To me being drained and overwhelmed often happen at the same time. Brene’ Brown, in her book, Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience (Random House, 2021), writes that “We feel stressed when we evaluate environmental demands as beyond our ability to cope successfully. This includes elements of unpredictability, uncontrollability, and feeling overloaded…. Stressful situations cause both physiological (body) and psychological (mind and emotion) reactions.” As she continues, “Overwhelmed means an extreme level of stress, an emotional and/or cognitive intensity to the point of feeling unable to function.” Jon Kabat-Zinn, the American professor emeritus of medicine and the creator of the Stress Reduction Clinic and the Center of Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, describes overwhelmed as the all-too-common feeling “that our lives are somehow unfolding faster than the nervous system and psyche are able to manage well.”
When I transitioned to being retired, I found that my daily schedule had been tossed up in the air and returned to earth in a tumbled pile. When I was working full time, I had a morning pattern and an afternoon pattern that flowed seamlessly and worked quite well. When I retired, it fell apart because many of the things I normally did during each part of the day were either not needed or no longer applicable. I felt lost.
One day, I told my wife, Jane, “I just don’t know how to start my day anymore.” She responded, “You will figure it out. Give it time and be patient.” And so I slowly moved forward, testing and exploring different ways to start my day.
Then, one morning, I decided to do something that seemed to work so well for my wife, Jane. It was one of her morning practices, namely sitting down and doing her “daily readings.”
Now, every morning, I sit in the same chair for 20 - 30 minutes with a pile of books. Some mornings I read a chapter in one book or a couple of pages in another book, all for the purpose of gaining new insights, on-going learning, and deep study into a variety of topics.
This collection of books has evolved over time, but they all have one thing in common. They are written by authors who I deeply respect given their life journeys or expertise. They are inspirational in nature and many are faith based. They are sources of wisdom and perspective.
The outcome of my morning readings and the subsequent reflection that comes from this quality writing is that I find myself less stressed and overwhelmed by life’s on-going challenges. It slows down my feeling that life is unfolding faster than I can handle it. It reduces the cognitive and emotional intensity of my reactions to difficult issues and challenges. But on a deeper level, my morning readings fill me up with hope and a renewed inner clarity about how to move forward.
Overall, life can be difficult and, at times, very draining. We do encounter difficult and complex situations, people, and problems that are frustrating and exhausting. However, we do have a choice of how to respond. We can be triggered by difficulty, but if there is a point each day where we stop, breath, read, and regain alignment and balance, then we can make better choices. As Marshall Goldsmith in his book, Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts - Becoming the Person You Want to Be, (Crown Business, 2015), wrote: “If we do not create and control our environment, our environment creates and controls us. And the result turns us into someone we do not recognize.”
One way I am filling up my cup each new day is to create time and space to do my daily readings. It is an important part of my life right now, and a practice I wish I had started many years. Lucky for me, I have a person in my life who has role modeled this choice for a very long time. Now, it is one small, but important step in my life journey that is making a world of difference.
FYI: To be continued on Thursday.
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