Introduction
Right now, a lot of people in leadership positions believe that something about their life is not working right. It feels disjointed, incoherent, and disturbingly frustrating on so many levels. They are realizing that their life is neither health promoting or life-sustaining. For some, this is the result of living through the last four years. For others, it is the result of living through the last six months. Whatever the case, they know they need to change something, but they are struggling about what to do and how to proceed.
From my vantage point, quite a few people are feeling this way, because they are dealing with chronic burn-out. For leaders, feeling stressed is a normal part of living and working. It comes with the territory and routinely includes some degree of worry, concern, and mental tension caused by difficult situations and/or difficult people.
On the other hand, chronic burnout reflects feeling constantly overloaded with too many problems and not enough time, mental energy, resources, or support to deal with it all. The outcome is a constant feeling of exhaustion, loneliness, and isolation. Also, with chronic burnout, they do not experience any degree of recovery. There is no time or space for that to happen. Instead, problems and people just keep coming at them hour by hour, day by day. There is never any sense of closure. It’s just work, and then more work in an endless messy cycle. And thus, many leaders right now feel hopeless.
“Hopelessness arises out of a combination of negative life events and negative thought patterns, particularly self-blame and the perceived in-ability to change our circumstances,” writes Brene Browning her book, Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience (Random House, 2021). This hopelessness and chronic burn-out also includes a feeling of despair. Theologian Rob Bell defines despair as “the belief that tomorrow will be just like today.” And as a result, people just want to give up and quit work, and for some their home life, too. When chronic burn-out, hopelessness, and despair converge, life sucks. Nevertheless, there are three, first steps we can take to regain a life that is health promoting and life-sustaining.
Seek Hospitality
First, when we want a life that has purpose and structure, and a life that is to a degree ordered and simplified, we must seek out hospitality. The dictionary defines the word hospitality as “the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests or visitors.” While the definition seems simplistic, for me the key words in the definition describe a place where there is friendly and generous reception. I have experienced a place of this nature personally and professionally. I have listened to many people describe this place, too. What makes it so special is that we are welcomed as whole people and struggling people, all at the same time. It is a space and time where an individual can receive compassion, which makes it possible for those in pain to find the pathway to heal themselves.
For when we are struggling and when we know things are just not right, the place of hospitality and the people who make the place special know one specific thing. In order to transform the feeling of life being chaotic into a life that is a challenge, we need the support of people who care. We also need people who can offer perspective. And finally we need this place of hospitality to feel safe in order to receive the support and perspective we are seeking. When this unique kind of space is friendly and generous, we can begin the first steps of recovery.
Prepare Yourself
Second, from this place of hospitality, we need to prepare ourselves for the journey of recovery. A critical element of this work is to discern the difference between transition management and change management. Willian Bridges in his book Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change (Perseuss Books, 1991) notes that change management is about outcomes and new beginnings. On the other hand, transition management is about the internal and emotional elements related to endings. As he wrote, “The starting point for a transition is not the outcome but the ending that you will have to make to leave the old situation behind.” A transition starts with an ending and finishes with a new beginning. It involves letting go of old ways and dealing with the losses that come with this process.
Bridges points out that during transitions people need the following: a purpose, a picture, a plan, and a part. The purpose is to create clarity about “why” change needs to take place. It gives meaning to the work. Next, they need a picture that describes the look and the feel of when they reach their new beginning. The plan is a step-by step process of how to get to the picture. And finally, they need to know their part, namely to have clarity about their role in the whole process.
Along with purpose, picture, plan and part, we need to remember that during a transition we are letting go of the old ways. This often comes with letting go of a dysfunctional way of working, and dealing with the subsequent losses around this choice. We also need to remember that loss is a subjective personal experience. It is often expressed during normal grieving behaviors such as anger, bargaining, anxiety, sadness, disorientation, and depression. At times, professional support can be very helpful when this happens.
Finally, as we prepare for the recovery journey, we need to define what is and what is not over. When burnout and feeling overwhelmed is involved, we must treat the past with respect. We did the best we could with the information and resources available. And yet chronic burnout did happen.
One element of respecting the past and at the same time inventing a new future is to determine what really matters in our lives and then to ensure this line of continuity is not lost in the recovery process. While it is easy to idealize the past and to think about “the good old days,” this only reflects our selective memory, and does not take into consideration the entirety of what took place and what ultimately resulted in chronic burnout. Therefore, when we steward a line of continuity of what really matters during our transitions, we are sacrificing short-term security for long term integration and more truthful living. And this is a powerful and important choice to make on the road to recovery post chronic burnout.
To be continued on Tuesday.
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