Routinely now, I meet with people who are worn to the core by uncertainty and feel anxious about what to do next. They are also worried about the future, and feel very vulnerable about what may happen during the coming 12 - 18 months. As a result, they want answers, but just keep coming up with more questions.
When I listen to these good people struggle, I am reminded of something that Ron Heifetz and Marty Linsky shared in their book, Leadership On The Line: Staying Alive through the Dangers of Leading (Harvard Business School Press, 2002). As they point out, “to lead is to live dangerously because when leadership counts, when you lead people through difficult change, you challenge what they hold dear…”. They also note that “people do not resist change, per se. People resist loss.” And for many leaders and followers, it is the losses that they are worried about and that they are experiencing. Dealing with grief and grieving all seem to be a part of the work of leadership at this time period.
In response to these challenge, Heifetz and Linsky recommend that they we anchor ourselves in the midst of these difficulties by following three practices. First, we need to “distinguish role from self,” and remember that only “you have control over your self-worth.” As part of that work, we also need to “remember, when you lead, people don't love you or hate you. Mostly they don't even know you. They love or hate the position you represent.” This is an important point that we often forget.
Second, they recommend we “keep confidants, and don't confuse them with allies.” Each play an important part in the work of leadership. Each requires us to build a relationship, and to then maintain those relationships. As a wise elder said to me many years, “make friends before you need them.” Same goes with confidants and allies.
Third, they recommend we “seek sanctuary…. a place of reflection and renewal where you can listen to yourself away from the dance floor and the blare of the music.” For me, this is one of the most powerful choices a leader can make and the one that most people do not make time for in the course of their busy lives.
In its original definition, sanctuary was a sacred space where people went for refuge, protection, and safety. At it’s core, the idea of sanctuary was a place set apart from the day to day, ordinary world. Sometimes these were natural locations where the divine or sacred was believed to be present. Other times, it was a physical location where hospitality was offered and all were welcome. In essence, it was a place of sacred renewal and a time or place where we discovered or rediscovered “the hidden wholeness” of life, referencing the work of the late Trappist monk and author, Thomas Merton.
When I reflect on this idea of finding sanctuary, I am reminded of the writings of Wayne Muller in his book, Sabbath: Restoring the Sacred Rhythm of Rest (Bantam Books, 1999). As he points out, “Sabbath time can become our refuge. During the Sabbath, we set aside a sanctuary in time, disconnect from the frenzy of consumption and accomplishment, and consecrate our day as an offering for healing all beings.” He expands on this perspective and writes, “Sabbath is more than the absence of work; it is not just a day off, when we catch up on television or errands. It is the presence of something that arises when we consecrate a period of time to listen to what is most deeply beautiful, nourishing, or true. It is time consecrated with our attention, our mindfulness, honoring those quiet forces of grace or spirit that sustain and heal us.”
I believe that the convergence of the idea of finding sanctuary and setting aside time for the Sabbath is critical to coping with the current prolonged uncertainty and turbulence that leaders are experiencing at this time period. We need refuge, and we need renewal in order to maintain perspective and to create the capacity for the “quiet forces” of grace and spirit to sustain us and heal us in the midst of these adaptive challenges.
Furthermore, I am reminded of something the poet Mark Nepo wrote: “If not now, when?” I believe this is the fundamental question that many leaders are not willing to address. Their “now” is filled up with too many meetings, deadlines, e-mail, and project management situations, all of which result in the feeling of being overwhelmed and running on empty. In essence, their “now” is consumed by the expectations of others and the unrealistic performance expectations they place on themselves.
And the idea of “when” is so far in the future that we never really get to it, or make the time and space for it. We are living the Red Queen Principle all day and every day, i.e. we run faster and faster just to stay in the same place. With the increased pressure to adapt faster and faster in order to survive the day, the idea of finding sanctuary or making time for the Sabbath can seem wildly absurd, or just plain crazy. Most leaders can not connect these two choices with the overwhelming pressure to continually do more work and get more done.
However, this is the fundamental leadership choice of this time period. Continual evolution and adaptation is the pathway to avoiding extinction, but as with any adaptive challenge, we must recognize that adaptation and evolution begins by calling into question fundamental assumptions and beliefs. Furthermore, it can only be addressed through changes in one’s priorities, beliefs, and habits. To keep pushing harder and faster in order to get more things done does not work when the goal is adaptation and further evolution. This way of working is the clear definition of insanity, namely doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different outcome or result.
Yet, if we choose to find sanctuary on a regular basis, and give ourselves permission to make time for the Sabbath, then we have the potential to reflect on our current fundamental assumptions about work and leadership. We have the time, the space, and the energy to rethink our priorities, beliefs and habits. In essence, we create the potential to engage in new perspectives and new ways of thinking.
When we choose “now” over “when,” we create something that is powerful and meaningful on so many levels. As Wayne Muller reminds us, “So let us remember the Sabbath. Let us breathe deeply in the rhythms of life, of the earth, of action and rest. Traditionally, Sabbath is honored by lighting candles, gathering in worship and prayer, blessing children, singing songs, keeping silence, walking, reading scripture, sharing a meal. Just as we must wait until darkness falls before we can see the stars, so does Sabbath quietly wait for us. As darkness falls, as the light of the world fades and disappears, we light the inner lights, the lights of home and refuge. Our steps take us home, and the light draws us in.”
Given the challenges of this time, we as leaders need to go home to the place of refuge where the sacred light can draw us in and rekindle in us healing, hope and clarity. We need time and space for reflection and renewal. We need to see the stars again and not have our lives be solely defined by the falling darkness. So, answer the question: if not now, when? And then light the candles, gather with others, bless the children, sing the songs, share a meal, and remember the quiet forces of grace and spirit that sustain and heal us all.
© Geery Howe 2024
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