Cultivate Silence
The third choice is to cultivate silence. For many people, this means turning off all their electronic devices or, at least, putting them on vibrate mode. Their goal is to reduce the number of electronic inputs in their life. For them, silence is equal to the absence of inputs. However, the vibrating noise from our electronic devices continues, and because we are so easily distracted, we are constantly checking them to make sure we have not missed out on something new, different, or important. The outcome is not silence.
The choice to cultivate silence begins on the inside, not on the outside. It is the choice to quiet the mind and to listen to the heart. It is the choice to clear away the distractions. It is the choice to listen and surrender to the silence, recognizing that the silence is not an end to itself, but instead a means to the end. It is the choice is to listen to the inner voice, and be 100% present to the moment and the opportunities within the moment.
The result of this choice is something remarkable. As Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. explains, “Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us. Not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are. We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment, a strength on which to build a life. Silence is a place of great power and healing. Silence is God’s lap.”
As we share the great power and healing that comes from inner silence, we grasp the following insight by Henri J.M. Nouwen: “In solitude we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared. It’s there we recognize that the healing words we speak are not just our own, but are given to us; that the love we can express is part of a greater love; and that the new life we bring forth is not a property to cling to, but a gift to be received.” By cultivating silence, we discover a holistic solitude, and the opportunity in the silence to focus on the larger arc of our life and to discover the miracles happening all around us.
Make Friends; Build Community
Given the challenges of this time, the fourth choice is to make more friends and to build community. As Albert Schweitzer reminds us, “In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” And this is the power and importance of friends and community. They are the ones who rekindle in us the capacity to move forward. They are the ones who support us when we struggle. They are the ones who hold us when we are feeling overwhelmed and weak to continue building one life rather than settling for fragmentation.
“In these times of greed and externality,” writes the late Irish poet and priest John O’Donohue, “there is such unusual beauty in having friends who practice profound faithfulness to us, praying for us each day without our ever knowing or remembering it. There are often lonesome frontiers we could never endure or cross without the inner sheltering of these friends. It is hard to live a true life that endeavors to be faithful to its own calling and not become haunted by the ghosts of negativity; therefore, it is not a luxury to have such friends; it is necessary.”
Finally, making friends and community are vital to sustaining one life. As Mr Rogers pointed out, “As human beings, our beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has - or every will have - something inside that is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.” For when we do this, we generate the ability to believe in a unified life, to create a unified life, and to maintain it during difficult times. When we grasp that our uniqueness makes a difference in the world, then we comprehend the importance of helping others to find their uniqueness, too. We then realize the importance “to live a true life that endeavors to be faithful to its own calling.”
The Hidden Seed of Wholeness
The desire to live a unified life is the result of realizing that the cost of living a fragmented life is too high and too painful. It is based on the understanding that often winning at work means loosing at home. Furthermore, living at the speed of software and engaging in transitive relationships does not generate purpose or transformative significance. Instead, our lives become an endless reactive cycle of choices. In short, we defend ourselves from life rather than engaging with life.
Still, in the midst of this struggle, we can make fundamental and important choices. As Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D reminds us, “I’ve spent years learning how to fix life, only to discover at the end of the day that life is not broken. There is a hidden seed of greater wholeness in everyone and everything. We serve life best when we water it and befriend it. When we listen before we act.”
The pathway to this hidden seed of wholeness starts when we make four important choices. First, we must choose purpose over comparison. Second, we must choose to live in the now and look for the small and large miracles and blessings that surround us. Third, we must cultivate silence and time for introspection and reflection. Fourth, we must continually make new friends and maintain old friendships because this is the pathway to building community.
In the end, we want to live one life rather than two lives. As the author Louise Penny reminds us, “We love life, not because we are used to living, but because we are used to loving.” With a love for life, we can create a unified life based on a transformational purpose, clarity, and compassion. And when we live from this foundation, we can make a difference in the lives of those we love and in the lives of those who we interact with on a daily basis.
© Geery Howe 2024
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