We were talking with friends over dinner this past winter when she shared how in the time period of constant connectivity, i.e. smart phones, more and more people are feeling disconnected from friends, family and a meaningful life. She then paused and asked me the following question: “How do you move from connectivity back to real connections?””
I have been thinking about this question quite a bit because I am seeing more and more people in leadership positions who are feeling like they have lost their real connections with other people and are only connected to their iPhone, iPad or laptop, which, by the way, is constantly clamoring for their full attention.
After a lot of reflection, I have come to the conclusion that we need to look inward for the answer. Earlier this year before COVID-19 came and changed everything, I was participating in our adult education class at church. I was the youngest person in the group in my sixties and the oldest was over eighty five years old. We were talking about life’s challenges and transformation when one of the elders in the group said, “The seed of transformation is within each of us.”
The comment stopped the entire discussion. Everyone needed to pause and think about this insight. Slowly, we entered into a focused discussion about “What is transformation?” Some asked if it was an event or a gradual process. Others wondered if we were active participants or passive participants. Finally, most of us wondered how time plays a part in all of it.
The woman who made the original comment listened and then shared, “It’s an awakening… We have to be open to being open to new possibilities.”
I think the challenge for so many people in management and leadership positions is that we are not open to being open to new possibilities. Most of us have not explored or untangled what is happening inside of us. Instead, we just say “whatever” and move on.
However, those who have done this kind of work know that it will require us to engage with our mentors who can offer insights and perspective. We also have to work on our mindset, not just our skill set. As Dr. Willey Jolley reminds us: “Your input determines your output.”
If we want to improve our “inputs”, we need to limit our inputs. As Ryan Holiday in his book, Stillness Is The Key (Portfolio/Penguin, 2019), writes most of us suffer from “… the “CNN Effect” = breathless, twenty-four hour media coverage makes it considerably harder for politicians and CEOs to be anything but reactive.” He continues, “The point is, it’s very difficult to think or act clearly (to say nothing of being happy) when we are drowning in information…. analysis paralysis.” He encourages us to routinely ask the following question: “Is this necessary?” Many times, it is not and we are not even aware that we are addicted to the constant level of inputs.
Next, I believe we need to read more. As Jim Mattis in his book, Call Sign Chaos: Learning To Lead (Random House, 2019) that he co-wrote Bing West, writes: “If you haven’t read hundreds of books, learning from others who went before you, you are functionally illiterate - you can’t coach and you can’t lead.”
Furthermore, I believe we need to engage with and listen more to a diverse group of people and sources. This will gives us a more holistic perspective on life. It will teaches us that we are part of the problem and we can choose to be part of the solution.
Finally, we need to share our stories more. Leadership is accessible to all of us; we just need to figure out how to share it with others. As an old Chinese proverb says, “It is not the size of the mountain that obstructs our way. It is the pebble in our shoe.” And a lot of us need to share about the pebbles in our shoes and how we have learned to take them out.
This week think connectivity vs. connections and seek out pathways to create more and more meaningful connections in your life.
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