Four Recent Insights

Routinely now, I get asked what I have been doing since I’ve retired. First, I have to remind people that I am mostly retired. I still do some monthly coaching of long term clients who I have regularly visited with for over 15+ years. I also still do some mentoring of young professionals who are making a profound difference in the world. The combination of these two activities is one way I can support the next generation of leaders. 

When I am not doing this level of work, I read every day for over an hour from a wide diversity of authors who make me think deeply and broadly. I garden extensively, because I find this time outdoors to be restorative and up-lifting. I also visit with family and close friends, do puzzles, and listen to music. And in the late afternoons, I love to cook and bake.

Not too long ago, a young leader asked me what I have learned since retiring. This made me pause and review all that has taken place so far in this retirement journey. Here are four recent insights I shared that morning. 

First, life goes by faster than we think. And most of us are not aware of how fast it is moving forward. Day by day, we can fill our lives with busy work. And much of it does need to be done. Yet, we also have a choice to discover the sacred within the ordinary. I think this discovery of the sacred happens when we come to the realization that the moments of connection we have with others are the special moments within our life journey.

Furthermore, these connections happen when we realize that everything and everyone exists in relationship with one another. These special moments are built and defined by interdependence and interconnectedness. And as a result, we recognize that all our lives are interwoven. Life moves quickly, but these kinds of connections are timeless. 

Second, there is great joy in seeing others rise, step out, and be successful. I marvel now at the times I have witnessed someone who put in the work and transformed themselves and their way of living and working. I celebrate their inner re-alignment and the outer results that have taken place because of it. I am humbled that I was gifted the opportunity to be present to this transformation. 

Third, gratitude is a critical to health. As we age, we change on many different levels e.g. mind, body, heart, and spirit. I have witnessed many people who enter their retirement years worn to the core and burned out from life. And I have witnessed many people who enter their retirement years energized and eager to start the next phase of their life. 

I believe the critical difference is their depth of gratitude. I have come to realize that being alive is a gift that not everyone gets to experience. And my gratitude for being alive opens my eyes and heart to the daily miracles happening all around me. Whether it is a shift of the seasons, or a kind and loving gesture from a dear friend or family member, all of these impact and contribute to my overall health. They generate in me a depth of wholeness. They help me see the sacred in the ordinary and for this I am humbly grateful for the gift of being alive at this time period. 

Fourth, in the end, it’s relationships that matter the most. What most people don’t tell you is that retirement is a process of destruction and creation, all at the same time. As a society, we are so defined by our work identities. “I am a manager, consultant, business owner, vice-president, etc.”. This is how we introduce ourselves to others. These labels define so much of who we are and what we do. 

Then, when we retire, all of these labels start in the past tense, e.g. “I was fill in the blank.” It begins with a loss of identity, and an ending of self-definition. And at the exact same time, it starts the process of creating a new identity. This new identity is based on our relationships, i.e. husband, father, grandfather, friend, etc. These relationships become critical to our sense of health and well being. They are what truly matters, the essence of our true self. And I am embracing this whole life identity more as each season passes. 

For many people, retirement is framed up as “the good life.” And while it can be special, I believe the definition of the good life evolves over time. I can think back to many great days while working when I would have defined it as the good life, if not the best life. I also have memories of days when working was hard, challenging, and difficult. Those same kinds of days do not stop happening when we retire. They are still there, just in new forms. 

However, when I approach each new day remembering that life goes by faster than we think and that relationships are what matter the most, I can cope better with the new challenges of this season of my life. And I can continue to create a good life in the midst of it all. As a Hindu sage once shared, “The day is to be experienced, not understood.” I may not fully understand everything yet about being retired, but I am experiencing each day as fully as possible, and discovering the sacred within the ordinary. 

© Geery Howe 2025

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

How To Create Order Out Of Chaos

Right now, life feels very chaotic. People are important decisions. Teams are struggling. And some events feel wildly insane. In the midst of it all, most of us just want some good, old fashion predictability and order. 

Now the classic British answer to this kind of situation is to “stay calm and carry on.” And this does work to a point, because most of us want to experience order and stability in our day to day lives. While there is no magic formula, I believe leaders can make five important choices to move themselves, their teams, and their organizations in that direction. It requires some heavy lifting, but if we are strong in mind, body, and spirit, it can be done. 

First, we must choose to respond rather than react to all that is happening around us and within us. Leaders, who typically react, start by being the judge, the controller, and/or the know-it-all when crazy times surface. I get these default choices and recognize that they work on some level. However, they do not generate clarity, commitment, or ownership of the problems. They also do not create the solutions that individuals and teams need to execute during hard times. Furthermore, they do not build meaningful levels of trust which can support people to take risks in their thinking or their actions. In short, the above three default choices result in fear or worry which are often the taproot for chaos.

When we choose to respond from the place of discernment, reflection, and then thoughtful decision-making, something different happens. In this way of moving forward, we recognize that thinking, discussing, and contemplation are all valuable steps to creating order out of chaos. Then, when the time comes for participation, practice, and execution, people feel they have been heard and understood. People also feel they have agency to make thoughtful choices rather than knee-jerk reactions. 

Second, we must offer clarity with kindness, not judgement. This begins with being respectful, and engaging in active listening when others share their thinking and reflections. In this digital age, this is very difficult to do in part because our attention spans are constantly being interrupted or distracted by news alerts or other reminders. As a result, few people actually focus long enough to speak coherently or listen thoughtfully. Most want to do all their communication by e-mail, text, or a series of emojis. Then, they do not need to have actual inter-personal engagement, which takes take too long and is so complicated. 

Still, offering clarity with kindness instead of judgement is a good choice. As part of this choice, we must create time and space to make it happen. We need to create distraction-free, concentration zones so people can relearn how to listen and share. In particular, we need to help people remember and/or experience for the first time the creation of clarity and understanding. They need to move from being unaware to aware, and then, with time, to understanding. This is hard work and offering kindness rather than judgement is a big part of creating the psychological safety to make it happen. 

Third, we must build on strengths, our own and others. At first this seems obvious, and yet few leaders truly understand their own strengths. And even fewer can articulate the strengths of their direct reports. I know this because during the last four months, many leaders have discussed with me about what to do with their direct reports who are struggling and/or not meeting expectations. Most of these discussions have revolved around how to coach people in these situations. What fascinates me is that when I ask the question, “What are the strengths of this individual?”, few, if any, can actually articulate these strengths. And I believe, this is the source of the problem. 

Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman in their seminal work, First, Break All The Rules: What The World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently. (Simon & Schuster, 1999), write: “each individual is true to his or her own unique nature…. great managers capitalize on this and try to help each person become more and more of who they already are.” I have learned over many decades of work that this is no small thing and requires on-going time and attention. For if we seek to build on their strengths, we must help employees understand their strengths, plus help them to learn new skills and knowledge to build on them. It is the combination of both elements that helps people improve. 

At the same time, we need to do likewise with our own strengths. Referencing Buckingham and Coffman’s work, they write: “one of the signs of a great manager is their ability is to describe, in detail, the unique talents of each of his or her people - what drives each one, how each one thinks, how each builds relationships.” I think this applies to us as leaders, too. We need to be able to describe these elements about ourselves. Because it is the convergence of both elements, our capacity to understand this about our direct reports and about ourselves that generates effective and creative ways to create order out of chaos. 

Fourth, we must be mindful of our inner dialogue. Many years ago, I was working with a head of HR who was very good at his job. His colleagues called him Yoda because of his insights and perspective. On the day we visited about a team leader who was struggling and was not able to get his team to function consistently over time, he turned to me and asked a great question: “What do you think is the story he is telling himself at this time period?”. At that moment, I stopped the analysis of what was happening, and just reflected on this question. Neither of us had chosen to inquire about his inner dialogue. We just had not considered this pathway. Later, when we did, we uncovered a whole new layer of information and solutions that shifted the entire situation. 

Since then, I have observed that leaders, who are able to make it through chaotic time periods, are very conscious about their inner dialogue. With trusted  allies and confidants, they explore it and share about it, attempting to gain perspective and insights to where they may be missing key information or taking certain pieces of information out of context. They work hard not to tell themselves stories that are not true, or to default to feelings that are not true perceptions of reality. In particular, they reflect deeply on whether or not what they are feeling and thinking is based on facts or an invented story they are telling themselves. In short, they are very mindful of their internal dialogue. 

Fifth, we must learn how to ask for help. In the world of leadership, this is not a common choice. Most leaders go it alone and push themselves to always know the answer to every question. They also hold unrealistic expectations about how much they can get done in a single day, week, or month. Routinely, they push past their capacity and then wonder why burnout takes place. 

But it does not need to be this way. We can learn how to ask for help. We can come to understand that being a leader does not mean one knows all and does all for everyone else. We can live and work in a manner that is responsible, respectable, and manageable. 

Yet, for many leaders, asking for help is seen as a sign of weakness or incompetence. Therefore, they choose not to do it. However, great leaders recognize that interdependence rather than independence is the only way to create order out of chaos. And within interdependence, asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but instead a sign of strength and clarity. By saying “I need your help and input on this problem”, we, as leaders, are role modeling integrity, clarity, and the importance of teamwork. We are also helping others to join with us to create less chaos and a more stable work environment. 

In the beginning, these five choices may seem elementary. However, when they are done together, they are actually an elegant solution to chaos. Because when these five choices converge, we seek unity over uniformity or conformity. We recognize our differences, and at the exact same time period, seek the common good that unites us all. In short, we create time and space where healthy connections and a common direction can bring us together. 

As Arthur Brooks reminds us, “… you can’t choose your feelings, but you can choose your reaction to your feelings.” And when things feel crazy and chaotic, we can choose to respond rather than react, offer clarity with kindness not judgement, be mindful of our inner dialogue, and learn to ask for help. And when this happens, we will be on the pathway to creating order of out of chaos. 

© Geery Howe 2025

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Build Longer Tables

Nowadays, leaders are under a lot of pressure. They are expected to deliver impressive results every quarter. They are expected to create operational efficiency and amazing strategy, all at the same time. They also are expected to create highly engaged employees who are committed to the organization’s mission and who embrace the organization’s core values in word and deed. In short, they are expected to be a rainmaker and to improve profitability on a day to day basis.

However, the current business environment is volatile and uncertain. Still, we expect leaders to deliver. And they are trying with great effort to do this. The difficulty is that they are caught between offering certainty and stability to make the above happen, and, at the exact same time, they are supposed to generate new possibilities and potential. This is a very challenging combination. 

The outcome of this push pull situation is that many leaders end up in the place of self-judgement and self-criticism. They try hard to meet these expectations, but in the end, they can not generate amazing results in the midst of such ambiguity and uncertainty. Thus, they just give up on themselves and everything around them. In particular, they often abandon their team. They also feel defeated in the face of all that others expect and all they expect of themselves. They even feel hopeless, wondering if being a leader was worth all the time and effort they put in to try and make things better.

So, what do we do when this happens?

The answer came to me while I was listening to Brene Brown’s Unlocking Us Podcast and her interview of Dr. Heather Cox Richardson. During this discussion, Brene shared the phrase, “Don’t build walls; build longer tables.” It is a comment that just stopped me in my tracks, because it was a profound truth, elegantly captured in such a simple statement. And I have reflected on it for quite a while. 

First, it is normal when we are overwhelmed and under pressure to build internal walls to protect ourselves. The thicker they are and the higher they are the better. Self-preservation is a strong, innate response to possible threats and danger. 

But these walls lock us in as much as they lock out the dangers we perceive heading our way. I am reminded of something the late Stephen Covey wrote many years ago: “You can want to do the right thing, and you can even want to do it for the right reasons. But if you don’t apply the right principles, you can still hit the wall.” And when we build these high inner walls, we will inevitably hit the wall even if we are trying to do the right thing for the right reasons. 

Second, we often build walls and then wonder why people are not working with us to make something happen. We get deeply frustrated and even upset because positive change is not taking place. As Coco Chanel noted, “Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.” We default to building the walls and then beat ourselves upon them, hoping they will turn into doors. 

When I reflect on this insight, I am reminded of an old French saying, “Change is a door that can only be opened from the inside.” The first step to dealing with the pressure and the expectations, realistic and unrealistic, is to find the door in the walls we have built and to open it. This requires us to pause in the midst of the pressure and to do something important. I gleaned this insight from a conversation with executive coach, author, and founder of The Restoration Project, Lindsay Leahy, who shared with me that we need to stop reacting to the requests of others and instead to start planning our priorities. And when we choose to do this level of inner work, we find greater focus and clarity. As the English poet, William Blake explains, “All we need to do is cleanse the doors of perception, and we shall see things as they are - infinite.” Defining our priorities is one part of cleansing the doors of our perception and opening up those doors to new and infinite possibilities. 

Another part of defining our priorities takes us to the third choice, namely to build longer tables. For as we define our priorities, at both the task and project levels plus at the relationship level, we often discover that we have more than enough to get the projects done if we include others in the process of achieving these priorities with us. Thus, when we build longer tables, we create personal capacity and also collective and generative capacity. When building longer tables, we reclaim our agency and support the agency of others. 

Then, when we gather at these longer tables, we rediscover our common ground and our common feelings and experiences. We also celebrate our differences and our diversity as well as share our stories. Rather than building higher inner walls that push others away, we can extend the table and offer generosity to others and ourself. 

I get the pressure leaders are under these days. I know it from the inside out. I am a native in this land rather than a tourist. I also know that by building longer tables, we can create new pathways to better ways of living and working. We also can rediscover infinite possibilities and infinite support. For in the end, we will realize that we are not alone in these struggles. And with the support of all those sitting with us at the longer table, we can move forward step by step through these challenging times. 

© Geery Howe 2025

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Executive Presence

Over the years, I have routinely discussed and explored the subject of executive presence. It usually comes up when a senior leader believes that their direct report does not have enough of it and needs to get better at it. As a result, these leaders often focus on the charisma element of executive presence and how the person in question needs to be more self-aware of their appearance, speaking ability, and body language. 

For me, I always find the discussion about executive presence fascinating, because people have such broad and diverse definitions of what it means. Rarely have I found a common consensus on what it is or how to acquire it. However, all involved would agree that certain people have it and others do not. And that more people in leadership positions need to get it in order to be successful. 

Upon reflection, I believe executive presence can start with self-awareness, but it is much greater than this singular choice. Having worked with thousands and thousands of leaders over many decades, I have met leaders with executive presence and those who have gained it over time. I believe there are three key choices that leaders role model when they exhibit executive presence. 

First, they are fully present and attentive to the people they are with at any given time period. On the surface, showing up and being present does not seem like a big thing. But, when you experience a relationship or a moment when someone is fully present and giving you their undivided attention, you realize that this is a powerful choice and a transformative choice. For when they are with you, they are attuned to the connection that is taking place. As Franciscan priest and writer Father Richard Rohr wrote, “Presence is wisdom! People who are fully present know how to see fully, rightly, and truthfully. Presence is the one thing necessary, and in many ways, the hardest thing of all. Just try to keep your heart open, your mind without division or resistance, and your body not somewhere else.” And when this open heart, mind and body are united in being fully present, these individuals “see fully, rightly, and truthfully” which is a great definition of executive presence. 

Second, they engage in making and maintaining connections with a wide diversity of people. Building on this convergence of body, mind and heart, their presence is much greater than what they physically see and do. Instead, it is about how they see things and people. They focus on the wholeness of the people before them and give them their complete attention. This only happens because they have slowed down in order to make meaningful connections rather than transactional connections. 

Furthermore, as part of making and maintaining these connections with a wide diversity of people, they focus on community building. Rather than making all the connections about themselves as a positional leader, they instead focus on making sure people are connected with other people. I have witnessed this over and over when a leader will introduce a person to another person, noting where they have common ground and shared interests. For them, building these networks of relationships is an act of conscious community building, which strengthens the whole of the company and strengthens all involved. With mutual and respectful commonality, they know that all will be transformed over time, and that commonality, community, and connections are the pathway to make this happen. 

Third, they are confident and calm in spite of the challenges before them. This is the hardest choice to role model and also one of the most important choices to role model on a daily basis. I believe this capacity to be confident and calm starts with having   inner clarity, i.e. an understanding of what they believe and an understanding of what are their defaults choices and reactions during stressful and challenging times. This inner clarity then gets role modeled externally by having confidence in their team and others to get things done. They lead from who they are rather than an external ego driven image or perspective. 

Within this deep inner clarity, there is one more element that makes their executive presence so authentic, namely their compassion. The word compassion comes from the Latin word, compati, meaning “to suffer with.” It is an emotional response of empathy and sympathy, and the feeling and desire to want to help. Compassion arises from an open heart. It means showing up and paying attention to what is needed in any given situation. It is reflected in genuinely caring for people as people, not just as employees or team members. It is seeing these same people as whole people with full, diverse and meaningful lives even in the midst of their complex and complicated challenges. In particular, I have seen this compassion often displayed by their kindness and thoughtfulness with others. And their willingness to know how they are doing as a person, more than how are they doing in getting their work done. This combination of inner clarity and compassion plus calmness and confidence makes a major difference in their ability to role model executive presence. 

When all three of these aforementioned choices happen at the same time and place, namely being fully present and attentive to the people they are with at any given time period, making and maintaining connections with a wide diversity of people, and being confident and calm in spite of the challenges before them, people notice, appreciate, and are willing to work with a leader through difficult times and challenging problems. But in the beginning, leaders, who role model executive presence, focus less on what they are going to do and instead focus more on who they want to be during their time as a leader. This subtle but significant shift creates genuine connections with others and results in authentic executive presence. 

© Geery Howe 2025

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Two Big Questions

Over the course of the last six months, two big questions have surfaced in my work. The first is “Why are the simple things so complicated right now?”. The second is “Why does the future no longer seem so far away?”. I have reflected deeply on these two questions, I also have visited with others about them as well. Over time, I have gained some perspective and understanding that I want to share with you here today. 

The first question, “Why are the simple things so complicated right now?”, reflects the feeling that life has become very complicated and complex, all at the same time. Before we go any further, we need to understand the difference between these two words, complicated and complex. For example, a car can be a complicated machine. Yet, an expert mechanic can take it a part and reassemble it without changing a thing. The car is static and the outcome is predictable. The whole is the sum of its parts. On the other hand, a Brazilian rainforest is complex. The rainforest is in constant flux and the weather patterns change routinely. Animal species change or can go extinct. Local agriculture can impact it, too. Therefore, the whole is far more than the sum of its parts, and most of what we understand about the rainforest, we understand in retrospect. 

With the above in mind, most people visiting with me default to the word “complicated.” I recognize that they are not discerning a difference between complicated and complex. So, moving forward I will use the word “complicated” with the understanding that I think the first question reflects a convergence of both the complicated and complex. 

Now, I think the basic answer to the first question, “Why are the simple things so complicated right now?”, is because things are no longer simple. While this may be a blinding flash of the obvious, referencing the past work of Tom Peters, I believe this is happening because all of the simple things have turned into adaptive challenges. Ron Heifetz, Alexander Grashow, and Marty Linsky in their book, The Practice of Adaptive Leadership: Tools and Tactics for Changing Your Organization and the World (Harvard Business Press, 2009), define an adaptive challenge as a problem that requires a new perspective, expertise and solution, lest the organization decline. There are four characteristics to this kind of problem. First, defining the problem may require learning. Second, it calls into question fundamental assumptions and beliefs. Third, it can only be addressed through changes in people’s priorities, beliefs, habits, and loyalties. Fourth, it requires new ways of thinking. As a result of dealing with these adaptive challenges, I also believe that many, if not most, leaders are experiencing a high level of decision fatigue, i.e. they are exhausted by the number and magnitude of the decisions that are being brought before them, resulting in routine cognitive overload and a deteriorating level of decision-making. 

Furthermore, when this happens week after week, our days shift into “blursday,” referencing a common term used during the pandemic lockdown. Thus, Monday is no different than a Friday, and Saturday or Sunday are not times of rest and renewal, just another day to be overwhelmed with everything that did not get done during the normal work week. In short, blursday becomes every day and as a result, all the simple things become complicated. 

In the beginning, we must acknowledge that this is a painfully difficult way of living and working. No one wakes up hoping that their day is a blur and that their work life is a burden. No one what’s to be overwhelmed and burned out by life and work. No one wants to feel helpless and hopeless. No one wants to experience cognitive overload. Yet, it happens, and appears to be happening more often than we care to acknowledge at this time period. 

The other element which is making the simple things so complicated is that digital accessibility is omnipresent. As a wise young person pointed out to me,  this level of constant accessibility creates a shadow over all aspects of life and work. Therefore, one must constantly manage the volume of digital inputs and information at any given time. Furthermore, it often increases the scale of complexity and over shadows simplicity. Thus, people in leadership positions have to make a conscious effort to see through this digital shadow in order to find the simplicity within the complexity. 

This wise young person also pointed out to me the importance of discerning the difference of between connectivity and connections. The former does always help make simple things less complicated, because it gives us too much information and too many options or rabbit holes to go and get lost in. The later, on the other hand, requires us to disconnect from the constant digital accessibility, and to experience what is happening now rather than to focus on controlling the now, or being distracted within the now.  

With all of this in mind, the first step to making the simple things less complicated is to acknowledge that they have become complicated. This is not simple or easy to do. To accept what we are experiencing can create a feeling of vulnerability, which is not something that most people care to admit or experience. 

Next, we need to work the adaptive problems before us rather than react to the adaptive problems before us. As part of working the problems, we need to understand that our default reaction to when simple things have become complicated is to respond by separating all the simple things into smaller, more manageable problems. Then, we try and come up with various small solutions. However, I have witnessed on numerous occasions where this choice has resulted in leaders trying to control everything and everyone around them. This rarely results in new or creative solutions, or a general sense of ownership and commitment to work on the adaptive problem or problems. 

While this approach of divide and control may feel productive, it is not a viable solution, because it does not create a structure for an adaptive problem solving process. Instead, we need to step back from our reactive default feelings and choices, and focus on unifying all the elements so we can understand how they are interacting with each other. This means we need to slow down rather than speed up our problem solving so we can better understand and work with the adaptive challenges. Then, we can create the right structure for problem solving, i.e. time frames, decision rules, clear role assignments, etc. 

This also means we need to ask ourselves two important questions as part of the creation of a problem solving structure. First, whose owns these adaptive challenges? Second, who owns the decision rights to solving these adaptive challenges? Too often, we assume that the problem is ours alone to solve and that we have the power to make all of the decisions around a particular problem. However, this is often not the case. Instead, we need to create ownership of the adaptive problems that is larger than just us. Then, we need to engage in a group problem solving process rather than a singular, individual, positional problem solving process. Still, we need to remember that all of this work is going to require us to reset our default choices, and to generate an on-going evolution in our own consciousness or mindset. In short, in order to make the simple things less complicated, leadership needs to become a verb more than a noun, a process more than a conclusion, an experience more than a dogma, a relationship more than just an outcome. 

I agree that the simple things have become more complicated, and that those simple things are mostly adaptive challenges which are causing us to experience cognitive overload and decision fatigue. However, I do not believe it is a terminal situation with no hope in sight. Instead, I see it as a signal that we need to do our own personal work so that we are no longer, unconsciously defaulting to unhealthy patterns of problem solving and overall leadership. 

And this leads me to the second big question, namely “Why does the future no longer seem so far away?”. Upon reflection, I believe this is happening in part because of the conditions surrounding the first question. I also believe it is happening right now, because the pace of change has accelerated to the point that we are just running to keep up with it. There is a term that explains what we are experiencing right now, and it is called The Red Queen Principle, namely we are running faster and faster just to stay in the same place. This is happening in part because of the pace of change and the expectation that we can solve adaptive problems at the speed of software, i.e. connectivity, rather than at the speed of people, i.e. the health of our relationships and connections. 

Now in the beginning when the future feels like it is not longer far away, we, as leaders, must understand that it is normal for leaders to bear the weight of ambiguity and inconsistencies. It is normal that we feel the eternal brokenness within certain systems. While we wish the organization and the teams within it could achieve a state of certitude and order in all things, we would only be kidding ourselves if we thought this was possible on a regular basis. Still, we need to learn, and often relearn, how to trust the process of change. In particular, we need to learn how to trust ourselves and all those involved in the midst of change. And, we need to relearn how to let the change process unfold, to let it happen in it’s own way, time, and pace. 

As part of this learning and relearning journey, we must not confuse knowledge with understanding. We also must not confuse knowledge with a transformation of consciousness. And finally, we must not confuse knowledge with the inner experience of clarity and belonging. All of this is deep internal work that rarely, if ever, happens over night. As part of this level of work, we must remember the insight that Father Richard Rohr shared, namely that “transformed people transform people.” Thus, we must be open to being transformed, not merely to change our mind, but to transform our entire definition of being a leader. This choice is critical to not getting caught in a default mindset that perpetuates dysfunctional patterns of thinking and working. Instead, it creates the capacity to ask important questions and to gain a better and more holistic perspective. It also allows us to let issues and problems ripen until there is adequate urgency to deal with them in a productive and collective manner. 

In the beginning, as always, the first person that needs to change is us, not someone else. We need to role model the mindset and consciousness we wish to see. We also need to role model the values of integrity and respect, compassion and understanding, clarity and commitment. When we proactively do this and consciously do this on an on-going basis, we send an important and powerful message about how to deal with these two important questions. 

As the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu wrote in the the sixth century BC, “Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.” And in the end, this ancient piece of wisdom may be the critical framework to answering both of these important questions. For if we want to make the simple things less complicated, and if we want the future to be in the future and not impinging on the current moment, then we must have the courage to watch our thoughts, our words, and our actions. For they are directly connected to our destiny. 

© Geery Howe 2025

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change