A long time ago, Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274), an Italian Dominican friar and priest, wrote the following statement:
“Whatever is received is received according to the manner of the receiver.”
I believe that many leaders, and for that matter, many people are focused on sending their message. For them, the message once sent, in what ever form such as spoken, e-mail, text, vlog, etc., equals message received and message understood. I don’t know how many times over the course of my career I have heard a leader say “I told them, but they did not listen.”
At the same time, I do not think most originators of the message, whatever position they are in or whatever season of life they are in, ever think about the manner of the receiver. Instead, they are focused on defining and releasing the message, more than the receiving and understanding of the message on the other end. In short, the spoken word, the written e-mail or a text message, once sent, is done and no longer their responsibility. Then, the sender of the message is on to the next thing on their list.
However, if they want to be a good communicator, especially a good and effective leader, then the moment after the message is sent becomes very important. This is the moment when they should be even more focused, because this is the moment when success or failure of communication actually happens.
Yet, we are really fickle people, who rarely pause to give this critical space in communication much thought, let alone time or attention. We merrily move forward believing that we have nailed it when it comes to communication. We perceive ourselves to be brilliant communicators and that everything we say and do makes total sense to everyone around us. Shutter to think that we may have messed up. The message was sent. The problem lies with the receiver rather than the sender. The problem is not with our thinking and sharing. Instead, it is with their attention and interpretation. So, off we go into the wild blue yonder, thinking about the next thing on our list of “to dos.”
But, I have met leaders who do not follow this trajectory. They actually know that speaking and writing, communicating and understanding is, at best, a convoluted process with minimal success, even on our good days. They recognize that just because we said something or wrote something is, by no means of our own effort, actually going to amount to something more than a hill of beans.
So, these unique leaders do something so small and insignificant that most people miss it. But when they do it and when they do it well, then all involved are impressed. And what do they actually do that separates them from the rest of the pack? They send a message and then ask some simple but deeply profound questions, such as “Does that make sense to you?”, “Do you understand what I am saying?”, or “What do you think about all of this?”.
In simple terms, they are focused on the message they are sending, and at the exact same time, they are concerned about the manner of the receiver. They want to know what the listener or receiver thinks about it all. They want to know the receiver’s understanding or lack thereof. They want to know because they care that the receiver actually receives the message and understands the message. It is more than just the receiving the sounds of the spoken word or is more than just a message sent back to the sender that said “delivered” or “read.” The goal is not awareness, but actually understanding.
Thus, the best communicators, and the best leaders, work hard on their messages and they are focused on the person receiving it. In particular, they are focused on having a relationship with the receiver based on trust, dignity, and respect. They get that this is the first form of communication, and that the second form is speaking, e-mailing, or text messaging. With the former being the beginning, then the later becomes a successful outcome.
While Thomas Aquinas lived over 750+ years ago, his message transcends time and space. It is a powerful statement and an important insight. It could have been written yesterday, because it so applicable to today’s world. Lucky for us someone wrote it down and then passed it on generation after generation . For us here today, we now have the opportunity to pause, think, reflect, plus learn from this wisdom.
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