Ask Better Questions
When it comes to the actual moment for coaching, I am often reminded of something that Kevin Cashman wrote in his book, Awakening the Leader Within: A Story of Transformation (John Wiley & Sons, Inc. 2003). As he noted, “Recognize that stories are the language of leadership and questions are the language of coaching.” I think most people grasp this point, but don’t know how to translate it into actual coaching.
Over the course of my career, I have been invited into many companies by the CEO to coach their direct reports. Often, these leaders want to sit in on the first session. Time and time again, when this has happened and we are debriefing at the end of the day, the CEO will say to me, “All you did is ask questions. I rarely do that. Instead, I focus on fixing their problems. How do you come up with the questions?”
My response often surprises many leaders. First, I tell them that I am genuinely curious and that I know how to be “uncharacteristically quiet.” Hal Gregersen in his article, “Bursting the CEO Bubble: Why Executives Should Talk Less and Ask More Questions” in the March - April 2017 issue of the Harvard Business Review, writes “.. to increase your chances of encountering novel ideas and information and discerning weak signals: be quiet.” He notes that this is not normal leader behavior. Normally we are in send mode, broadcasting information in all directions. We want to answer the question rather than ask the question. We want to inspire people rather than be inspired by people. We even want to explain things to people rather than listen to explanations. Therefore, being quiet as a leader is to switch into receiving mode. Gregersen explains that we need to “Ask questions. Don’t tell,” and to use “the power of the pause” by learning not to fill the space with comments.
Second, I ask questions during coaching so I can understand more about what the person is thinking. And I do this, because I recognize that there is always more to the story or situation we are discussing than what is initially presented. Furthermore, the more complete answer to my questions often illuminates a problem, be it a knowledge deficit or a connection deficit.
Third, I am very aware that asking questions only works well if we have two things in place. First, we need to have a relationship built on trust. And in this area, I need to role model being trust worthy. Second, there needs to be an understanding of why coaching is taking place, i.e. purpose, and there needs to be a foundation of common language. When both elements are in place, then the questions are not framed as judgement or attack, but instead as a place where we can share in order that I can help them get better in their professional work.
In the end, asking questions is important. However, one must be genuinely interested in the person and the answer for the coaching process to be successful. I remember one time working with a client where coaching was not going well. I asked the client if they were using a coaching framework as part of the process. She opened her desk drawer and showed me a piece of paper with a list of questions. “I am suppose to ask these questions in this particular order during each coaching session and to keep a record of their responses.”
“Interesting,” I responded. “Where did the questions come from?”
“From the national office, HR in particular.”
“Why do you think they want you to ask these questions?” I inquired.
“I have no idea,” she replied. “I wish I did know. Then, I could adapt the questions to the desired outcome. But now, I just have the questions.”
“And that is the problem,” I pointed. “You have the what and the how, but not the why. The questions are pretty good, but just asking questions is not the goal. The goal is help people to get better at their jobs. Academically, coaching is defined as ‘a structured dialogue and development process to improve the professional competence.’ The difficulty here is that you don’t know why the questions are the right questions and you don’t have a picture in your mind of what ‘professional competence’ looks like. So, what questions do you want to ask?”
What followed was an in-depth discussion of professional competence at the strategic and operational levels. What also followed was a productive discussion about the connection between the picture she had in mind of competence and the suggested questions from the national office. Over time, this level of clarity resulted in effective coaching and an increase in the quality outcomes.
Asking questions is important. But having clarity of purpose about why we need to ask questions during coaching, plus choosing to be curious, respectfully quiet, and creating a safe and trusting coaching environment made a major difference in the generation of short and long term success.
To be continued on Thursday.
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