There were six of us sitting around the table for lunch that beautiful fall day, a combination of middle and upper levels of management. We were gathered to reflect on the success and failures of the organization’s strategy and strategic execution when she blurted out, “I just don’t have the time for strategy or strategic execution related stuff. I can’t even keep up with today’s To Do List, let alone start thinking about the future. Listen, I am swamped and sinking fast.” She paused for a moment to catch her breath, sighed, and continued, “So, where do I begin to change all of this?”
“The executive’s time tends to belong to everybody else”, notes Peter Drucker. It is normal and inevitable that everybody and anybody can move in on your time as an executive, and eventually everyone does. Furthermore, he continues, “Executives are forced to keeping “operating” unless they take positive action to change the reality in which they live.”
During chaotic times, we can let the flow of events determine the priorities we hold, or we can define what is important in spite of the chaos. After years of working with people and organizations through challenging times, I have learned that positive action begins with reflection and personal change. This process is a recommitment to authentic balance and focus.
Now, we have all heard about the importance of priorities. As many authors have written, set clear priorities first and then schedule your work and life activities around them. Yet, currently, I find executives living an overcrowded life. So many people are moving in on their time, and as a result executives keep adapting and adjusting their calendars to meet these needs. Managing diverse expectations of others, executives also keep reshuffling their priorities.
Then one day, things just break down; a meltdown occurs. At this point, some people pull themselves together, and go back to operating at full capacity. Others see their melt down as a wake up call. They pull themselves together and find their way back to their true self. They realize how much they have been compensating and adapting. They realize how much they have lost to gain so little. This wake up call also is accompanied by grief.
The challenge for many of us is to let go of old dysfunctional ways of doing things. Letting go is part of the process to reclaiming balance, clear focus and sound goals. In an overcrowded life, we have adapted to so much that we have often lost a sense of what we really wanted in the first place, a sense of purpose and direction in our life.
The first step to claiming purpose is to redefine the concept of availability. During chaos, everyone and everything is needing our attention and our time. It can be more than overwhelming. While on one level we need to be present with many different people and their different challenges, we, as leaders, need to realize just because they came to us does not mean we need to do something or to assume the responsibility for their problems. Being available as a leader does not mean “I will solve your problem for you.” Instead, we have to help people utilize the different leadership strategies to get through the trough of chaos. We can offer advice and counsel as needed, but we must not get caught in the trap of carrying their load.
Second, we need to redefine stress management. When overwhelmed with so much to do, many executives find stress management activities as just one more thing on the list. The benefit is lost in the time pressure. From my observations the pressure to perform 24/7 at work is literally exhausting us. Joe Robinson in the March 2007 issue of Fast Company magazine wrote that more and more people are suffering from what he coined an “obsessive-complusive productivity” disorder. It is the “I should be doing something all the time” tape that runs in our heads, and it is the “work guilt” we feel when we are not working.
Driven by the belief that our identity as a person is driven and dependent on our productivity, many executives are approaching stress management activities as just a coping skill. The benefits are limited by the time pressure and the obsessive compulsive perception that I must rush back to work in order to be “productive.” While an activity such as exercise may help decrease some of the stress related to work, it also is stressful to just keep up with the expectations to exercise.
Third, we need to practice renewal along with stress management activities. By focusing on restoring balance in our life, we access a whole different level of perspective and energy.
For me, renewal became important quite a number of years ago. I was driving home from a meeting in Decorah, Iowa when I found a spot on my face, directly over the gum line that hurt very badly. The following morning, I went to our local dentist and had some x-rays taken. Once they were developed, a black spot on the x-ray was discovered. I was sent immediately to an endodontist for an emergency root canal. After more x-rays, the endodontist commented that “this should not be there... I don’t think it is cancer but you need to see an oral surgeon as soon as possible.” Being it was a Friday and the local oral surgeons were moving their office, I had to wait an entire weekend deeply afraid because my brother-in-law had died from holes in his bone, a form of cancer called multiple myeloma. It was a personal trough of chaos.
Finally once the weekend of fear had passed, my wife and I went to see the oral surgeon. After more x-rays, he told us there is a short list of good things and long list of not so good things. “I want to know what is going on in there”, he commented and I agreed. So “let’s do something now”, he replied and I went directly into surgery. Later, after a silver dollar sized cyst was removed from above my teeth and palette in my mouth, I paused to catch my breath and figure out what were the lessons learned.
I remember that afternoon lying in bed at home with an ice pack on my face, recovering and thinking how fragile our lives are at any given day of the week. I also remembered how scared I was as I left my wife in the exam room and walked into surgery. Shaking like a leaf in a stiff breeze, I remembered the nurse who was assisting in the surgery covering me up with an extra blanket and leaning into me as we began. She was my pillar of strength and support as I went through the experience.
Two years latter on Memorial Day weekend, I had to go through the same experience one more time. Having discovered swelling in the same place, I returned for surgery. While it was successful, I was again shaken by the experience. But I also kept learning.
When this second episode happened, our oldest son was studying at a university in Mexico and living with a host family, all part of his International Studies major at college. He shared the following with us: “After school one day, my [Mexican host] grandmother and mom were sitting at the kitchen table making food or talking, I don’t remember, but when I walked in, they asked me how school was, as they always do. I told them about [my father’s upcoming] operation and that I was a little worried and missed my family but life would go on. I couldn’t change any thing from here, so there was little point in worrying. They made a few remarks about how they were sorry, and that I should tell my parents that they were thinking about them when I got a chance. Anyway Tuesday and Wednesday slipped by unnoticed, but Thursday morning (the morning of [Dad’s] operation) when I walked down stairs at seven thirty there was nobody there. This was pretty unusual, since normally my [Mexican host] grandmother and mom are up at six making cakes (my mom makes cakes for a living). I looked around for a little while, and then put the kettle on to make coffee. As I was about half way done with a bowl of cereal, the two of them walked in the front door and sat down… Kind of surprised, I asked them where they were coming from. The answer was clear and made in a way that made my question sound stupid. My grandmother looked me in the eye and said, “We were praying for your father of course.” A few moments passed in silence, as I had no way to respond appropriately. My [Mexican host] grandmother fell two years ago and broke her hip, now she has a fake hip and femur. She has not even seen the second floor of her house in the last two years. On Thursday morning, she left the house at about four in the morning and walked for an hour and a half to pray for my father.”
When I read this entry, tears rolled down my face. The unconditional kindness of strangers is an amazing gift. It is deeply healing and rekindles a sense of hope and perspective.
Now, I have taught, studied, and written extensively about stress management for many years. I know how to do it with the best of them, but what I realized that spring afternoon was that I needed to manage my stress less and begin to learn how to rejuvenate and renew myself.
Experiences of a personal trough of chaos beg the question: “If you had to do it all over again, what would you do differently?” Honestly, most of us would say lots and nothing. Norm Brodsky in an article called "Street Smart" from the August '03 issue of Inc. magazine wrote: “Listen..... let's forget about business. Business is just a means to an end. The question is, what's the end? Where do you want to be in five years from a family standpoint? What do you want to earn? How much time do you want to take off?”
The real question for me now is “How do I want to live from this day forward?” Having lived through this personal trough of chaos twice, I now clarify my priorities, not on a moment to moment basis, but from a larger more holistic perspective, grounded in a clear sense of purpose and direction.
Where do I begin each day? The same place you begin. First, show kindness and compassion to all. Second, live fully into each and every moment as if this were your last day. Third, reclaim purpose in my life. Personal health, clarity, and purpose are profound gifts. They make a tremendous difference when working through the trough of chaos.
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