As parents and grandparents, we wish one thing for our children and grandchildren, namely wings and roots. As they get older, we mostly focus on theirs wings, wanting them to fly well as they go out into the world. We want them to do well, and to make a difference. We want them to engage with others and to continue to grow into their best selves.
What we don’t talk about much with our children and grandchildren are their roots. And I think this is a mistake. When we say “wings and roots,” the roots are as important as the wings. They are the inner process of growth and maturity. They are the foundation from which flight takes place.
When our sons went off to college, I gave each of them the following advice: “Remember who you are, and where you came from.” This had been shared with me by another father. I thought it was a powerful statement for this important life transition.
When it comes to flying, I am not worried about our children and grandchildren. There is so much support and encouragement for them to do this. What worries me is that they will forget their roots. And in the process, they will forget who they are. The danger is that they will try to meet everyone else’s definition of who they should be. Their inner clarity will be replaced by others’ unhealthy outer expectations and definitions.
Furthermore, I worry that they will forget where they came from. The focus here is not on the physical location of their home, their community, or their state. Instead, the focus is on remembering something that Linda Hogan (Chickasaw) wrote: “You are the result of the love of thousands.” The author reminds us that where we standing and where we come from happened because of the commitment of so many people.
In our rush to help others fly, we forget that we drink water from wells we did not dig. We warm ourselves by fires that we did not light. We sit in the shade of trees we did not plant. So much love, effort, and commitment is reflected in our existence. Our generational roots can support us each and every day.
And it is by drawing on our roots, the generational place from where we came from, that we come to realize that our inner light, our inner spark, our inner clarity is connected to all who have come before us, and to the Divine at all times and in all places. As Father Richard Rohr reminds us, “We cannot attain the presence of God because we’re already totally in the presence of God. What’s absent is awareness. Little do we realize that God is maintaining us in existence with every breath we take. As we take another, it means that God is choosing us now and now and now. We have nothing to attain or even learn. We do, however, need to unlearn some things.”
The convergence of our learning, unlearning and relearning takes place when we remember our roots. And this happens best when we tell our current stories and listen to the stories told by our elders. It is the combination of our individual stories, and our collective stories that creates perspective and understanding. As Father Richard Rohr writes: “Why does a story have such power? Because most of us don’t think abstractly. We live in a world of images and and symbols; that’s what moves us. . . . Each of us is a story. We were created by God as a story waiting to be told, and each of us has to find a way to tell our story. In the telling of it we come to recognize and own ourselves.”
For me, this is the part that is missing when we wish our children wings and roots. We are not creating adequate time and space for the sharing of stories. We are trying to share at the speed of software and tasks when we need to share at speed of listening and relationships.
When we create open ended time and space for sharing, listening, plus contemplation and reflection about our stories, we create a deep, cellular memory that we stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. Their strength, their love, their efforts, their commitment, and their sacrifices need to be celebrated and acknowledged. Then, we need to be intentional about how we choose to live our lives moving forward.
I hope as we look to the coming years that all our children and grandchildren will have wings and roots as they head out into the world. I hope they will learn, unlearn, and relearn how to fly and soar. I hope they will achieve their dreams, hopes, and aspirations. I also hope they will make a positive difference in the world.
At the exact same time that they are flying, I hope they will remember where they came from, and that they will remember their roots. I hope they will recognize that their ability to fly is directly connected to all their relatives and their relationships with others that came before them. I hope that this tap root is deep, strong, and ever growing. And with this realization, they will grasp what the author of Romans 11:18 was saying when they wrote: “Remember that it is not you that supports the root, but the root that supports you.”
During this Thanksgiving week and during this coming holiday season, may all our children and grandchildren feel this support, believe in this support, and experience this support as a source of inspiration, love, and strength as they grow, mature, and go out into the world. Life is a journey and each of us needs wings and roots in order to thrive, grow, and live our best life.
© Geery Howe 2024
No comments:
Post a Comment