Staying Close to What Matters Most

Introduction

“How do we stay close to what matters in a daily way in the midst of so many detours and distractions?,” writes the poet Mark Nepo in his book, The Fifth Season: Creativity in the Second Half of Life (St. Martin’s Essential, 2025). “Three essential ways come to mind. We stay close to what matters by remaining wholehearted, by clearing the confusion that constantly visits us, and by quieting the voices of lack that hoard what we have and compare what we don’t to all that is around us.”

Staying close to what matters the most on a daily basis is a life long challenge. We regularly get distracted and interrupted, which often leads to detours and rabbit holes. And when we get to the other side of managing all these details and engaging in problem solving related to the details, we often feel worn, overwhelmed, and deeply frustrated. Then, when this pattern is repeated, day after day, week after week, month after month, we loose sight of what really matters most, and succumb to a life of being busy and depleted. 

So, when Nepo encourages us to “stay close to what matters by remaining wholehearted,” I understand the importance of this choice, and yet, at times, I struggle with how to do this. I also struggle with the fact that there are days when I have lost the memory of what it feels like to stay close to what matters most. Still, all is not lost or hopeless. My intent is still strong. I just know I need to be more consistent and disciplined in my choices. 

Remaining Wholehearted

My first choice is “stay close to what matters by remaining wholehearted.” I think this is vitally important and very hard to do, because being wholehearted means to be devoted, determined and enthusiastic in life’s journey. When I think about being wholehearted, I am reminded of the work of Jungian psychoanalyst, James Hollis, Ph.D. As he wrote: “No matter how well intended we begin, sooner or later we all spend good portions of this journey stumbling through savannas of suffering, where in we nonetheless find tasks that, when addressed - even in those dismal, diminishing circumstances - enlarge us. Going through suffering, rather than denying or anesthetizing it, knowing that if we hang in there, it will bring us choices that can either enlarge us or diminish us, and that when we are least in control, we still retain the freedom of choosing what matters to us.”

The act of “stumbling through savannas of suffering” requires us to make important choices. Some of those choices may feel diminishing, and others will be enlarging. But, in the beginning, life is less about making things orderly and under control, and more about alignment, the convergence of intention, clarity, and heart. When we choose to put our whole heart into living, and also give ourselves permission to keep learning and growing, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, we stay close to what matters, even when we stumble into a savanna of suffering. 

Clearing The Confusion

My second choice is “clearing the confusion that constantly visits us.” On the surface, this seems like an easy course of action, but I have come to understand that the act of clearing takes time, patience, and perspective. And given current events, our digital lives create a wide variety of cognitively demanding, wildly time absorbing, logistical tasks that do not generate quality living or quality outcomes. 

When talking with a young person about life’s challenges, she shared that many people are focused on “grindset, not mindset.” I had never heard this term, grindset, before, and through listing and reading, I learned that it is an unwavering focus on achieving goals through intense, relentless work, often at the expense of other aspects of life. Furthermore, it is a mentality that glories constant work, and is driven by the belief that success is solely achieved through dedication and effort. While it can be associated with positive traits like hard work and discipline, a grindset mentality can have negative consequences, leading to burnout, anxiety, and strained relationships. 

When I understood the meaning of the term, I realized that I had been caught in this cycle numerous times in my life journey, and that I had met many people, particularly those in leadership and management positions, who defined life as one big check list that needed to be done. And while they got lots done, they also paid a heavy price in terms of relationships, marriages, and health. In basic terms, they won at work, and lost at life. 

Yet, clearing the confusion that constantly visits us is still important. “In the absence of ‘wake-up calls’,” writes the late Stephen Covey, “many of us never really confront the critical issues of life. Instead of looking for deep chronic causes, we look for quick fix Band-Aids and aspirin to treat the acute pain. Fortified by temporary relief, we get busier and busier doing ‘good’ things and never even stop to ask ourselves if what we’re doing what really matters most.” And this is why, we need a network of support people in our lives who will listen carefully, and share openly so we can regain perspective about our choices and our overall mindset. 

Again, I turn to the poet Mark Nepo, who shares an important point about regaining perspective. As he explains, “Being ready centers on the foundational ground we stand on and the clarity of view we meet a situation with. We often mistake being prepared for being ready, through the process of getting prepared can be the exercise by which we ready ourselves inwardly to meet any situation…. In life and love and in meeting our suffering, we need both - to be prepared and to be ready. To be prepared is to know how to step. To be ready is to see where to step. To be prepared is to know how to pick up what is broken. To be ready is to have a some sense of how the pieces go back together. To be prepared is to make a schedule. To be ready is to lean into the day with an open heart when the schedule is lost in the rain.” And, as we all know, life always has it’s rainy days, no matter what we do. 

Quieting the Voices

My third choice relates to “quieting the voices of lack that hoard what we have and compare what we don’t to all that is around us.” All day and every day, we are talking to ourselves about what is happening around us and within us. This inner dialogue can be helpful, and it can be hurtful. 

What I have discovered from coaching people, and from being coached and supported by other people, is that our inner dialogue is often focused on self-criticism and self-judgement. We are mad that things are not going “right,” or that we are not getting our fair share. So, we direct this anger inward. Sometimes, we direct it outward, too. As a result, we have so much anger within us, and so little compassion for ourselves and others.

This on-going diet of internal criticism blinds us to see what is actually going right, and where small acts of progress are taking place. It also prevents us from understanding what triggered us in the first place, and what caused us to get lost in an internal trough of chaos.

When this happens, we need to engage in meta-awareness, namely we need to be aware of our awareness. When we do not quiet the voices of lack, we find ourselves in a world that can feel threatening and overwhelming. And as a result, we typically respond in four ways, namely to fight, flee, freeze, or faint/flop. Each of these normal stress responses are useful coping strategies. They keep us alive through the difficulties we are dealing with at this time period. However, they are all default responses.  

Once we are aware of how we are responding to life, we can then ask ourselves two important questions: Is this the best response given the circumstances before me?  Is my response hindering my ability to lead with clarity and integrity? By deploying our meta-awareness, we can thoughtfully and mindfully choose how to respond rather than react reflexively and unconsciously. 

As Brene’ Brown in her book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead ( Avery, 2012), reminds us: “What we know matters, but who we are matters more. Being rather than knowing requires showing up and letting ourselves be seen. It requires us to dare greatly, to be vulnerable. The first step of that journey is understanding where we are, what we’re up against, and where we need to go.” Through engaging our meta-awareness, we create time for recovery, resiliency, and the capacity to past the voices of fear, shame, and frustration. In short, we discover the pathway to staying close to what matters most.  

A Monumental Shift In Consciousness

“Life is not about you; you are about life,” writes Franciscan friar and ecumenical teacher, Father Richard Rohr. “You are an instance of a universal, and even eternal, patterns. Life is living itself in you. This realization is an earthquake in the brain, a hurricane in the heart, a Copernican revolution in the mind, and a monumental shift in consciousness.” And if we are to stay close to what matters most in our life, we need to embrace this insight, and engage in a monumental shift in consciousness 

This begins with the aforementioned three essential ways, but also expands to include more time and space in our lives to create and experience more moments of sharing and dialogue. For when we choose to make this a priority, we create room for inner growth, personal clarity, and deeper connections. As executive coach, Lindsay Leahy in her book, Take It All Apart: How to Live, Lead, and Work with Intention (River Grove Books, 2024), notes, “In its simplest form, connection is full presence and engagement. It’s what we experience when our heart, mind, body, and spirit are together and fully focused on where we are and what we are doing in the present moment.” 

With deeper connections and inner alignment, we comprehend the wisdom the Dalai Lama shared years: “A change in heart is always a change of mind.” The authors of the I-Ching, an ancient Chinese book that provides guidance and wisdom for navigating life’s challenges, understood this perspective when they wrote: “No revolution in outer things is possible without prior revolution in one’s inner way of being. Whatever change you aspire to . . . must be preceded by a change in heart” - I Ching Hexagram 49. 

For when we change our own heart, we also learn one more important lesson, namely “Del be del rah dareh,” which is a Farsi expression that means “Our hearts have pathways to one another.” We are all connected. And we are all part of something greater than us, even if it is not visible to us. For in the beginning, middle, and end, we are all a part of the universal and eternal pattern of life. And by staying close to what matters most, we are discovering the sacred within the ordinary, and are blessed because of this shift in consciousness. 

© Geery Howe 2026

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Why Are Core Values So Important?

During the first session of the From Vision to Action Leadership Training, which I taught annually for 24 years before retiring, I would ask the students the following question: “What are the key building blocks for generating sustainable, organizational success?”. Over the years, the answers would vary, often depending on the most recent New York Times best-seller book on leadership, management, or organizational change. 

Then, we would explore my answer to the question, which was the following:

- a cohesive leadership team that can engage in a robust dialogue.

- a strategic plan that integrates with an annual and quarterly performance management system which offers freedom, defines responsibility, and measures for accountability, and connects to a workable budget so people can monitor/display fiscal responsibility too.

- a communication systems that cascades information down into the organization in an accurate and timely manner.

- flexible and disciplined employees who can utilize their strengths and talents to achieve their goals.

- a cohesive organizational culture based on shared purpose/ mission, vision, and is empowered by a set of defined core values.

This was always a lively conversation with many people chiming in about different pieces that they missed or had not considered. We always agreed that this was not the complete and final answer to the question, but instead it was an excellent place to start exploring this important subject in greater detail, which is what we did over the four different class sessions.  

Next, we would examine the role of a strategic nexus. This nexus was made up of two parts, one being a core ideology, namely a vision, mission, and core values, and the other part being a strategic plan with goals and metrics. The purpose of the core ideology was to preserve the core of the company, i.e. the cultural DNA, and to be the piece that does not change, i.e. the line of continuity through change. The purpose of the strategic plan was to stimulate progress and to prevent status quo from becoming stagnant. It also increased urgency and created focus for all involved. 

As we discussed the subject of a strategic nexus, we always ended up exploring the role and importance of core values. First, all involved needed to understand that mission (what we do), vision (an aspirational destination, for lack of a better word), and core values (what guides our behaviors and decisions on a daily basis) form a trinity that is the core of thee company. While we can examine one of the three in great detail, they come as a package and their unity is critical to short and long term success. 

Based on my experiences as a consultant, I don’t think many leaders grasp the importance of the core values in the daily life of employees within a company. I remember one time years ago when we gathered for the second session of the From Vision to Action Leadership, that a student returned to class and was extremely upset with me. She had left the first session of class, and was fired up about the importance of core values. So, she traveled back home, wrote them up for her company, told everyone at work what the new core values were, and how she expected everyone to embrace them and role model them in all they did on a daily basis. And then, she waited to see a new level of performance to happen. However, most people ignored them, or just gave them lip service and nothing else. Not a single employee changed their behavior during the weeks that followed. So, by the time she came to the second session of class, she was mad. 

With her permission, we discussed as a class what had happened, and how this was a common problem that many leaders experienced. First, I had to point out that core values are an important part of the cultural DNA of the organization. But, in order for this to happen, the core values need to be owned and understood by the people who have execute them. Second, this level of ownership and understanding has to transcend time and place, meaning it has to get transferred and embraced by new employees, managers, and leaders. In essence, the company has to choose to institutionalize their core values and support people who role model them in the moment and over time. 

For when I have worked with companies who have chosen to make this long term commitment to their core values, leaders at all levels of the company, along with employees, recognize that the core values are integral to individual, and our shared, collective success within the company. They generate this success based on an alignment between inner clarity and outer action. They also come to understand that the core values are non-negotiable, not conditional or contextual. In short, they are lived on daily basis, and represent disciplined choices made over time. 

Translating core values into clear and concise core behaviors takes in-depth dialogue, and practical examples of what they look like in action. Nevertheless, in successful companies, you can witness these values in action by what people choose to do and not do. In essence, they reflect our beliefs translated into action and choices, culminating in a common understanding and shared commitment. 

During the coming weeks and months, I recommend you unpack your current core values, and discuss what they mean, and what they look like in action. Doing this will help all involve be better prepared for current and emerging challenges. 

© Geery Howe 2026

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Life By Design

Last summer, I was at a potluck with friends when one of them said to me: “I drive by a lot of houses with flower beds. Some are pretty, and some are just okay. But when I drive by your house, I think to myself ‘those flower beds are just nicer. They are pleasant to the eye’.”

“Thanks,” I replied.

“So, why are your beds different?”, he asked.

“My flower beds are built by design,” I shared. “It is easy to buy plants and to plant them. And often this results in some pretty flower beds. But the difference at our house is that I have designed the flower beds in a thoughtful manner. I also have gotten to know the plants, and created a pattern within the bed that unifies it and highlights different plants over the course of the growing season.” 

He nodded  thoughtfully, and said, “Oh, I get it now.” 

Starting in mid-August and running through to the end of September, I routinely will go through the various flower beds around our house and check on the original design to see if it is still the right design. For example, the sun bed in the back with the purple cone flowers no longer works, because the nearby maple tree has grown and created significant shade. So, the flowers are moved out, and this coming spring the shade loving hostas will be moved in. 

In another example, I had to do a complete restoration of four different iris beds last fall. During the previous spring, the iris had stopped blooming. What is interesting about iris plants is that they spread by growing their rhizomes outward. While they do not spread aggressively, they do form clumps that can become over crowded, choking off the flowering part of the iris. And this is what I suspected had happened over time. 

So last fall, I lifted all the iris plants with my garden fork. What I discovered was a dense mat of rhizomes, wildly intertwined with each other. I then understood that they could not flower because there was no room for further growth. So, with my clippers, I had to break up these mats of rhizomes, let go of the old dysfunctional parts of the plants, and find the original healthy part of the plants. By removing the older and no longer viable rhizomes, I was rejuvenating the plants, and ultimately restoring the original design to the whole flower bed. 

In short, during each growing season, I need to weed here and there in order to restore the original design. Sometimes, I also need to completely restore a flower bed, because the natural environment in that flower bed has evolved. The overall goal is to maintain, and as needed, to evolve the core design. 

Richard Pascale, Mark Millemann, and Linda Gioja in their book, Surfing The Edge of Chaos: The Laws of Nature and the New Laws of Business (Three Rivers Press, 2000), write that “business … can learn a lot from nature.” As they explain, nature, e.g. a rain forest, is a complex adaptive system. So is the human immune system, a termite colony, or a business. The challenge is that “complexity and chaos are frequently used interchangeably, even though they have nothing in common. The world is not chaotic; it is complex,” and humans “tend to regard chaotic that which they can not control.” They note that chaos is “an unlikely occurrence in which patterns cannot be found nor interrelationships understood. On the other hand, complexity “may feel chaotic but really it just is a complex adaptive system or event.”

Therefore, these authors recommend that we “design, don’t engineer” when dealing with complexity. To understand this recommendation, we need to understand the difference between designing something and engineering something. First, designing is the creative process of conceptualizing and planning, focusing on the form, purpose and meaning in order to create a workable solution. On the other hand, engineering is the application of scientific principles to analyze, develop, and build that solution, ensuring it is functional, scalable, safe, and practical for long-term use. The former focuses on inspiration, vision, and clear direction and/or intent, while the later focuses on feasibility and functionality. In short, design focuses on what we want, and engineering usually happens when there is a clear idea about what needs to be built. In short, the authors recommend we “design with the outcome/purpose in mind,” and then “discover what is working and build on that.”

When I reflect on these insights, I think about the world of training. Anybody can stand up, and talk for an hour or even six hours. Anybody can also offer a workshop or a training on various subjects. But the subtle and important difference between a good workshop and an excellent one is that the best trainings have been designed. It is the instructional design process that happens before the teaching that makes the teaching so powerful. 

Building on this perspective, the same goes with life and living. A life based on clarity of purpose and intent is a life created by design, not by default or by control. Instead, it is a life created by understanding what matters the most, and then building a life based on this inner clarity. It all boils down to first the design, and then the engineering. 

As we move through these winter months, all of us need to take stock, and think deeply about the design and intent of our life. Then, when we have figured out what matters most, we need to create this life, at home and at work. We need to design and then build a life based on purpose and clear intention. The outcome of this choice may requires us to restore some parts of our life, weed out other parts of our life, and actively design and create new parts so that what matters most is not lost in the change of the seasons. 

For me, winter is the perfect time to step back and look for the design in the midst of complexity, and on some days, we need to do this even when life feels chaotic. But with the right amount of reflection, dialogue, and discovery, we can find, and create a life so that ourselves and those we love and cherish can have the right amount of space to grow and flourish. 

Spring is coming sooner than we think, and now is the time to prepare for the miracle of the land awakening to new sounds, shapes and colors. This week, I encourage you to create a life based on design, rather than by default or by control. 

© Geery Howe 2026

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

How Do We Navigate Ambiguity?

This is probably one of the most important questions a leader needs to answer right now. The challenge of how to navigate ambiguity is not going away. Instead, it is continuing to expand, and to generate a high degree of complexity. 

As we explore this question in more depth, we need to start with a definition of the word, ambiguity. The dictionary tells us that it is “the quality of being open to more than one interpretation”. It also states that it is “something unclear that can be understood in more than one way.” For example, it’s when a word, phrase, or situation has multiple possible meanings, creating uncertainty about the true intention or message. 

One form of ambiguity is moral ambiguity, which can be described as an ethical dilemma, a grey area, or a point of moral complexity. It is situation where it is difficult to determine what is the right or wrong path to choose. 

In the business world, ambiguity refers to a situation in which it is difficult to make decisions or predictions due to a lack of, or conflicting information. In the world of leadership, this often translates into strategic ambiguity or strategic uncertainty, namely a situation where it is difficult to discern which is the right path to take given the lack of, or conflicting information. 

In times of ambiguity, Kevin Cashman in his book, The Pause Principle: Step Back to Lead Forward (Berrett-Koehler, 2012), writes “All too often, we allow ourselves to be carried away by our busy-ness. We are too hyperactive, too reactive to even notice the hidden value-creating dynamics waiting just under the surface within us and around us. Tethered to our smartphones, we are too caught up and distracted to take the time necessary to sort through complexity or to locate submerged purpose. In our urgent rush to get ‘there,’ we are going everywhere but being nowhere. Far too busy managing with transitive speed, we rarely step back to lead with transformative significance.”

Cashman also reminds us of the Second Law of Thermodynamics: As activity lessens, order increases. Therefore, he recommends we activate The Pause Principle, which “is the conscious, intentional process of stepping back, within ourselves and outside ourselves, to lead forward with greater authenticity, purpose, and contribution.” As he continues, “The greater the complexity, the deeper the reflective pause required to convert the complex and ambiguous to the clear and meaningful. Pause helps us to move from the transitive or hyperactive to the transformative.”

Margaret Wheatley understands this perspective when she wrote, “Thinking is the place where intelligent actions begin. We pause long enough to look more carefully at a situation, to see more of its character, to think about why it’s happening, to notice how it’s affecting us and others.” 

From my experience and observations, effective leaders pause and hold ambiguity in dialogue. This choice makes a profound difference on many levels within the leader and the organization. But to grasp this choice, we need to unpack the word dialogue and understand it’s meaning in greater detail. 

Dialogue originates from the Greek word dialogs, which is the combination of dia meaning “through or between,” and logos meaning “word or speech.” It literally means a flow of meaning through or between words and people. Next, there are two types of dialogue, namely the outer form between two or more people, and the inner dialogue with oneself. Both forms of dialogue revolve around discovering a flow of meaning, i.e. an on-going and ever-evolving understanding of meaning and clarity. 

When effective leaders pause and hold ambiguity in dialogue, I am reminded of the late Stephen Covey and his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (Free Press, 1989). In it, Covey explains the choice between focusing on the circle of concern vs. the circle of influence. The circle of concern included everything that concerned an individual, even if they had little or no control over it. The circle of influence, on the other hand, encompassed all the things one could directly influence or impact, even if they did not have complete control. Covey advocated for the reader to shift their focus from their circle of concern to their circle of influence in order to take steps that could make a positive difference in their life and in the lives of others. 

Upon reflection, during times of ambiguity and uncertainty, I think we first need to focus on creating, and then being in a circle of reflection and dialogue before we focus on our circle of influence. The goal is to start from a place of meaning and clarity before action rather than to attempt, and hope to discover clarity and meaning only through action. 

Within this unique circle, we need to pause and look at things, issues, or problems from multiple angles and various perspectives. We also need to seek out the wise counsel of others, and to listen deeply to their insights, lessons learned, and perspective. For it is the combination of reflection and dialogue that will lead us to actions that are mission-driven, vision-led, and values-based.

Given the current lack of information, and/or conflicting information plus the ongoing uncertainty about the intentions of others, near and far, ambiguity and uncertainty will continue to create dynamic complexity. Our choice as leaders is to remember and pause, reflect, and dialogue, internally and externally, in order to make thoughtful choices rather than reactive choices. As Lisa Miller, PhD writes, “… outward goals are no substitute for larger meaning and purpose.” And now is the time to discover or recover larger meaning and purpose, internally and externally, in order to navigate well through ambiguity. 

© Geery Howe 2026

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change