Introduction
So many people define the practice of leadership as a one and done activity. They do their leadership thing, be that clarifying a strategic direction, coaching an individual, collaborating with others, or delegating a series of goals and priorities, and then they think they are done. But in reality, leadership is meant to be repeated over and over again, all day and every day. Furthermore, many believe we are supposed to do it right the first time. In reality, we supposed to do it better each day, each month, and each year. The mastery of leadership comes in the repetition and the sheer ordinariness of practicing it again and again in so many different situations and moments.
At the same time, for some people, the practice of leadership is the application of an idea, belief, or method. For others, it is the act of doing something regularly or repeatedly in order to improve how one does it. In reality, the practice of leadership is both. Still, the best leaders grasp one fundamental truth, namely that the practice of leadership is cognitive, emotional, and behavioral. It involves critical choices, continual improvement, and the creation of inner alignment. In short, it is that simple and that complex, all at the same time.
Leadership & Feelings
When I share with young and old leaders, who are challenged by their current circumstances, that leadership is cognitive, they all nod and agree with me that the best leaders know how to think strategically and operationally. The best leaders also ask great questions. And I agree with them.
But when I tell young and old leaders, who are challenged by their current circumstances, that leadership is emotional, most look at me perplexed. Many have told me that feelings do not have a place in the world of leadership. For these people, logic reigns supreme, and feelings are best left at home.
I respond by pointing out that the best leaders, who supervised them and coached them in the past, sought to understand their feelings, not just their thinking, and that they were capable of this because they knew their own feelings and thoughts. Emotional intelligence is just as important as cognitive intelligence in the world of leadership. Read all the research by Daniel Goleman and one will discover a whole new perspective.
As we lead, we need to recognize that feelings and emotions come in clusters. The common question “How are you?” is a loaded question. For example, I can reply “good” and at the exact same time feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and stressed. I am still good on one level, but at a deeper level I may be struggling. Same goes for “sad.” I am capable of feeling sad, angry, and grieving, all at the same time. Therefore, leaders need to recognize this, and remember that life is way more complex and complicated for a single word answer from such a loaded question.
So, beginning today, I believe we need to ask a more specific questions such as “How are you doing at work today?” Or ask an individual “How are you doing as a team leader this morning?” The more specific the question, the better the answer we will receive. And the better we will understand the emotions that may be impacting the challenging circumstances before us as a leader and before our team.
Leadership & Choices
Recently, I was reading the work of the late cultural anthropologist, Angeles Arrien, Ph.D. when I came across the following passage: “… the Western mind often believes that the word “yes” means “I like you and agree with you,” and the word “no” means “I’m rejecting you or disagreeing with you.” Many people in the non-Western world, however, don’t overlay these words with emotional intent. They recognize that “yes” acknowledges a viewpoint or perspective and does not necessarily mean agreement; and that “no” simply honors a limit and a boundary and indicates the ability to respect what one is willing to do or not do at this point in time.”
The minute I read this paragraph I realized that the aforementioned Western perspective of “yes” and “no” is happening right now at all levels within multiple organizations. Furthermore, in our current, highly polarized and balkanized society, more and more people only want to hear “yes,” all day and every day. They also consider a “no” to be more than a rejection of self. They consider a “no” to be a rejection of what they believe in, and with whom and where they choose to live. For these individuals, the word “no” unites them to fight against everything and anything.
Still, leaders at all levels do need to make choices and decisions that include the words “yes” and “no”. Given current events, I am advising more and more leaders to share this paragraph and perspective with their teams, and to unpack Arrien’s insight so that we can lower the default response to the words “yes” or “no.” I also want us to lower the emotional intensity that is surfacing around these words and current choices leaders need to make.
To be continued on Tuesday.
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