We were deep into a conversation about a major paradigm shift within the company based on their new strategic plan and its profound impact on her department, when she paused and said to me, “I am emotionally and physically drained. There is nothing left in the tank. And if there is anything there, it’s just fumes. So, how do I overcome being drained? What do I need to do given how I feel?”
I paused before responding. This is a challenging and hard place to be. It requires a lot of deep work and reflection to recover from this level of emptiness.
“I’m sorry you are experiencing this,” I responded. “I know this place, personally and professionally. If you want, I can share with you what I have learned from my personal journey and my professional experience of supporting others through similar situations.”
“Please do,” she said. “I don’t know who to talk to about this. Most people don’t get what it is like from a leadership perspective.”
“Okay. First, I have learned that self-care in this kind of situation requires real work and real effort. It is not a fast recovery process. Instead, we need to give ourselves time and space to do the work to rebuild a new foundation for leading, working, and living.”
One of the initial things we discussed that morning were two key points from an article by the late Peter Drucker called “What is Our Business?” in the June 2001 issue of Executive Excellence magazine. As he wrote, “The executive’s time tends to belong to everybody else.” And as a result everybody and anybody can move in on your time and eventually does. Dealing with interruptions is normal to being a leader.
Many people do not think of interruptions as part of their work as a leader, especially during organizational change. They consider interruptions to be outside the scope of their work and thus a source of constant irritation and distraction. However, when we as leaders reframe them as a normal part of our work, we can treat these interruptions and the people who bring them with respect and understanding.
Second, Drucker wrote, “Executives are forced to keeping “operating” unless they take positive action to change the reality in which they live.” As leaders, we can not let the flow of events determine the priorities we hold. Instead, we need to define what is important in spite of the flow of current events. Having clarity about our priorities, personally and professionally, helps us keep things and people in perspective and helps us to make smart, rather than reactive choices.
Next, I shared something from my own personal journey. As one part of this recovery process, I read many books to help me gain new insights and a greater perspective. One of those books was by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz and it was called The Power of Full Engagement (The Free Press, 2003). As they write “When demand exceeds our capacity, we begin to make expedient choices that get us through our days and nights, but it takes a toll over time.” When we are drained and have done everything we can with time management, Loehr and Schwartz explain that “Energy, not time, is the fundamental currency of high performance.” Therefore, we need to manage our energy, not just our time and schedules. In short, we need quality time to work and we need quality time to recover from work. It is the combination of both that will create a new foundation for living and working.
With Drucker’s insight about interruptions and priorities, and Loehr and Schwartz’s insight on energy management, she and I began an on-going conversation that has taken place over many months and over many visits. Being emotionally and physically drained is painful. But with time, support, and new perspectives, we can recover. We can create a healthier way to lead, work, and live.
Create A Holistic Self-Care Plan
One of the first things we need to do when drained is to pause and create a plan. This holistic self-care plan needs to include the following four categories: mind, body, heart which is the union of the social/emotional, and spiritual self-care. Each category is crucial to restoring a sense of balance and rejuvenation when we are drained. Each, on one level, supports and compliments the other.
For most people who are drained, the idea of exercising and eating better is pretty low on their list of priorities. Most people just want to sleep more and then add in a nap or two. Now a good night of sleep is vital to our health, but self-care of the body is more than sleep. It starts with healthy habits which include regular exercise and healthy choices when it comes to food and diet.
For me, one element of my physical restoration is getting outside and walking on a regular basis. It is a powerful choice when I need to recharge. As Kierkegaard noted, “Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness; I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it.”
Along with walking, the Japanese have a concept called “shinrin-yoku”, which is called “forest bathing” or a walk in the woods. This is a form of therapy that uses nature as a treatment for mental and spiritual issues. When we choose to stop rushing around and “bathe” in the natural beauty around us, we can find a deep calm that is uplifting and healing. Overall, if we don’t take care of our physical health, it will impact our capacity to restore the other parts of our life.
When it comes to our mental health, we also need to practice feeding it with positive and healthy thoughts. Ryan Holiday in his book, Stillness Is The Key (Portfolio/Penguin, 2019), writes “The space between your ears - that’s yours. You don’t just have to control what gets in, you also have to control what goes on in there.” As he continues, “… the mind is an important and sacred place…. Keep it clean and clear.” That is why it is an important part of a self-care plan.
Next, our social and emotional health often falls by the wayside when we are drained. And yet, it is vital to our recovery because our friends and family can be a tremendous source of support, perspective, and even joy. When we choose to be in the presence of these people and to share with these people, we tap into a greater depth of healing and understanding.
Finally, somethings in life just don’t make sense. There are questions that surface that have no easy answers or simple solutions. This is where the spiritual category of our self-care plan comes into being. When we bring a higher power into the process, we tap into and can gain greater perspective, understanding, and over time peace. As philosopher Nassim Taleb wrote, “It’s not that we need to believe that God is great, only that God is greater than us.” And when we understand this within the structure of a faith community, we gain allies and confidants who can help us on many different levels.
When we choose to create a self-care plan, and then choose to work our plan, we can be kind to ourself and recognize that rejuvenation is an ongoing process more than just a one time outcome. And we remember that being drained happened because of our past choices, and also because of circumstances over which we had no control. But with a plan in place, we can make healthier choices and move forward.
FYI: to be continued on Tuesday.
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