So, how’s the rest of your life going?

He had been referred to me for executive coaching by his senior executive, a person I had known and worked with for 15+ years. We were to discuss team building, communication, and goal setting.

When the appointed day and time arrived, he called me and we dived into the topics with great gusto. He was interested and asked good questions. He listened well and was genuinely intrigued by my perspective on these subjects. 

As we started to wrap up our one hour phone visit, I asked him the following question.

“So, how is the rest of your life going?”

He paused and replied, “This subject is not part of this coaching session. Furthermore, you would never ask my boss that kind of question.”

I replied, “OK. Let’s pause here. Do you know your boss’s cell phone number?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Please call him right now, and ask him if I ever ask him the question, ‘So, how is the rest of your life going?’. I will wait here while you call him.”

He hung up and I waited. 

A few minutes later, he called me back.

“I apologize for my response. This is unbelievable. You not only ask him how his life is going. You have met his wife, gone out to dinner with them, and discussed the subject of leadership and organizational change. You have even met his kids. He also said that every year you ask him if he has scheduled his annual physical. You tell him to do this for his family and for his team.”

There was a long pause and then he continued.

“The rest of my life is barely OK. I am burning the candle at both ends. I leave before the kids are up and often get home after they are in bed. My wife is upset with me about the pace of work. I sleep poorly and I am constantly worried. Do you think I should schedule a physical?”

“Yes, I do.”

“I haven’t had one since my high school football physical, and that was a very long time ago.”

“Becoming a leader,” I explained, “who can build and maintain a strong team is hard work. Communicating clearly with this team takes great thought and attention. Setting goals that are actually owned and understood by those who will have to execute them takes time and patience. Burning out is not a good choice personally or professionally. So, yes to the physical, and yes to reprioritizing your life so you do not win at work and lose at home.”

“I like that idea,” he replied. “Let’s schedule another time to visit and I will get things lined up on this end to be checked out by my doctor.”

Three weeks later, he called in for his executive coaching session. As always, I started by asking a question, “What’s going right?”

With great enthusiasm, he replied, “Lots! I went to my doctor and had a physical. I learned that my cholesterol was so high that I was in serious danger of a major heart attack. I am glad we caught that before it changed everything.”

He continued, “I sat down with my wife and we had a big conversation about my work habits and focus. We are rebuilding our family life. And I sat down with my team and we discussed the pace of change and what was realistic. This led into an important discussion about team work and goal setting.”

For the next 45 minutes, we explored leadership, team work, and goal setting at a greater depth than before. As we started to wrap up our one hour phone call, he paused and said, “You didn’t ask me how the rest of my life is going.”

“You are right,” I responded. “So, how is the rest of your life going?”

“Much better. Thanks for asking.”

As we hung up, I thought of a comment by Kevin Cashman from years ago who pointed out that if you want to become a better leader, you have to become a better person. Leadership is not just a work thing. It is a whole life thing and the journey to becoming a better leader is worth every step of the process.

So, how is the rest of your life going?

It is time to answer the question.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

Running Fast and Faster

People are burning out on a regular basis these days, and it is having a deep cost to them, their major relationships and their families. More and more marriages are at, or near the breaking point. It reminds me of the Red Queen Principle, namely people running faster and faster just to keep up with where they are right now. Clearly, more and more people are operating at capacity. They keep adapting and adjusting, hoping that every thing will not break at once.

One unique solution to this situation is to give yourself permission to de-accelerate as much as to accelerate. Many leaders can not work any harder, faster or more efficiently. Their bandwidth is full. It is time for us to recognize the importance and value of creating de-acceleration zones in our life.

For me, when I find I am running fast and then faster I have to consciously plan to do activities that help me de-accelerate. These include perennial flower gardening, listening to great music while cooking, going to the movies with my wife, or reading a good book. By giving myself permission to do these things, and by making time on my calendar to do these things, I find a greater sense of balance and focus. I am not overwhelmed and can work better.

This week, rediscover your de-acceleration zones.  Then, give yourself permission to go out and enjoy them.

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257

Work/Life Balance

I was visiting with a young leader the other day when they commented to me that they proactively scanned eight different news sources on a regular basis over the course of a day to keep up with what was going on. I paused and wondered how many I scanned to stay on top of what was happening. With a bit of reflection, I realized that I monitor seven to nine different news sources depending on what is going on at any given time period.

As some of you know, I am a lark rather than an owl. I was born at dawn and have been a morning person ever since. Yet, I have worked with people who wake up between 3:00 pm and 4:00 pm and really get pumped by 10:00 pm. These are not just night nurses and third shift people. They are folks who are wired to kick in at a different level and at a different time than me. They become engaged when I am thinking of going to bed.

But what makes this world of leadership so interesting and complex right now is not the constant internet scanning or the constant working around the clock as much as how many people in leadership positions are in constant motion and constantly drained. Recently, I have had more executives take me aside in seminars or ask in private executive coaching sessions how to create more work/life balance. Many report to me that they feel like adrenaline junkies, addicted to fixing everything at work and at home, and never having the time or the energy to care for themselves.

With this issue in mind, I think we all need to pause, take a deep breath and reread the following article: “The Uncompromising Leader” by Russell A. Eisenstat, Michael Beer, Nathaniel Foote, Tobias Freberg, and Flemming Norrgren in the July-August 2008 issue of the Harvard Business Review. I wrote a review of this article back on September 9, 2008, http://www.chartyourpath.com/Rec-Read-09-09-08.html. As the authors explain, their in-depth research into high-commitment, high-performance (HCHP) CEOs reveals they several shared traits: “These CEOs earn the trust of their organizations through their openness to the unvarnished truth. They are deeply engaged with their people, and their exchanges are direct and personal. They mobilize employees around a focused agenda, concentrating on only one or two initiatives. And they work to build collective leadership capabilities.” As they continue, “These leaders also forge an emotionally resonant shared purpose across their companies. That consists of a three-part promise: The company will help employees build a better world and deliver performance they can be proud of, and will provide an environment in which they can grow.”

One element within this article that I did not share in the review was a wonderful section on how HCHP CEO’s keep their work in perspective. As the above authors note, “First, while many [CEOs] reported great camaraderie with the members of their senior leadership teams, they were also careful to maintain enough personal distance to avoid favoritism.” They explained that this was very important to CEOs promoted from within an organization because as a senior leader they would need to make “tough personnel decisions for the good of the institution concerning colleagues with whom they shared decades of experience.”

Next, based on the research by the above authors, they write that “despite long hours on the job, HCHP leaders devoted considerable energy to maintaining full lives outside work. Many of the CEOs were deeply involved with their families and their communities and credited these activities with giving them perspective on their work.” I, too, have noticed this element with leaders who maintain a healthy work/life balance. I particularly notice the best executives have 1-2 things or causes that they are involved in which they are passionate about over time. I believe this gives them something to look forward to when work is not going so well.

Finally, the above authors write that “it helps to have a sense of humor. HCHP leaders tended not to take themselves or their positions too seriously.” The best I have seen are just ordinary people in extra-ordinary positions.

In short, the article explains that HCHP leaders can manage people, performance and shareholder expectations by doing something that looks simple but is not easy. As they explain, “In the end, the answer lies not just in what these leaders do but in how they go about their work.” This week and this spring, I encourage you to reflect on how you go about your work. It will help as you seek more work/life balance.

Geery Howe, M.A.Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer inLeadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational ChangeMorning Star Associates319 - 643 - 2257