During a time period of high unpredictability, she shared with me about some of the major problems before her organization. In particular, she was deeply concerned about whether or not there would be adequate staffing levels to maintain daily operations, the continued turnover in certain departments, and an overall reduction in their employee engagement scores. At the same time, there were industry changes happening, including funding changes. And she could not influence any of these changes, or predict how they would impact the company.
She paused in her sharing and said, “In the midst of all these hard times, there is a tremendous need for the services we offer. Furthermore, there is an opportunity to expand our services and to support more people. We are doing the right things for the right reasons. Still, I am struggling. We are struggling.
I have two questions for you this morning, Geery. First, what do I do when the future is filled with tons of opportunity and I have no staff to execute on this potential? Second, what do I as a leader when it all feels hopeless? These are such hard times, and I do not know how to move forward through them.”
During the long pause that followed this important sharing, I was reminded of the chorus to the song, “Hard Times Come Again No More” by Mavis Staples. As Staples sang:
’Tis the song, the sigh of the weary
Hard time, hard times, come again no more
Many a days you have lingered all around my cabin door
Oh, hard times, come again no more.
What followed this sharing and numerous follow-up coaching sessions was an on-going discussion about how to be resilient during hard times, and how to find hope when we are struggling. For when we choose to be resilient, we can maintain perspective and discover new solutions even in the midst of short and the long challenges.
Hope And Adversity Are Interrelated
“Hope is a function of struggle,” writes Brene’ Brown in her book, Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience (Random House, 2021). “We develop hope not during the easy or comfortable times, but through adversity and discomfort.”
I have known and interacted with many leaders over the course of my career. We have shared deeply, and explored a wide variety of problems, adaptive and technical, and even a few crisis situations. Upon reflection, I have not known a single leader who woke up on a Monday morning and hoped that the day would be filled with struggle, adversity, and discomfort. Most just wanted to get up and make progress on a few important things. They wanted to make a difference, strategically and operationally. They wanted to live a life that was purpose driven. They wanted to feel engaged.
However, many of these same leaders have come to the realization that they did not create all the problems that are showing up at their “cabin door,” referencing the earlier song. They also know that they can not control or influence most of these problems, They even recognize that some of these problems may never be able to be fixed. They may not like this, but most are realistic about the limits of their position. And yet, even with this degree of clarity, there are periods when they as leaders can become overwhelmed and feel hopeless.
Brene’ Brown explains that “hopelessness stems from not being able to set realistic goals (we don’t know what we want), and even if we can identify realistic goals, we can’t figure out how to achieve them. If we attempt to achieve the goals, we give up when we fail, we can’t tolerate disappointment, and we can’t reset. Last, we don’t believe in our selves or our ability to achieve what we want.”
One of the major problems related to this feeling is best summarized by Pastor Rob Bell. As he wrote, “Despair is a spiritual condition. It’s the belief that tomorrow will just be like today.” And this is the strangle hold that hopelessness places on us. It makes us think, and sometimes believe, that the situation today is permanent and will never end. In essence, we come to believe that tomorrow will be the same as today, a never ending cycle of frustration, hopelessness, and despair.
Yet, I am reminded of the words of Maya Angelou when coaching some one during such hard times: “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” This choice, to not be reduced by our challenges, takes tremendous courage and discipline. It is not a “one and done” situation, but a daily practice to keep reframing what is happening before us as leaders.
As an executive coach, I have found one line of exploration that has been very helpful during hard times. I discovered it in Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall’s book called Nine Lies About Work: A Freethinking Leader’s Guide to the Real World (Harvard Business Review Press, 2019.) As they write, “… go to the past… When you had a problem like this in the past, what did you do that worked? What do you already know you need to do? What do you already know works in this situation?” This line of questioning and the resulting reflection has generated many new insights and practical solutions. It helps us remember that we have seen hard times before, and that we have found a path through these times. And that is what the best leaders do. They move forward, because they understand that it is part of their job as a leader.
These same leaders do one other thing. They always do their own work first. They make time to share. They make time to reflect. They make time to understand more about themselves and their choices. In essence, they make time to listen, learn, and lean in to the challenges before them. And by doing this deep inner work over time, they restore a sense of perspective about how to proceed even in the midst of their feelings.
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