Nowadays, leaders are under a lot of pressure. They are expected to deliver impressive results every quarter. They are expected to create operational efficiency and amazing strategy, all at the same time. They also are expected to create highly engaged employees who are committed to the organization’s mission and who embrace the organization’s core values in word and deed. In short, they are expected to be a rainmaker and to improve profitability on a day to day basis.
However, the current business environment is volatile and uncertain. Still, we expect leaders to deliver. And they are trying with great effort to do this. The difficulty is that they are caught between offering certainty and stability to make the above happen, and, at the exact same time, they are supposed to generate new possibilities and potential. This is a very challenging combination.
The outcome of this push pull situation is that many leaders end up in the place of self-judgement and self-criticism. They try hard to meet these expectations, but in the end, they can not generate amazing results in the midst of such ambiguity and uncertainty. Thus, they just give up on themselves and everything around them. In particular, they often abandon their team. They also feel defeated in the face of all that others expect and all they expect of themselves. They even feel hopeless, wondering if being a leader was worth all the time and effort they put in to try and make things better.
So, what do we do when this happens?
The answer came to me while I was listening to Brene Brown’s Unlocking Us Podcast and her interview of Dr. Heather Cox Richardson. During this discussion, Brene shared the phrase, “Don’t build walls; build longer tables.” It is a comment that just stopped me in my tracks, because it was a profound truth, elegantly captured in such a simple statement. And I have reflected on it for quite a while.
First, it is normal when we are overwhelmed and under pressure to build internal walls to protect ourselves. The thicker they are and the higher they are the better. Self-preservation is a strong, innate response to possible threats and danger.
But these walls lock us in as much as they lock out the dangers we perceive heading our way. I am reminded of something the late Stephen Covey wrote many years ago: “You can want to do the right thing, and you can even want to do it for the right reasons. But if you don’t apply the right principles, you can still hit the wall.” And when we build these high inner walls, we will inevitably hit the wall even if we are trying to do the right thing for the right reasons.
Second, we often build walls and then wonder why people are not working with us to make something happen. We get deeply frustrated and even upset because positive change is not taking place. As Coco Chanel noted, “Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.” We default to building the walls and then beat ourselves upon them, hoping they will turn into doors.
When I reflect on this insight, I am reminded of an old French saying, “Change is a door that can only be opened from the inside.” The first step to dealing with the pressure and the expectations, realistic and unrealistic, is to find the door in the walls we have built and to open it. This requires us to pause in the midst of the pressure and to do something important. I gleaned this insight from a conversation with executive coach, author, and founder of The Restoration Project, Lindsay Leahy, who shared with me that we need to stop reacting to the requests of others and instead to start planning our priorities. And when we choose to do this level of inner work, we find greater focus and clarity. As the English poet, William Blake explains, “All we need to do is cleanse the doors of perception, and we shall see things as they are - infinite.” Defining our priorities is one part of cleansing the doors of our perception and opening up those doors to new and infinite possibilities.
Another part of defining our priorities takes us to the third choice, namely to build longer tables. For as we define our priorities, at both the task and project levels plus at the relationship level, we often discover that we have more than enough to get the projects done if we include others in the process of achieving these priorities with us. Thus, when we build longer tables, we create personal capacity and also collective and generative capacity. When building longer tables, we reclaim our agency and support the agency of others.
Then, when we gather at these longer tables, we rediscover our common ground and our common feelings and experiences. We also celebrate our differences and our diversity as well as share our stories. Rather than building higher inner walls that push others away, we can extend the table and offer generosity to others and ourself.
I get the pressure leaders are under these days. I know it from the inside out. I am a native in this land rather than a tourist. I also know that by building longer tables, we can create new pathways to better ways of living and working. We also can rediscover infinite possibilities and infinite support. For in the end, we will realize that we are not alone in these struggles. And with the support of all those sitting with us at the longer table, we can move forward step by step through these challenging times.
© Geery Howe 2025
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