Introduction
When I first began this journey, I was not trying to grow a business. I was mostly focus on making ends meet for my family. We had bills to pay and I had a role in providing for them.
In the beginning, I had grand ideas like leading a trip to China, hiking along the bottom of the Grand Canyon, or taking a group to Santa Fe. They were big ideas, but, in the end, no one signed up or was willing to pay. I needed to refocus.
One of the most important and powerful gifts my wife gave me was a nautilus shell cut in half so I could see the inner pattern, a spiral moving out from the center. She told me to grow my business one chamber at a time. Dreaming big was fine, but growing the business locally, one relationship at a time, was where to begin. It was a transformational moment that I have carried with me for 30+ years.
Focus On Building Relationships
Being a self-employed, consultant, executive coach and trainer is an interesting pathway. I have witnessed many people walk the same path and struggle. Some focus on the products they offer and others focus on the knowledge they will provide. Some even profess to have the right formula to solve everything.
In my journey, I did not have the products or the secret knowledge to solve all problems. I did have one thing, namely the ability to listen, to share, and to build relationships. The best leaders I know and the best consultants I have met all understand that the work we are doing is happening within a relationship economy. And the goal is to build genuine relationships.
As a result, I visit now with many people over the course of each month. They come from all walks of life. They come with many different perspectives. I value this part of the work.
Years ago, I read an article about Princess Diana, and an interesting choice she made each day. At the end of the day, she would sit down and think about all the people she had visited that day. And then, she would write a thank-you note to quite a few of them. She focused on something specific that they shared and was grateful for the interaction.
I have done this for many decades. I start each morning reviewing who I saw the day before and then I write them a note. Sometimes, I share some follow-up thoughts and other days I just thank them for listening to me, or for sharing with me. In the beginning, these were hand written notes. Now they are e-mails.
The focus of this communication is on being present to the relationship and being genuinely appreciative of the connection. I have received some of these notes myself, and I can always tell when the note is per functionary and just one more thing checked off a list. The goal is heart felt authenticity.
Find You Voice, Own You Knowledge, & Keep Learning
“If you haven’t read hundreds of books, learning from others who went before you, you are functionally illiterate - you can’t coach and you can’t lead.” - Jim Mattis
In the beginning, I taught stress management seminars for nurses. It was part of their nursing continuing education process so they could maintain their license. I didn’t know much about nursing, but I did know a lot about being stressed out and ultimately burned out. I even knew a few things about recovery.
So, when I stood up in front of a group or sat down with someone at a one to one level, I shared my knowledge and a lot about my experiences. It was from the heart more than from an academic framework. I shared the nexus of my personal experience and what I had learned from others.
Finding my voice was not easy but it was important. I didn’t know everything about the psychology or physiology around stress management. I just knew how it felt when I was overwhelmed, stressed out, or burned out. Starting from my own inner clarity and blending what I had learned from others and numerous good books, I could expand my perspective and share more holistically. It was a constant process of new beginnings.
But people routinely ask me how I got from teaching stress management for continuing education credits for nurses to leadership, strategic planning and organizational change. First, all the people who kept coming back to the seminars and workshops were people in healthcare who held leadership, management, and supervisory positions. Second, the source of their stress revolved around three specific subjects, namely leadership, strategic planning and organizational change.
The interesting element was that these three subjects really interested me. I was deeply curious about them because I had experienced great leadership and poor leadership, great planning and very poor planning, great changes and complete messes.
So, I started to listen to people very carefully about what was and what was not working. I shared my own lessons learned about working on teams, planning and communication, but mostly I listened a lot and read. I approached it as if I was in college or graduate school. I read everything I could get my hands on. I just read and read and read. I also took notes on everything I read, too.
Then, I did something that I realized later no one else was doing. Every time I visited with someone in a management or leadership position, I asked them the same question: “Read any good books recently?” What fascinated me was that they were all reading books on their own, and often the same titles. I then would go out and read these books. And after taking notes on them, I would go to the back of the book and see if there were any recommended readings, or if they cited other books as foundational to their book. Over time, I amassed a collection of good books and good articles. They created a framework for me to share my own experiences, explain certain ideas, and share the wisdom of others. In short, the more I read and the more I spoke, the more I found my voice, and owned my knowledge. And I was wise enough to stay humble along the way, and just keep reading.
Find Your Kitchen Table Cabinet
Consulting can be a lonely profession even if you are part of a group. As a self-employed person working from home, I had no team around me. I just had family and they needed me to be a dad and a husband more than a consultant and executive coach.
So, over the course of many years, I started building relationships with people outside of work who could offer me perspective, share insights, and ask great questions. I called this group my Kitchen Table Cabinet.
They are individuals from a wide range of backgrounds, ages and professions. The key for me is whether they can listen well, share openly, explore ideas creatively, ask insightful questions, and role model constant learning. Once I found someone who fit this category, I invested time and energy into the relationship. They are important people in my life circle.
For me, these people are not family. I separate family and business as best I can. I have a great life partner who does all of the above and many family members who do likewise. We are connected at the personal and private levels. My Kitchen Table Cabinet are people who I connect with at the professional level and at times the personal level. In short, I need both groups in my life, good professional friends and great family connections.
Be True To Yourself & Live A Good Life
Finally, in the beginning and for many years, I struggled with maintaining the balance between work and home. I kept trying to frame it up as a balancing process and it never felt balanced.
Then, one day I was visiting with a farming friend of mine and he talked about farming as a way of life, a choice to live in a certain way. He acknowledged that there are business aspects to farming, but that living a good life was more important than many other things.
I realized at that point that my life had drifted into a series of check lists with work being the center of every list. And over time, I was a starting to loose my connection with the ones I loved and the life I wanted to live.
This was a wake-up call on many levels. I needed to not make work the focus of all I did. Instead, I needed to be true to myself and what was most important to me in my life. When I did this and made time for this, the other pieces fell into place.
Over time, the business grew and I grew. The relationships became meaningful and the outcomes became successful. In essence, I discovered that living a good life and being true to my core values and beliefs was a great foundation for living and working. I choose to live a good life and along the way I created a marvelous 36 year journey of being self-employed as a consultant, executive coach and trainer in the fields of leadership, strategic planning and organizational change.
Simple Is Never Easy
One of the most interesting elements of this decades long journey is that all of the above sounds pretty simplistic, if not quite easy. All we need to do is a little bit of this and a little bit of that, and then we will become a successful consultant. How I wish that was the case.
What I have learned over time and through many challenging experiences is that what appears simple is never easy. The positive outcomes we seek take great discipline and attention. It is never a one and done effort. Instead, it is a on-going commitment to the fundamentals. When we focus on building authentic relationships, finding our voice, owning our knowledge, and being committed to life-long learning, we create a foundation for sustainable living and working. When we find our Kitchen Table Cabinet and then commit to maintaining and deepening these key relationships, we are choosing a pathway to being true to ourself and to the ones we love. In time and with a disciplined commitment to these fundamentals, we will live a good life, and can make a positive difference in the world. And that is the sole purpose of this great journey we call life.
© Geery Howe 2022
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