Define People By Their Abilities, Not Their Challenges

To graduate from high school, I had to learn a foreign language. Being dyslexic, I always wanted everyone to understand that English was my foreign language. However, my choices at the time were French, German, and Russian. I tried French and failed out quickly. Therefore, I ended up in Latin class where I was overwhelmed and behind from the beginning. But, in the midst of all these difficulties, there was one person who transformed it all for me. She was my Latin teacher. 

Recognizing how much I struggled with English, this teacher we would sit down with me each day, either in study hall or after school, and she would tutor me. Upon reflection, I have come to realize that mostly we talked about Latin, language in general, and my learning difficulties. We also did some, but not much of my actual Latin homework.

In the end, she passed me out of Latin and gave me the gift of being able to graduate from high school. I remember that during one of our final conversations together she pointed out that I should not be defined by my disability as much as by my abilities. 

This all happened decades before the Gallup organization did all of their research on strengths based management and leadership. This also took place before there were numerous book published in the 90’s about supporting people’s talents and helping them minimize their weaknesses. 

As for me, this depth of clarity about how to work with people comes from the understanding that people are doing the best they can with what they have and in the environment within which they are working. If we as leaders want people to do even better, we need to place them in an environment that is safe, compassionate and supportive. Then, their problems and challenges will not be the sole definition of who they are and what they can do.

This week, be a role model for defining people by their abilities, not just their challenges.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

The Stones In Your Pocket

Growing up dyslexic was a challenging journey. School was a struggle from beginning to end. Reading was unbelievably difficult. I had to recognize the letters, then the words, and finally figure out what they meant. 

Furthermore, back in the day, we also wrote everything in cursive. Every day, the moving of that pencil across those lined pieces of paper was dificult. I had to go slowly and still I did not get them right. I always was struggling. Whether I was reading to myself, reading out loud to the class, or writing with paper and pencil, each lesson was a challenge and often a source of great discouragement.

The one person who heard all about this was my late mother. On the ride home from school, or over an afternoon snack at the kitchen table, I would pour out my frustrations to her about school and life. I did not know what to do or how to cope. School just kept happening. I was trying my best and many days it was clearly not making a difference.

One day, after a lot of listening to me she shared the following.

“Life is not easy, Geery. You can carry all of your problems around like they are stones in your pocket. And over time, they will just weigh you down.

Or you can learn to take these stones out of your pocket and lay them down. You need to learn to let go of them and let God help you with them.”

And with that, I had a new way of coping. I could just “let go and let God help me.” Over time, I shortened her comments to simply “let go; let God.” At times, I still struggle with my dyslexia but I do not carry it around like stones in my pocket. I have learned to lay it down and let God help. My late mother sure could put things back into perspective. And that is one of the powerful things that a good role model and mentor does for people.

This week, stop carrying your problems around like stones in your pocket. It is time to lay them down and put them into the hands of a higher power. From personal experience, I can assure you that it will make a difference.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257