Introduction
Recently, I was listening to Lindsay Leahy and Brooke Fitzgerald from The Restoration Project talk about authenticity and leadership. During their presentation, they spoke about the importance of leaders listening to their inner voice. Instantly, I was struck by this being 100% correct. I agree wholeheartedly with their insight. And, at the exact same time, I wondered how many people know how to do this and where to start if they want to do this. The conundrum of agreeing with the insight and not being sure how I listen to my own inner voice plus being able to coach others in how to do this was a delightful opportunity for great reflection and great discussions with others.
The Inner Dialogue
“Each of us has an inner teacher, a voice of truth,” writes Parker Palmer, “that offers the guidance and power we need to deal with our problems.” The first step is to listen to our inner voice, or inner teacher, referencing Parker Palmer, rather than the outside voices of others. When we do this deep, inner listening, we realize that we are really listening to our internal dialogue. And this inner dialogue is an inner discernment process between outer voices and their messages, and our inner voice and our understanding.
Often, the outer voices are sending us messages in multiple forms that state you are not enough, you are not worthy, and you are not working hard enough, etc. All of these messages impact us on various levels. We feel judged by them and often defined by them. If we accept them as true, then our inner voice becomes an inner critic who reaffirms these messages. Or our inner voice becomes an inner defender who blames and criticizes everyone else for what is going on. As Greg McKeown notes, “… when people fear being judged, it drowns out their inner voice. They are able to focus only on what they think we want to hear, rather than on what they actually see or feel.”
However, our inner voice does not want to criticize ourself or fight with others. Instead, it wants to help us make the best of the various situations within which we find ourself. The outer voice is always present, always speaking, and always inserting itself into the inner dialogue. I believe the goal of the outer voice is uniformity while the goal of the inner voice is unity and alignment. The challenge in the midst of these two voices is to create the time and the space to listen to the inner voice. This process of inner listening often begins with centering.
Hold The Quiet
During breakfast one day with a mentor of mine, we began discussing the challenges of living in a post pandemic world. As we explored various elements of this unique time period, the conversation turned to the subject of centering. “I think the key,” he explained, “is to hold the quiet.” I paused, got out a piece of paper, and wrote the phrase down, realizing that we had unlocked a critical step to my greater understanding of what is centering, and how to listen to the inner voice.
From my perspective, centering is the first step we take as we enter into listening. It begins with a personal choice to be 100% present to the moment, rather than reacting to the past or a possible future. It is a silent, deeply personal and internal process of becoming quiet and still. It is where we feel our way into being present, rather than thinking our way into being present. It happens when we consciously choose to clear away the detritus of our daily lives, and turn our attention to our inner dialogue. And as we do this, we listen to the voice within. It is a on-going process that gives meaning to our lives.
As we dove deeply into the phrase holding the quiet, we recognized that it is not the absence of noise as much as the creation of stillness. Furthermore, it is the process of removing internal clutter and distractions in order to listen better and understand more holistically what is happening within and around us.
Holding the quiet is a powerful choice and an important discipline to consistently pursue over time. It requires us to center ourselves and listen to the inner dialogue. It also requires us to be present to the moment and to the people around us. It is based on an understanding that by listening to the inner voice we have access to a transformational system that has the potential to change ourselves and to change the world around us. As a result, when we practice centering on a regular basis, we are taking the first step to building a meaningful life.
We Are Constantly Evolving
When we choose to hold the quiet through centering, and recognize that it an effective way to listen to our inner voice, we also must remember that our best self is constantly evolving. Our choice to listen is not to maintain status quo, but instead to support and facilitate our on-going evolution toward a better self.
I believe one element of listening to our inner voice is to better understand the inner dialogue that is taking place. This choice is an act of self-inquiry with the hope that we can attain a better level of self-understanding. However, the result of this choice of self-inquiry and understanding is to have a greater level of self-compassion. We are all doing the best we can with the information and understanding that we have accumulated so far in our life journey. Thus, the outer expression of our inner work is greater self expression.
When I reflect on this pathway from inner listening to outer action, I am reminded of the writing by John Kotter in his book, The Heart of Change: Real-Life Stories of How People Change Their Organizations (Harvard Business School Press, 2002). As he explains, “The flow of see-feel-change is more powerful than that of analysis-think-change.” From my experience, I believe that the pathway of see-feel-change may be best applicable at the organizational level, but at the personal level, I believe the pattern is center-listen-feel-change. I think this is a more honest and realistic pattern as long as we understand that what we hear and feel today may not be what we hear and feel tomorrow. As I mentioned earlier, we are constantly evolving and as such so is our inner voice.
To be continued on Tuesday.
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