Focus on Social Engagement
Herminia Ibarra in her book, Act Like A Leader, Think Like A Leader (Harvard Business Review Press, 2015), writes that everyone who is a leader should have three different kinds of networks in order to be successful. The different kinds of networks are an operational network, a personal network, and a strategic networks. As she explains, “The first [the operational network] helps you manage current internal responsibilities [related to work], the second [the personal network] boosts personal development, and the third [the strategic network] focuses on new business directions and the stakeholders you must get on board to pursue these directions.” She continues, “your strategic network is made up of relationships that help you to envision the future, sell your ideas, and get the information and resources you need to exploit these ideas…. A good strategic network gives you connective advantage: the ability to marshal information, support, or other resources from one of your networks to obtain results in another.”
When I consider what she proposes, I think everyone should have three different networks in their life, whether or not they are a leader, a manager, or a senior executive. One network should helps us get better at our job. Another network should help us become a better person. And the last network should help us see the bigger picture in life. Collectively, each one is interrelated to the other. Each one impacts the other.
The challenge in life is that when the world becomes turbulent and unpredictable, and we attempt to create order out of chaos, we often do not engage with any of our networks. We believe we have to change everything all by ourselves. And the outcome of this choice is that we end up with a diversity of low-trust relationships just at the moment in life when we need high-trust relationships in order to cope, and find a better way of moving through the feelings of chaos.
Greg McKeown, author and public speaker on the topics of leadership and business strategy, notes that “… low-trust relationship structures generally happen by default rather than by design.” And time and time again, I have witnessed the impact of these default choices and the long term impact of low-trust relationships. In order to move from these defaults to relationships by design, we need to do three things.
First, we must remember something that Aristotle wrote a long time ago: “Our feelings toward our friends reflect our feelings toward ourselves.” We need to stop and re-engage with our internal feelings. As I mentioned early, self-inquiry is a critical first step.
As we walk this pathway of generating internal clarity, I am remind of the advice that Rabbi Jonathon Omer-Man shared: “Integrity is the ability to listen to a place inside oneself that doesn’t change, even though the life that carries it may change.” Finding this place of integrity in combination with self-inquiry is a pathway to generating a greater degree of social engagement by design rather than by default
Second, we need to be trustworthy. As Stephen M.R. Covey pointed out, “In the same way you can either diminish or lose trust through your behavior, you can also consciously create it, grow it, extend it, and in some cases, restore it through your behavior.” Being trustworthy is a powerful behavioral choice.
As Covey notes, trust has two dimensions, namely “character and competence.” I agree and we can work on both levels. But we must not forget something that Father Richard Rohr wrote, “You cannot get there; you can only be there.” He recognizes that the starting place is to work on trust is with our being, more than our doing. It is the development of character skills, e.g. being a person integrity, more than the action of integrity.
Third, we must return again to the work of Heifetz and Linsky. They tell us to “keep confidants, and don't confuse them with allies.” This takes me back to Ibarra’s three networks. While the operational network and the personal network can be made up of allies, I believe the strategic network, the one that gives you connective advantage must be built around a collection of confidants, who will listen deeply and, at the same time, challenge you thoughtfully. These are the people who will encourage you to look at the inner landscape and your choices, and then be present in a nonjudgmental manner as you do this work.
When we create three networks by design, engage in thoughtful self-inquiry, and understand the importance and difference between allies and confidants, we will create a new and better social engagement system that will generate, perspective, capacity, and resilience in the midst of wildly turbulent and unpredictable times.
Small Gestures Make All The Difference
I was visiting with a friend recently and we began talking about how certain people and their choices can make a big difference when change gets messy. As we explored this notion, he focused on the importance of small gestures, because they reflect the integrity of that particular person. His comment instantly made total sense to me. I also realized that it is in the small acts of kindness and respect, connection and thoughtfulness that the character of a person is revealed.
Having traveled widely for 36+ years while teaching and consulting, I have taken many tours of many different sized organizations. I also have been introduced and shook the hands of thousands of people during these introductions to a new company and/or a new team. During these many walk throughs and introductions, I have spent a lot of time with leaders, watching how they engage with others. In particular, I find it very interesting in how well they connect, listen, and are present to another person.
After one long tour, I remember going out to lunch with a divisional leader who was struggling with a few key managers in his area of responsibility. In particular, he could not comprehend why these individuals were not being respectful of key front line staff. Over the course of the meal, we talked about different forms of trust, communication, and how someone’s behavior is the first form of communication before the spoken word has even taken place, i.e. actions speak louder than words.
As we concluded this in-depth discussion and the various ways he could coach people to raise their level of awareness and understanding, we left the table and started walking out of the restaurant. When we passed a table of older men, he reached over, touched my arm and said, “Hold on a minute. I have to do something.”
Then, he walked back to the table, bent down on one knee, and spoke to one particular gentleman in a quiet and deeply personal way. The older gentleman nodded, and they shook hands. Then, he stood up, and returned to where I was standing.
He paused for a moment, and then said to me, “I suspect you are wondering about all of that. When I passed him on the way out, I noticed the ball cap of that particular gentleman. He was a veteran of WWII, and his platoon was listed on his ball cap. I went back to thank him for his service and his sacrifices for our country. I lost my dad last year. He was a veteran of the war, too. He served in the European theater of operations. Every time, I see a vet I think of my dad, and how I did not thank him enough for all he did and all the sacrifices he made. So, every time I see a vet, I go out of my way to thank them. It means a lot to me, and I know it means a lot to them, too.”
I paused and looked back at the older gentleman who was seated around a table with his friends. It made me think of my own dad who had served in WWII in the Pacific theater of operations. It made me want to pick up my phone right then and there, and call him to thank him for his service and his sacrifices.
Instead, I turned to the divisional leader and said, “The few key managers, who you are struggling with, only see people as employees. They do not see them as fathers or mothers, brothers or sisters, grandparents or members of a family. The relationship is transactional. The focus is on functionality. Until they can see their people as whole people, and make authentic, small gestures of connection like you just did, coaching will only get you so far. Maybe in your next team meeting, you need to share why you did what you just did and what difference it makes in you and in them. This whole leadership and management thing is really all about connections.”
He smiled, nodded in agreement, and later told me that this one sharing with his team and these key managers began to change everything. And to this day, whenever I meet a veteran or see a veteran, I always pause and thank them for their service and their sacrifices. I do it to honor my dad who has passed away, and to honor them for their choice to preserve and protect our country.
To be continued on Wednesday.
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