Routinely now, I get asked what I have been doing since I’ve retired. First, I have to remind people that I am mostly retired. I still do some monthly coaching of long term clients who I have regularly visited with for over 15+ years. I also still do some mentoring of young professionals who are making a profound difference in the world. The combination of these two activities is one way I can support the next generation of leaders.
When I am not doing this level of work, I read every day for over an hour from a wide diversity of authors who make me think deeply and broadly. I garden extensively, because I find this time outdoors to be restorative and up-lifting. I also visit with family and close friends, do puzzles, and listen to music. And in the late afternoons, I love to cook and bake.
Not too long ago, a young leader asked me what I have learned since retiring. This made me pause and review all that has taken place so far in this retirement journey. Here are four recent insights I shared that morning.
First, life goes by faster than we think. And most of us are not aware of how fast it is moving forward. Day by day, we can fill our lives with busy work. And much of it does need to be done. Yet, we also have a choice to discover the sacred within the ordinary. I think this discovery of the sacred happens when we come to the realization that the moments of connection we have with others are the special moments within our life journey.
Furthermore, these connections happen when we realize that everything and everyone exists in relationship with one another. These special moments are built and defined by interdependence and interconnectedness. And as a result, we recognize that all our lives are interwoven. Life moves quickly, but these kinds of connections are timeless.
Second, there is great joy in seeing others rise, step out, and be successful. I marvel now at the times I have witnessed someone who put in the work and transformed themselves and their way of living and working. I celebrate their inner re-alignment and the outer results that have taken place because of it. I am humbled that I was gifted the opportunity to be present to this transformation.
Third, gratitude is a critical to health. As we age, we change on many different levels e.g. mind, body, heart, and spirit. I have witnessed many people who enter their retirement years worn to the core and burned out from life. And I have witnessed many people who enter their retirement years energized and eager to start the next phase of their life.
I believe the critical difference is their depth of gratitude. I have come to realize that being alive is a gift that not everyone gets to experience. And my gratitude for being alive opens my eyes and heart to the daily miracles happening all around me. Whether it is a shift of the seasons, or a kind and loving gesture from a dear friend or family member, all of these impact and contribute to my overall health. They generate in me a depth of wholeness. They help me see the sacred in the ordinary and for this I am humbly grateful for the gift of being alive at this time period.
Fourth, in the end, it’s relationships that matter the most. What most people don’t tell you is that retirement is a process of destruction and creation, all at the same time. As a society, we are so defined by our work identities. “I am a manager, consultant, business owner, vice-president, etc.”. This is how we introduce ourselves to others. These labels define so much of who we are and what we do.
Then, when we retire, all of these labels start in the past tense, e.g. “I was fill in the blank.” It begins with a loss of identity, and an ending of self-definition. And at the exact same time, it starts the process of creating a new identity. This new identity is based on our relationships, i.e. husband, father, grandfather, friend, etc. These relationships become critical to our sense of health and well being. They are what truly matters, the essence of our true self. And I am embracing this whole life identity more as each season passes.
For many people, retirement is framed up as “the good life.” And while it can be special, I believe the definition of the good life evolves over time. I can think back to many great days while working when I would have defined it as the good life, if not the best life. I also have memories of days when working was hard, challenging, and difficult. Those same kinds of days do not stop happening when we retire. They are still there, just in new forms.
However, when I approach each new day remembering that life goes by faster than we think and that relationships are what matter the most, I can cope better with the new challenges of this season of my life. And I can continue to create a good life in the midst of it all. As a Hindu sage once shared, “The day is to be experienced, not understood.” I may not fully understand everything yet about being retired, but I am experiencing each day as fully as possible, and discovering the sacred within the ordinary.
© Geery Howe 2025
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