As we move forward each day through the diverse, and ever-growing collection of adaptive challenges and technical problems before us and our organizations, remember that what ever happens, we do not need to go through it alone. Some days, we will feel alone. Some days, we will feel we are the only one who is struggling. Some days, we will feel ashamed of being challenged and we will feel vulnerable in the midst of our struggles. Still, we must understand that feelings may not always be the true perception of reality.
No matter what is happening around us, we all have the capacity to support each other. When we choose to offer support and to receive it, we can and will be resilient beyond just surviving the hard times we are experiencing. As Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. reminds us, “What we do to survive is often different from what we may need to do in order to live.” And during hard times, we need to survive and we also need to live.
“So often, when we feel lost, adrift in our lives, our first instinct is to look out into the distance to find the nearest shore.”, writes Brene’ Brown in her book, Atlas of the Heart. “But that shore, that solid ground, is within us. The anchor we are searching for is connection, and it is internal. To form meaningful connections with others, we must first connect with ourselves, but to do either, we must first establish a common understanding of the language of emotion and human experience.”
When we choose to connect with ourself, we must understand that hope and adversity are interrelated. We must realize that faith is foundational to this connection. We also need to remind ourselves and others that we, as leaders, are constantly sending a message whether we are speaking or not speaking. These meta-messages build culture at the team and organizational levels. Therefore, we need to be conscious of our non-verbal actions. We also need to proactively engage in strategic level dialogue, and build on the strengths of all involved. Next, we need to create habits that maintain perspective when we are struggling and practice receiving as much as giving. Finally, we need to remember the advice and counsel of my late mother-in-law who said “We must wear belts and suspenders.” Creating inner stillness and creating broad networks of support are interconnected. Each one supports the other.
Finding and then standing on our own, internal solid ground is hard work. Connecting with ourselves is the precursor to leading others through hard times. But with a common language, and a common understanding about our emotions and our experiences, we can be resilient in the midst of hard times. For when we do this level of work, we then can conduct ourselves with the utmost integrity, and lead others through the difficulties before us all.
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