaders, I have witnessed that being fully present with others means creating quality time for sharing, listening, and learning, which creates a deeper level of understanding, knowledge, and perspective. It also provides us with the opportunity to be mindfully evolving our own capacity to lead and serve others. 

Yet, for this to happen on an on-going basis, we need to engage in dialogues and multilogues on a routine basis. The word dialogue comes the Greek language meaning dia through and logus word. It is a conversation between two people, focusing on the exchange of words and ideas. I have often seen this done well during regular coaching and check-in sessions. 

Multilogue, on the other hand, is a conversation involving three or more participants, often characterized as many-to-many rather than a two-person dialogue. It allows for multiple and diverse voices and perspectives to be heard, and it is a safe space for co-creation and in-depth collaboration. While a dialogue is often between two people, a multilogue, or sometimes called a polylogue, describes a larger group interaction, which, over time, can build ownership and a strategic level mindset. I have often seen this done well during regular strategic reviews and during in-depth strategic planning. 

When I think about dialogues and multilogues, I have to remember that I was raised in a print culture, i.e. books, newspapers, articles, etc., with a general societal focus on continuity, uniformity, and repeatability. I even remember the Dewy Decimal System and using the card catalog at the local library. However, we now live in a time period of AI, Chat GPT, algorithms, and internet searches, all of which have the potential to create discontinuity, ambiguity, and multiple networks of interactions in order to find key information, develop a plan, or quickly adapt a plan that is already being executed. 

Given this wide diversity of life experiences within the current workforce, the best leaders, who recognize that everything changes over time, do not focus on one of the aforementioned differences as being good and the other as being bad or old fashion. Instead, they recognize that the world of effective leadership is built on working within an interconnected whole rather than just defining it as a collection of entities, teams, or people. The combination of dialogues and multilogues creates an interconnected whole with a direct connection to the strategic nexus, namely the sum of mission, vision and core values plus the current strategic plan. 

The Challenge of Armor

Still, when leaders approach people and change from a binary perspective, namely done vs not done, they invariably end up armoring up to protect themself from others. They do this, because they frame resistance and the feeling of things being chaotic as a problem rather than as a normal part of the overall change process. Brené Brown in her book, Strong Ground: The Lessons Of Daring Leadership, The Tenacity Of Paradox, and The Wisdom Of The Human Spirit (Random House, 2025), writes “The big learning from the original research and substantiated by every study we’ve done since is that the real barrier to daring leadership is armor - the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that we use to protect ourselves when weren’t willing and able to rumble with vulnerability.” Then, with their armor on as form of self-protection, they are ready to do battle with everyone and every thing around them. The result is that kindness, respect, compassion, and collaboration fall by the wayside in one’s expectations and efforts to generate perfect levels of control, order, and predictability. 

Nevertheless, I can hear executive coaches advising clients to take off their armor in order to be more effective. Yet, taking off this amor can feel chaotic if not even a crisis for many leaders. They put on the armor, consciously or unconsciously, because they did not feel safe. They also put it on, because, on one level, they did have the tools or the mindset to “rumble with vulnerability.” For them, the armor is the solution to a problem, and the problem is fear. As Brené Brown notes, “At the heart of daring leadership is a deeply human truth that is rarely acknowledged, especially at work: Courage and fear are not mutually exclusive. Most of us feel brave and afraid at the exact same time. Sometimes all day long.”

Therefore, we need to create the conditions for people to feel safe at the individual and group or team levels. This involves building trust, and thoughtful connections. We also need to provide them with the tools and perspective to deal with fear, vulnerability, and unpredictability. Otherwise, the choice will be put on armor, and focus on controlling everything and everyone around us. 

There also is one more thing we need to do. As James Kouzes and Barry Posner in their book, A Leader’s Legacy (Jossey-Bass, 2006), explain, “Speaking of the truth, for each individual, the most important leader in any organization is not the CEO, or the head honcho; it’s the leader we see most often, the one we turn to when we need guidance and support.” They then note, the “... single best predictor of career success is the relationship they had with their very first supervisor…. The leaders who have the most influence on us are those who are closest to us.” 

And when we armor up, and then engage with others, we are not going to be seen as someone who can offer guidance and support. We also will not be seen as someone who cares and understands the challenges of working within complexity. In short, our lack of vulnerability will be framed as a barrier rather than an asset. 

So, in order to help leaders take off their armor and become the kind of people who others are willing to follow, Kouzes and Posner remind us that “leadership development is first and foremost self-development.” And when this in-depth self-development process takes place, Kouzes and Posner write, “Leadership is courage in action…. Leadership is a humbling experience…. When we choose to lead every day, we choose to serve. Leading is not about what we gain from others but what others gain from us.” And serving others is vital to dealing with the convergence of complexity and rapid intensification. 

Simplify, Simplify, Simplify

“It’s really easy to complicate your life,” writes Yvon Chouinard, founder of Patagonia. “It’s a lot harder to simplify it.” Nevertheless, that is exactly what we need to do at this time period. 

Currently, we live in a world where multiple factors are causing everything to feel and be  chaotic. While we wish this could all change overnight, leaders understand that this is a pipe dream rather than the reality within which they work and live. They also understand that in order for us to be effective, and, at times, efficient, we need to accept the fact that everything changes. And some days, these changes are adaptive and other days they are evolutionary. But in the end, change is the constant in the world of leadership. 

Therefore, when things feel chaotic and are chaotic, we must change our inscape in order to better lead within the landscape of our lives. We must prepare for, and recognize the conditions that generate rapid intensification. We must create the time and space for more dialogues and multilogues in order to create greater levels of clarity, commitment, and engagement. We also must recognize that the armor we put on and wear, consciously or unconsciously, does not always serve us well or generate respectful and meaningful connections with others. 

If our goal in the midst of all this change is to respond rather than to react, and to build safe and trusting work environments, where all involved can create solutions which are owned and understood by the people who have to execute them, then we must calm our minds and be fully present to people around us. For when we do this, something important happens. As Joey Reiman, professor at Emory’s Business School, wrote: “If you can change your mind, you can change the world.” And that is what we are trying to do while everything changes all around us. 

© Geery Howe 2026

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Everything Changes - part #1

Introduction

Recently, I have shared a term with leaders that has been quite helpful, namely rapid intensification. This term is used to describe how hurricanes develop in a short period of time, e.g. the weather was fine and then it changed quickly overnight, which resulted in the development of a hurricane. Recognizing this pattern, weather scientists monitor for the conditions that will result in rapid intensification, and, if they see it starting to happen, they then make specific recommendations as to safety, etc. before a full blown hurricane happens. 

Given current events taking place in a wide diversity of organizations, the conditions for rapid intensification are surfacing. Therefore, leaders need to monitor these conditions quite closely. Then, if they do surface, they need to have a plan for how to respond in order to handle the arrival of a metaphorical hurricane. 

Another element related to this current situation is that more and more people report feeling isolated, excluded, and invisible at work and at home. They also are feeling irritated, impatient, and disappointed that things are not working very well. Many of these people are desperately seeking a place and/or a group where they feel like they belong, and are welcomed just as they are. These individuals have a desire for connection and certainty, a wanting to stand on solid and stable ground, and a hoping for time and space where life is predictable and safe. This desire reflects people being worn to the core by constant ambiguity and uncertainty. For some, they feel like every day is a moment of rapid intensification, resulting in perpetual hurricanes on a wide variety of different levels in their professional and personal lives. 

The Big Question

So, what are people in leadership positions suppose to do when all of this is taking place day after day, month after month?

First, we must remember that everything changes, and that everyone has always been a part of the process. While this may not be comforting, it is a normal part of living, whether we like it or not. 

Second, we need to remember an insight shared by Margaret Wheatley: “Evolution does not mean progress, only adaptive change.” While things have always been changing, it does not mean that things are always moving in the right direction. Adaptive change is not always progress. 

Third, we need to discern where all this change and reaction to change is happening. Currently, we are dealing with more and more complex problems, and the consequences of many, past solutions. The outcome of this convergence is overwhelming. But we must pause and discern where, not just what is happening. 

Nineteenth-century poet Gerard Manley Hopkins coined the phrase “inscape” as being different than landscape. The former focuses on the inner experience of a person moving through time while the later focuses on the external experience of a person through time. While there is a subtle difference between the two, our role as leaders is to discern where the change is happening and how we want to proceed. From experience, working on the inscape is vital to working effectively in the landscape.  

Responding to Rapid Intensification

With these three perspectives in mind, we as leaders can respond to these cycles of constant, rapid intensification in three ways. First, we must focus on listening to what is going on inside of us, and also what is happening outside of us. Listening is an opportunity to become more open, not just to understand what is being said on the outside, but also to comprehend the inner dialogue about it. For when we listen and are more open to a diversity of perspectives, we have the opportunity to comprehend a larger understanding, and the inter and intra connectivity to all that is happening in the midst of the constant fragmentation, uncertainty, and ambiguity that surrounds us. 

Second, we must practice deep gratitude with the people who are seen and not seen in our lives. Every day, a wide diversity of people are making things happen at work, in society, and in our direct lives. For example, we see the people who are putting the food on the shelves at the grocery store. Yet, we do not see the people who grew it, picked it, and delivered it to the store. They are just as important as the ones who stock it so we can buy it. All of these people deserve our respect, and appreciation. They are creating the infrastructure for us to do what we do in our lives. They, the seen and unseen, are giving us the capacity to cope, and, in time, work with all that is changing. 

Third, we need to redefine what is leadership. For many people, it is a philosophical framework that determines how they engage with others. And, I believe this is a very important way of defining leadership. Still, I also believe it is a pathway that one commits to, and lives over time. For over the course of one’s career, the definition and experience of being a leader changes. In the beginning, it may be about choices and decisions, but later it is about connections, clarity, and commitment. Because as we commit to the pathway of leadership, we end up making three important choices, namely being kind to all seen and unseen people, being respectful to all seen and unseen people, and being compassionate to all seen and unseen people. The philosophical framework is the beginning, but the commitment to the pathway is the on-going journey to effectiveness and collaboration. 

At the same time, let us remember that kindness, respect, and compassion play a vital role to being successful. The challenge is that many leaders do not do these three things very well. They forget that kindness, respect, and compassion are the building blocks of healthy relationships, and the elements for on-going engagement and commitment. I think this lack of perspective comes from thinking that being kind as a leader is a sign of weakness. We so easily forget that everyone is doing their best, many times in spite of all that is happening in their lives. We also forget that everyone has a life story that includes joy and suffering, clarity and pain. 

To be continued on Tuesday. 

© Geery Howe 2026

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change