Real leadership requires real contact. On the one hand, this seems completely obvious. On the other hand, fewer and fewer leaders are choosing this option. Instead, they are defaulting to management by e-mail as their major form of contact and communication. Therefore, I believe we need to return to more face to face meetings. I also believe we need to create more in-depth and meaningful connections with people before, during and after these meetings.
Now, I get that this will take a great deal of time and resources to make happen. E-mail is so much easier and quicker. Still, a face to face meeting reflects an investment in the people we count on the most, namely our team. Technology can complement those relationships, but it can not substitute for the connection that takes place during a face to face meeting. Furthermore, this choice to meet people in person sends a message to the team as a whole, and to the people on the team that they matter, that the work they do matters, and that the relationship is important.
As we recommit to face to face time with our teams, we must come to these meetings with epistemic humility, namely the recognition that someone else’s viewpoint might be useful, helpful, and interesting. Even if we don’t fully agree with them about everything, this level of humility shows others that we care for them, and that we respect them. And it indicates that we can work through our differences to discover common ground and creative solutions.
I think there is another reason why we need more face to face connections with people at this time period. In a world that is focused on our differences more than our similarities, and in a world that is focused on our pain more than our healing, people in every organization want one simple thing, namely to be seen and to be engaged in meaningful work. They also want to make a difference, and to work in a place where integrity, and respect are lived and experienced each and every day. Thus, our job as leaders is to accept this challenge and to create meaningful work, and a meaningful work environment.
Now, as leaders, we want to help people “find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life.” However, many people haven’t found that job yet, or have not been supported to transform their job into one that they love. This is where leadership and face to face connections can make a difference.
First, we can help people to get better at their job. However, most leaders, managers, and supervisors just want people to get the job done. And as a result, starting Sunday afternoon, most employees experience a level of worry and anxiety as they anticipate going back to work on Monday morning. The combination of “just get it done” pressure, and the experience of anxiety and worry that shows up on Sunday does not generate engagement, commitment, or successful outcomes. Instead, it creates distance and disengagement.
Nevertheless, leaders, managers and supervisors can help people get better at their jobs. This begins by helping employees measure their own progress. As Patrick Lencioni in his book, The Truth About Employee Engagement: A Fable About Addressing the Three Root Causes of Job Misery, formerly called The Three Signs of a Miserable Job: A Fable for Managers (and their employees) (Jossey-Bass 2007), writes “Employees need to be able to gauge their progress and level of contribution for themselves.” This simple choice empowers people, and helps motivate them. It gives them the opportunity to improve.
Second, along with the above, we can help people understand how their job is making the world a better place. Again, referencing the aforementioned book, Lencioni writes, “Human beings need to be needed, and they need to be reminded of this pretty much every day.” As we help people make progress and assist them in doing better in their jobs, we can help them answer these two questions suggested by Lencioni, namely “Who am I helping?” And “How am I helping?”. The answers to these two questions are a force multiplier.
And yet, from my experience, this all needs to happen in a face to face setting. Neither e-mail or a Zoom meeting can super charge these outcomes. Instead, when it happens in a face to face meeting, the authenticity of the communication and the subsequent action that follows makes the process more relevant and helpful.
Third, we need to change our leadership paradigm and focus on serving others, more than focusing on ourselves. As James Hunter in his book, The Servant: A Simple Story About the True Essence of Leadership (Crown Business, 1998), wrote many years ago: “Leadership is about getting things done through people. When working with and getting things done through people, there will always be two dynamics involved - the task and the relationship…. The key to leadership is accomplishing the tasks at hand while building relationships.” He continues, “Leaders should identify and meet the needs of their people, serve them. I did not say that they should identify and meet the wants of their people, be slaves to them. Slaves do what others want, servants do what others need. There is a world of difference between meeting wants and meeting needs.”
James Autry in his book, The Servant Leader: How to Build a Creative Team, Develop Great Morale, and Improve Bottom-Line Performance (Prima Publishing, 2001), picks up on this theme when he wrote: “Leadership is not about controlling people; it’s about caring for people and being a useful resource for people…. Leadership is not about being boss; it’s about being present for people and building a community at work.” He continues exploring the role of serving others, noting “Leadership is … about letting go of ego, bringing your spirit to work, being your best and most authentic self.” He expands on this theme by explaining that “Leadership is less concerned with pep talks and more concerned with creating a place in which people can do good work, can find meaning in their work, and can bring their spirits to work.”
Patrick Lencioni in his book, The Motive: Why So Many Leaders Abdicate Their Most Important Responsibilities (Wiley, 2020), writes, “At the most fundamental level, there are only two motives that drive people to become a leader. First, they want to serve others, to do whatever is necessary to bring about something good for the people they serve…. The second basic reason why people choose to be a leader - the all-too-common but invalid one - is that why want to be rewarded. They see leadership as the prize of years of hard work and are drawn by its trappings: attention, status, power, money.” Lencioni calls these two forms of leadership “responsibility-centered leadership” and “reward-centered leadership.” As he explains, “I believe it’s long past time that we, as individuals and as a society, reestablish the standard that leadership can never be about the leader more than the led.… leadership is meant to be joyfully difficult and selfless responsibility.” When the leadership paradigm focuses on serving others more than serving ourselves, we create capacity in the organization to rise to adaptive challenges and a diverse collection of difficult technical problems.
Fourth, we need to remember that successful organizational change does not proceed by contraction, but by expansion. It moves forward, not by exclusion, but by inclusion. And meeting people face to face can be an expanding and inclusive experience for all involved.
Yet, to make a face to face meeting an expansive and inclusive experience, we as leaders must learn to “keep vigil and listen.” This phrase has its roots in the world of faith, and it is deeply applicable at this time period. When we choose to keep vigil and listen as leaders, we are choosing to enter face to face meetings from a place of commitment to the time and place, i.e. we are willing to be 100% present to the moment, and we are willing to engage in active listening during the time we are together, i.e. no distractions and no interruptions. This is a powerful and important choice, because it signals to all involved, you matter and this matters. And that is a rarity in the world of business that is trying to move at the speed of software rather than at the speed of relationships.
Yet, to achieve an on-going expansive and inclusive experience, we need to remember that meeting people face to face comes with one challenge, namely we are not always sure of what is going to happen during the meeting. During a face to face meeting, we can experience a “cloud of unknowing,” referencing a 14th century metaphor. We think we know what is going to happen, but people are people and they will always surprise us when we least expect.
Therefore, during these crucial connections, we need to be careful that we do not activate our default mental maps as leaders. Over the years, I have learned that at the core of every face to face meeting, people want three things. First, they want to be liked as in popular. Second, they want to be correct as in certainty. Third, they want to be secure as in invulnerable to challenges at any level. Once those three are happening, most leaders are happy with the face to face connection.
However, in the world of leadership, organizational change, and continuous improvement, being liked, correct, and secure is not always possible. Many times, leaders need to question status quo, be that in structure and strategy, or systems and culture. We also need to hold people accountable to outcomes and behaviors, plus tasks and relationships. This makes everything complicated and complex.
Many years ago, Harvard’s Ron Heifetz was interviewed by William Taylor in an article called “The Leader of the Future” in the June 1999 issue of Fast Company magazine. As Heifetz pointed out, “Mustering the courage to interrogate reality is a central function of a leader. And that requires the courage to face three realities at once. First, what values do we stand for -- and are there gaps between those values and how we actually behave? Second, what are the skills and talents of our company -- and are there gaps between those resources and what the market demands? Third, what opportunities does the future hold -- and are there gaps between those opportunities and our ability to capitalize on them?” He then explains that “Leaders don't answer those questions themselves. That's the old definition of leadership: The leader has the answers -- the vision -- and everything else is a sales job to persuade people to sign up for it. Leaders certainly provide direction. But that often means posing well-structured questions, rather than offering definitive answers. Imagine the differences in behavior between leaders who operate with the idea that "leadership means influencing the organization to follow the leader's vision" and those who operate with the idea that "leadership means influencing the organization to face its problems and to live into its opportunities." That second idea -- mobilizing people to tackle tough challenges -- is what defines the new job of the leader.”
From my perspective, the “courage to interrogate reality” and to pose “well-structured questions, rather than offering definitive answers” is best done in person. When people gather to explore the questions and to collectively listen and determine the answers together, they will then mobilize and tackle the tough challenges before them, be they technical or adaptive. Furthermore, the interpersonal connections that happen when people are face to face deepens both awareness and understanding, generating a level of shared thinking and shared commitment to collaborative action. Again, I recognize that this level of work can take significant time and resources. Yet, the resulting connections that happen over time generate capacity, i.e. better planning and better execution, which is what every leader, manager and supervisor wants at both the strategic and operational levels within an organization.
Face to face meetings in a post pandemic world require a commitment to creating relationships and maintaining relationships. They are an investment in time, energy, and resources. But the short and long term return on these investments is significant. Because, in the end, the best leaders know that people commit to people before they will ever commit to the execution of a plan. And right now, we need more committed and engaged people if we are going to weather the current storms and pending challenges of the coming new year. As my late father always said, “Be prepared; then you don’t have to worry as much.” Now is the time to build healthy relationships so you can thrive in the midst of market uncertainty and complex strategic choices.
© Geery Howe 2024
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