In a world dominated by twenty-four hour news coverage, endless e-mails, countless text messages, plus frequent social media postings, our lives can so easily be defined by a constant cycle of reactivity. We are drowning in information and up-to-the-minute inputs, making it harder and harder to think clearly. Most days, we are living the Red Queen Principle, namely running faster and faster to just stay in the same place. The outcome is a convergence of exhaustion, burnout, and feeling overwhelmed.
Yet, in the midst of this cycle of reactivity, I think we can choose a different pathway, one that is built on wholeness over fragmentation, clarity over control, integrity over popularity, and stillness over speed. To find this new pathway, we need to explore words that are not common to the digital era, a time period focused on speed, data, and the latest in information technology. These specific words feel like they are from a different century, a simpler and less complex time period. To tap into this wisdom, we need to begin talking about, and exploring the meaning of the following words: integrity, authenticity, sincerity, character, and compassion.
For example, “The word integrity … comes from the Latin word integer, which simply means ‘intact’,” writes Martha Beck in her book, The Way of Integrity: Finding The Path To Your True Self (The Open Field/A Penguin Life Book, 2021). As she explains, “To be in integrity is to be one thing, whole and undivided…. [it reflects a] complete alignment of body, mind, heart, and soul.” Given today’s complexities and challenges, it would be good to once again focus on living a life of integrity where alignment can result in wholeness.
For me, the two words I think we need to explore in greater depth right now are character and compassion. Pastor A.R. Bernard writes, “Without character, talent will only take you so far.” In the dictionary, character is defined as “the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.” On the surface, this seems like a simple concept to grasp.
Yet, when I read this basic definition, I am reminded of something the late Joan Didion, an American author and one of the pioneers of New Journalism, wrote: “Character - the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life - is the source from which self-respect springs.” I would add to her deep insight that character is not only the source from which self-respect springs, but also the foundation for self-help, self-knowledge, and the gateway to compassion.
First, we need to understand the difference between self-help and self-knowledge. The former is being able to achieve something on one’s own. In our society today, there is a major focus on being independent. One can do everything via on-line resources from ordering clothes, meals, and cleaning supplies to watching movies and other forms of entertainment, all within the comfort of our home. There is no need to engage with anyone in person or within a community.
The later, self-knowledge, is defined as having an understanding of oneself or one’s own motive or character. This requires an individual to have self-awareness, i.e. an awareness of one’s feelings, motivation and abilities. Rather than being a static state of understanding, this is a dynamic and constantly evolving definition of self.
To achieve this level of understanding, one often needs to engage in thoughtful dialogue with others and to give and receive feedback during the process. Through this interactive process, we learn more about how we see ourselves, how others see us, and how we want others to see us. This is not an easy process, but it is an important process.
The late Stephen Covey grasped this understanding when he wrote: “Building character strength is like building physical strength. When the test comes, if you don’t have it, no cosmetics can disguise the fact that it just isn’t there. You can’t fake it. It takes strength to set a heroic goal, to work on chronic problems instead of going for the ‘quick fix,’ to stay with your commitments when the tide of popular opinion turns against you.”
I believe we do not talk enough about the importance of character. We need to gather in groups and unpack the definition of the word, and then openly discuss the difference between self-help and self-knowledge, independence and interdependence, self-awareness and self-understanding. This is the pathway to powerful learning, and ultimately clarity. And I believe it is time we begin to do this work collectively if we are seeking wholeness over fragmentation.
Furthermore, it is time for us to explore the connection between character and compassion. Recognizing that character is the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s life, referencing the earlier quote by Joan Didion, we can then turn to the writings of Brene’ Brown in her book, Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience (Random House, 2021). As she explains, “Compassion is the daily practice of recognizing and accepting our shared humanity so that we treat ourselves and others with loving-kindness, and we take action in the face of suffering.” She continues, “Compassion is fueled by understanding and accepting that we’re all made of strength and struggle - no one is immune to pain or suffering. Compassion is not a practice of ‘better than’ or ‘I can fix you’ - it’s a practice in the beauty and pain of shared humanity.”
When we accept responsibility for our own life and embrace the aforementioned definition of compassion, we are on the right pathway to wholeness over fragmentation, clarity over control, integrity over popularity, and stillness over speed. For in the definition of both words is the foundation for understanding that we have and will continue to have something we both share, namely shared joy and shared suffering. As Brown notes, “Compassion, on the other hand, recognizes the suffering of another as a reflection of our own pain: ‘I understand this; I suffer in the same way.’ It is empathetic, a mutual connection with the pain and sorrow of life. Compassion is shared suffering.”
Whether it is shared joy, namely the union of deep spiritual connection, happiness, and appreciation, or our shared suffering as described above, each requires us to accept the responsibility for our life and to seek to create a better life. And, at the exact same time, we must be responsible to treat ourselves and others with loving-kindness, and to take action in the face of our shared suffering.
For when I meet people of strong character and people who show great compassion, I am moved and inspired. I am grateful for their presence in my life, and that our paths have crossed at this time period. I also experience a feeling of reverence for the moments we share together. In particular, I am moved by the depth and meaningfulness of our connection, but also by the recognition that there is something greater than ourselves that is present and influencing all that is taking place.
In a world where people are more preoccupied with their own screens and self-image rather than their community and their service to it, we need to study, teach, and dialogue more about the importance of character and compassion. We need people of all ages to sit down together, and to share about their lives, and their challenges. We need to once again share our stories, and collectively explore what is important to us. Within these simple, honest, and safe spaces, we can come together and reclaim our shared humanity and our shared suffering.
And in the process, we will discover and reclaim our wholeness, clarity, integrity, and inner stillness. We also will build a community that can rise to meet the challenges of this generation and help others with the challenges of the next. As Margaret Wheatley wrote many years ago, “There is no power for change greater than a community discovering what it cares about.” Let us do this work together and do it with great depth of character and compassion.
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