Ten Ways To Be A Better Coach - Part # 10

Be Clear About What Matters Most

In the end, coaching people is all about making choices. We need to actively engage in coaching, but also in supervision and regular check-ins. We need to understand that during coaching there are moments when we need to teach people new skills or provide them with new information. Other times, we need to focus on helping them change their mindset about what is happening. 

During coaching, we also need to create common ground plus be very mindful of how we are role modeling integrity and respect. We need to build on people’s strengths more than correct their weaknesses. Next, we need to find someone to coach us so we can get better at what we do, plus spend time doing our own homework. 

Finally, we need to remember something that we tend to forget in our rush to coach people. As Jungian psychoanalyst, James Hollis, Ph.D wrote, “No matter how well intended we begin, sooner or later we all spend good portions of this journey stumbling through savannas of suffering, where in we nonetheless find tasks that, when addressed - even in those dismal, diminishing circumstances - enlarge us. Going through suffering, rather than denying or anesthetizing it, knowing that if we hang in there, it will bring us choices that can either enlarge us or diminish us, and that when we are least in control, we still retain the freedom of choosing what matters to us.” 

Suffering during life’s journey is normal and difficult. We can deny this fact or we can hang in there with each other during the difficult times. We will, and we must make choices during these hard times. Some of these choices have the potential to enlarge our perspective on life, and some of the choices could diminish our possibilities. And at these critical junctures, we must be clear about what matters most. 

The role of the coach is to assist people as they navigate life’s journey. It also is to help them not feel abandoned during the process. The word “coach” has it’s roots in an old French word meaning a vehicle to transport people from one place to another place. Through all of the questions, analysis, action planning and follow through that comes with coaching, we, as coaches, can not solve all the problems and challenges before people. But we can be present in the midst of their difficulties and remind them of what matters most. We can help them be their best selves and help them to find and live their best lives. In short, we can share our wisdom, offer our compassion, and be a positive presence. These are the important choices we can make as a coach, and is the pathway to becoming a better coach over time. 

© Geery Howe 2024

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Ten Ways To Be A Better Coach - Part # 9

Ask Better Questions

When it comes to the actual moment for coaching, I am often reminded of something that Kevin Cashman wrote in his book, Awakening the Leader Within: A Story of Transformation (John Wiley & Sons, Inc. 2003). As he noted, “Recognize that stories are the language of leadership and questions are the language of coaching.” I think most people grasp this point, but don’t know how to translate it into actual coaching. 

Over the course of my career, I have been invited into many companies by the CEO to coach their direct reports. Often, these leaders want to sit in on the first session. Time and time again, when this has happened and we are debriefing at the end of the day, the CEO will say to me, “All you did is ask questions. I rarely do that. Instead, I focus on fixing their problems. How do you come up with the questions?”

My response often surprises many leaders. First, I tell them that I am genuinely curious and that I know how to be “uncharacteristically quiet.” Hal Gregersen in his article, “Bursting the CEO Bubble: Why Executives Should Talk Less and Ask More Questions” in the March - April 2017 issue of the Harvard Business Review, writes “.. to increase your chances of encountering novel ideas and information and discerning weak signals: be quiet.” He notes that this is not normal leader behavior. Normally we are in send mode, broadcasting information in all directions. We want to answer the question rather than ask the question. We want to inspire people rather than be inspired by people. We even want to explain things to people rather than listen to explanations. Therefore, being quiet as a leader is to switch into receiving mode. Gregersen explains that we need to “Ask questions. Don’t tell,” and to use “the power of the pause” by learning not to fill the space with comments.

Second, I ask questions during coaching so I can understand more about what the person is thinking. And I do this, because I recognize that there is always more to the story or situation we are discussing than what is initially presented. Furthermore, the more complete answer to my questions often illuminates a problem, be it a knowledge deficit or a connection deficit. 

Third, I am very aware that asking questions only works well if we have two things in place. First, we need to have a relationship built on trust. And in this area, I need to role model being trust worthy. Second, there needs to be an understanding of why coaching is taking place, i.e. purpose, and there needs to be a foundation of common language.  When both elements are in place, then the questions are not framed as judgement or attack, but instead as a place where we can share in order that I can help them get better in their professional work. 

In the end, asking questions is important. However, one must be genuinely interested in the person and the answer for the coaching process to be successful. I remember one time working with a client where coaching was not going well. I asked the client if they were using a coaching framework as part of the process. She opened her desk drawer and showed me a piece of paper with a list of questions. “I am suppose to ask these questions in this particular order during each coaching session and to keep a record of their responses.”

“Interesting,” I responded. “Where did the questions come from?”

“From the national office, HR in particular.”

“Why do you think they want you to ask these questions?” I inquired. 

“I have no idea,” she replied. “I wish I did know. Then, I could adapt the questions to the desired outcome. But now, I just have the questions.”

“And that is the problem,” I pointed. “You have the what and the how, but not the why. The questions are pretty good, but just asking questions is not the goal. The goal is help people to get better at their jobs. Academically, coaching is defined as ‘a structured dialogue and development process to improve the professional competence.’ The difficulty here is that you don’t know why the questions are the right questions and you don’t have a picture in your mind of what ‘professional competence’ looks like. So, what questions do you want to ask?”

What followed was an in-depth discussion of professional competence at the strategic and operational levels. What also followed was a productive discussion about the connection between the picture she had in mind of competence and the suggested questions from the national office. Over time, this level of clarity resulted in effective coaching and an increase in the quality outcomes. 

Asking questions is important. But having clarity of purpose about why we need to ask questions during coaching, plus choosing to be curious, respectfully quiet, and creating a safe and trusting coaching environment made a major difference in the generation of short and long term success.

To be continued on Thursday. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Ten Ways To Be A Better Coach - Part # 8

Do Your Homework

Along with getting regular coaching, exceptional coaches do something else. They study the classics and the new research in their area of expertise. They focus on improving themselves and their understanding of the industry. I like to think of this as doing their own homework. 

One element of this in-depth work is that they have a beginners mindset. They know enough to know that they do not fully understand what it is happening. Therefore, they are committed to life-long learning, no matter their skill set or expertise.

I remember once working with a very experienced and highly competent CEO who was dedicated to their company and the work of their industry. One day, he stopped by to visit with people during a session of the company’s annual leadership institute that I was teaching. As the group and I discussed the normal stages of organizational change and the challenging role of leadership during these different stages, he sat back in his chair and listened carefully and thoughtfully. While he could have facilitated this discussion and more likely have given my lecture, his sole goal during this session was to see the company through the eyes of these high potential students. In particular, he wanted to know what they knew more than what he thought. 

Later that afternoon, after class had been dismissed, the two of us sat in his office and discussed what people had shared. He was fascinated by the difference in generational perspectives around the table, and in particular, the role the internet played in their learning and communication. While he was a man of books and magazine articles, he realized that his youngest, high potential people focused on blogs and podcasts more than traditional resources like books, magazines, and newspapers. With this new perspective in mind, he began a process of reading more blogs and listening to more podcasts, all recommended to him by younger people.

For me, this choice reflects his commitment to think better strategically and operationally, and to be open to learning from multiple sources. He was doing his homework and continuing to deepen and broaden his understanding of himself, his work, and the world around him. And as a result, he was a better coach with people of all ages. 

To be continued on Wednesday. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Ten Ways To Be A Better Coach - Part # 7

Find Your Own Coach

During certain periods of my career, I spent a lot of time on planes, traveling for work. As a result, I listened to a lot of safety messages just before the flight took off. And the one line that always got me thinking was “please put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.” Basic and yet profound when one grasps the magnitude of it’s implication. In simple terms, it means do your own work before you help people with their work. 

For people who coach people, this means that each of us needs to get routine coaching in order to be an effective coach. As a counselor told me once, “Never go to a counselor who does have a counselor. Everyone has stuff they need to work on.” The realization that we need coaching in order to be a better coach is based on the fact that all of us have areas that need improvement. 

The challenge is that some people get coaching for a short period of time and come to the conclusion that they are “all better” and don’t need any more help. In essence, they have framed coaching as a way to fix something rather than a way to improve themselves. For them, they approach being coached with a “one and done” mentality. 

But exceptional coaches know they need to continually get better, personally and professionally. They engage with their coaches even when things are going right, because they recognize that the goal of coaching is to learn and be open to thinking differently about oneself and the work they are doing. Over time, a coach who is routinely coached discovers a restorative niche where they can gain or regain perspective. And that makes them a better coach in the long haul. 

To be continued Tuesday. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Ten Ways To Be A Better Coach - Part # 6

Build On Strengths

One of the things that very good coaches understand is best summarized by Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman in their book, First, Break All The Rules: What The World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently (Simon & Schuster, 1999). As they wrote, “each individual is true to his or her own unique nature …. great managers capitalize on this and try to help each person become more and more of who they already are.” As they continue to explain, “People don’t change that much. Don’t waste time trying to put in what was left out. Try to draw out what was left in. That is hard enough.”

During a successful coaching session, this understanding gets translated into action when the coach builds on a person’s “unique nature,” i.e. their strengths. This takes great focus and effort by a coach, because most people have been trained to figure out what is wrong with a person and to try and fix it. This results in a “trying to put in what was left out” mentality to coaching, which rarely, if ever, works.

However, a strengths based perspective to coaching and leadership is harder because of two reasons. First, most people don’t know their own strengths, let alone can articulate them. Second, most coaches can not figure out these strengths in a single coaching session. Instead, it takes time and attention, because we have to collectively learn our way to an understanding of our strengths through dialogue and reflection. 

The first step in this collective journey is that the coach needs to create a safe and respectful coaching environment, i.e. common ground, from which someone can share openly and fully about their challenges and their questions. The person who is being coached has to let the coach in to their inner process in order for the coach to assist them in their inner and outer challenges. When we feel safe and respected, we are willing to learn, grow, and create in new and better ways. 

So, when seeking to be a better coach, we need to realize that in order to build on strengths, we first have to create a safe and respectful coaching environment. The former only happens when the later has been achieved. And this is one of the elements to great coaching that most coaches never discuss with others. They just do it because it works. Still, in order to build on strengths, we must be safe and respectful people and we must create safe and respectful coaching sessions. 

To be continued next Monday. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Ten Ways To Be A Better Coach - Part # 5

Focus On Your Role Modeling

General Douglas McArthur once wrote, “A true leader has the confidence to stand alone, the courage to make tough decisions, and the compassion to listen to the needs of others. He does not set out to be a leader, but becomes one by the equality of his actions and the integrity of his intent.” I would say the exact same thing about an exceptional coach. The equality of their actions and the integrity of their intent are essential to their success. Yet, those who struggle in their coaching do not understand that it is how they role model their leadership, not just their problem solving that makes the greatest difference. 

When a group of people are trying to get something done, three normal problems surface. First, a leader will often encounter social loafing in a group, where some individuals tend to sit back and let the others do the work. Second, they may encounter production blocking where only one person can talk while the other group members are forced to sit passively and wait. Third, they may encounter evolution apprehension where the fear of looking stupid in front of one’s peers prevents any action to be taken. How we deal with these problems as a leader sets a tone in the organization and impacts coaching. In essence, how we treat others before the coaching starts impacts the coaching more than how we treat people when we coach them. It is the former, i.e. our integrity and our choices to respect people, that impacts the later, i.e. our ability coach people. In short, our role modeling of respect before, during and afterwards is more impactful than the content of our coaching. 

Integrity and respect are the foundation of leadership. Role modeling these choices takes courage and compassion. They generate trust and the capacity for people to work together as a team focused on collective results rather than just individual outcomes. Role modeling is a conscious choice to live the message rather than to just give a message. 

To be continued on Wednesday. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Ten Ways To Be A Better Coach - Part # 4

Create Common Ground

Currently within the workplace and generally in life, there is a lot of FUD taking place, namely fear, uncertainty, and doubt about what is going to happen next. While some companies are laying people off due to a decreased demand for their products and services, others can not find enough of the right people to hire in order to meet current and upcoming demands within the market place. And as a result, employees at all levels are struggling to figure out what to do. 

As supervisors and coaches, we can help people by building common ground through effective listening and sharing. The outcome of this choice is that we create trust at the relationship level, trust at the team level, and even trust at the organizational level. However, in the beginning, it means we have to talk less and listen more. 

For many, this seems like a simple choice. They will argue that they do listen quite well. But the best leaders, who are also very good at coaching, will point out that the challenge with listening is being present more than just being quiet and receiving sound waves through their ears. For they understand that we live in a distracted and noisy society. Our phones, our computers, and our iPads rule our lives and our attention even when we are coaching others. And in the midst of all of this noise, there are good people seeking answers to complex questions.

So, the way these excellent coaches start their coaching is by being authentic, approachable, and compassionate. This is the foundation upon which they build a common ground. Now, being authentic may not seem difficult, but it is. From my observations, many leaders try to “do” authenticity, not “be” authentic. These individuals  believe it is all about the way they talk or listen. But the best leaders and coaches do not try to be something other than who they truly are. 

Furthermore, these excellent coaches are genuinely interested in people. Their authenticity is based on being respectful, grounded, and kind. Their authenticity as a coach is also based on their being approachable. People feel comfortable with them and comfortable with sharing, because they recognize that their coach is compassionate. The coach understands that people are doing the best they can with what they have. Furthermore, the coach understands that people want to do a good job and want to make a difference in their work. Therefore, these excellent coaches show real empathy, sympathy, and concern for others.

These same coaches build common ground by listening holistically, synthesizing continually, and reflecting deeply. They do not assume they are “right” and the other person is “wrong.” Instead, they are willing to suspend their line of thought in order to understand another person’s point of view. 

But in the beginning, this all starts by being present rather than being quiet, and by respecting that each of us may be thinking out loud during a coaching session. We also recognize that each of us may be seeking the right words to explain what we are thinking and feeling. Therefore, the best coaches focus on the flow of the conversation, and they continually focus on building common ground that is safe, respectful, and trustworthy. And the outcome of this choice is the building of individual and collective capacity within the company. 

To be continued on Tuesday. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Ten Ways To Be A Better Coach - Part # 3

Recognize Deficits And Correct Them

Building on these two different forms of coaching, we need to help those who participate in coaching to understanding that coaching is a structured dialogue, often covering such topics as mission and core values, strategy, operational choices, and relationships. It involves questions, analysis, action planning, and follow through. It is something that  happens with people, not to people. In short, we as coaches may not always be able to solve all the problems that surface during a coaching session, but we can explore the pros and cons of various choices. 

As we do this work, we, as coaches, need to understand the difference between a knowledge deficit and a connection deficit. Both are present during every coaching session and both are impacting performance. 

Using a medical example, a connection deficit happens when a doctor can see all the symptoms, and to a degree can describe the problem. However, they are not able to connect the problem to the knowledge they already have received in medical school about how to solve the problem. This happens in part because they are siloing up the knowledge and separating it from the problem and the symptoms. Therefore, there is a connection deficit.

For example, a patient comes into the clinic in a northern city suffering from high fever, headache, vomiting, joint pain and a skin rash. The young doctor notes all the symptoms, but can not diagnose the cause. The person coaching the doctor asks them if the patient has traveled in the southern hemisphere recently. The doctor says “yes.” The coach then explains that the patient is suffering from dengue fever, a mosquito-borne disease that is common in tropical and subtropical areas. The young doctor missed the connection, but now can proceed with an effective treatment plan. 

On the other hand, a knowledge deficit happens when a doctor is missing critical knowledge. Thus, they are unable to solve the problem. Referencing the previous example, the actual problem is that the young doctor never had any classes on tropical and subtropical diseases in medical school. Therefore, the missing piece is not the connection between the symptoms and the cause. The missing piece is the actual core knowledge about this particular disease. 

Coaching people routinely involves the discovery of knowledge deficits and connection deficits. And the role of the coach is to help people to overcome these normal challenges. It is not to judge them because they have these challenges. Instead, the role of the coach is to support them so that they can gain the knowledge and make the connections, and thus become more competent and effective as an employee over time. 

To be continued next Monday. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Ten Ways To Be A Better Coach - Part #2

Understand That There Are Two Kinds of Coaching

Once we grasp the differences and the importance of the core three actives, we now need to turn our attention to coaching. First, there are two kinds of coaching, namely transactive coaching and transformational coaching. Transactive coaching is focused on the transferring of competencies, skills, and/or techniques from the coach to the person who is being coached. Transformational coaching, on the other hand, focuses on shifting an individual's perspective on a problem or issue. When done by an experienced coach, the shift between these two forms of coaching is seamless and effective. However, for those who want to improve their coaching, this level of work takes tremendous thought, concentration, and very attentive listening to what is and what is not being shared by the person who is receiving the coaching. 

For example, I recently coached a department leader who was struggling with three problems at the exact same time. First, their team was not functioning well as a team. Second, systems based changes were not being implemented successfully. Third, her one on one sessions were mostly dumping sessions with her, as the supervisor, solving everyone’s problems. 

In the beginning of our time together, we needed to define the difference between teams and single leader work groups. She was calling her team a “team” but in reality she was leading them like a single leader work group. (See the difference between the two in the following article: “Firing Up the Front Line” by Jon R. Katsenbach and Jason A. Santamaria in the May-June 1999 issue of the Harvard Business Review). Once I explained the difference, she completely understood the problem and how she needed to change her leadership style to create a real team, rather than just a team in name only. It was a transactive coaching moment. I knew something she did not know and once she did know this information, successful change could start to take place. 

Next, we talked about systems based changes that were not taking place in her department. Through dialogue, it became clear that she was focused on what needed to happen by when. Her people on the other hand did not understand the why behind the changes. She, on the other hand, knew the why but had not communicated it clearly to her team. Thus, there was no ownership and understanding to commit to the heavy lifting of changing core systems within the department. Once she grasped this problem, she decided to spend more time on the why and to build ownership around the changes that needed to take place. It was a moment of transformational coaching, i.e. she needed to look at the problem from the perspective of the employees rather just her perspective as the supervisor. 

Finally, we talked about her one on one coaching sessions. What became clear over time is that she was using these one on one sessions to do supervision, coaching and a check-in with the result being that not one of the core three activities were being done well or effectively. Here, I needed to teach her the difference between the three core activities and to explain their role in leadership, i.e. a transactive coaching moment. Next, I pointed out that by solving all their problems for them, she was not building capacity, but instead dependency. She also was perpetuating a single leader work group perspective rather than a team perspective, i.e. a transformational coaching moment. It was a combination of the two forms of coaching that resulted in sustainable changes over time. When a coach can do both forms of coaching in a conscious and attentive manner, they create the foundation for better coaching and better performance.

To be continued on Wednesday. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Ten Ways To Be A Better Coach - Part #1

Introduction

This past summer, during multiple coaching sessions with different people from various industries, I was asked the same question over and over: “How do we help our people become better coaches?” Most people were looking for a simple solution that would result in better coaching, and create transformational results. While I wish a simple quick fix was possible, I do not believe there is a magic wand, a crystal ball, or a secret sauce that can generate the desired outcome. 

Instead, I have a more in-depth perspective that can help people become better coaches over time. The critical thing is that people have to do the work, and be persistent in the midst of the work. They also have to be willing and ready to commit to the work. And with time, lots of grace, and a healthy dose of humility, they can become a better coach. But, again, the first step is to learn and understand this in-depth perspective, and then to practice using it over and over in a variety of situations.  

Differentiate Between The Three Core Activities

In the beginning, we need to differentiate between supervision, coaching, and check-ins. Most people, who struggle in their coaching, believe that coaching is supervision and that checking in with someone is coaching. And this confusion is the root of so many problems.

First, supervision is the ability to observe, direct, and/or oversee the execution of a task, project, or activity in order to achieve a successful outcome. This level of work can include the organizing and/or prioritizing of work, supporting, participating or collaborating with others, and the delegation of work and the validation and appreciation of work well done. It also is critical that both the supervisor and the employee know and agree about what is a successful outcome. Often, this is the root of many supervision problems. 

Second, coaching, on the other hand, is a structured dialogue and development process to improve the professional competence of an individual in order that they can execute the aforementioned task, project, or activity in order to achieve a successful outcome. Coaching also helps an individual as they participate in team activities, and as they collaborate with others at the department or division level work. The critical element to coaching is that the dialogue and development process is organized in such a manner as to improve confidence, clarity, and competency to achieve the expectations that are placed on them as an employee. 

Third, I like Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall’s definition of a check-in as defined in their book, Nine Lies About Work: A Freethinking Leader’s Guide to the Real World (Harvard Business Review Press, 2019). As they write, a check-in is “a frequent, one to one conversation about near-term future work between a team leader and a team member.” This work is based on “two simple questions: What are your priorities this week? How can I help?” 

From my perspective, the success of these check-ins is based on a clear understanding of what an individual’s goals and priorities are at any given time period. When this is not present, it tells me that the person in a supervisory, management, or leadership position is not clear about the difference between supervision, coaching, and check-ins. And that they are not engaging with their direct reports in a productive and helpful manner. 

In short, we need all three of these core activities to be done well in order for an improvement in coaching to take place. While coaching is important, it is not the only element to successful leadership, and performance improvement. 

To be continued on Tuesday. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change