Invest In Relationships
Most young leaders and managers have not figured out that there is a relationship economy within their company. It is not just what you got done that matters. It is who you work with to make it happen and how those involved feel about the relationship that makes a difference. Too many times, I was brought in as a consultant to figure out why a team or department was struggling only to find out that the person in a leadership or management position focused on control over healthy relationships with others. The result was a loss of trust and ultimately the ability to solve problems in a collaborative manner.
As Admiral William H. McRaven (U.S. Navy Retired) wrote in his book, The Wisdom Of The Bullfrog: Leadership Made Simple (But Not Easy) (Grand Central, 2023), “You can’t surge trust.” As he explained, “Engage with your employees on a personal level to show them you are a leader of good character, a trustworthy individual…. Know that trust is built over time. Don’t rush it.”
Yet, too many young leaders and managers frame up the subject of trust as a “one and done” exercise. They do a trust building exercise during a meeting, or they do some other sort of other activity, and then believe that trust has been built. What I often point out when coaching young leaders and managers is that many things about leadership can only become true in the doing of it, rather than just the talking about it. Same goes in relationship management. While our words matter, our past actions always precede the spoken word. As Richard Rohr reminds us, “It is in the doing not the saying that matters.”
Therefore, when we invest in relationships, such as ones above us with senior leaders, or below us with direct reports, and even sideways with colleagues, we build a network of potential allies and confidents, who can assist us as we solve problems, gain new insights, or institute a new level of continual improvement. Healthy relationships make a major difference for all involved.
Create Good Jobs And Meaningful Work
Some days young leaders and managers become so focused on wanting everything to get done and to be predictable and orderly in the process that they forget something very important, namely that people want to work in a good job, and they want to do meaningful work. They also want to be involved and committed to making a difference, and to make progress each and every day at work.
Therefore, we need to help young leaders understand the pros and cons of their on-going desire and hope for order and predictability. While this may be the ideal, it is not always the reality of everyday operational work. Employees, on the other hand, want to have a good job, namely one that pays them fairly for the work they are dong, to be part of a healthy team, and to have a supervisor that builds on their unique strengths. Furthermore, we, as leaders and managers, need to give people reasons for experiencing joy and meaning at work, which are often the signs of a good job.
As Mike Ross explains, “Work means so much in our society.” And most employees have settled for just going to work and doing what ever needs to get done. But few have the experience of participating in something at work that really makes a difference, i.e. something that challenges them in a meaningful way and changes the lives of those whom they serve.
Furthermore, our daily, work experiences impact our sense of self and provides, or does not provide, meaning in our lives. This working environment in combination with the actual work itself can determine if a job is a “good job” or “not a good job.” Our hope and desire as leaders and managers is that people feel like they are working in a good job. And that they are working with good coworkers, too.
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us,” writes Ralph Waldo Emerson. And what lies within each of us is the desire to want to do a good job and to be recognized in a positive manner for the hard work we do each day. This social contract between employees and their supervisors is critical to success. It helps employees deal with the current cognitive complexity within the work environment and respects the importance of good jobs and meaningful work. While young leaders and managers can not control everything, they can focus on creating a healthy work environment and productive work experiences so all involved can feel like they have a good job and are making a positive difference over time.
See Employees As Whole People
Given the importance of creating good jobs and meaningful work, we need to challenge young leaders and managers to see their direct reports as whole people. The truth of the matter is that we do not know our employees as well as we think we do. Every one of them has way more going on in their lives than just their jobs. For some, just getting to work on time is a major accomplishment given what is happening in the rest of their lives before and after work.
Yet, many young leaders and managers do not see the whole person. They mostly focus on whether or not someone is a “problem” or “not a problem”. This choice has short and long term consequences. As Sky Nelson-Issacs, a theoretical physicist who focuses on flow and synchronicity at work and in life, notes, “A filter is anything that reduces something that is whole to a subset of its wholeness.” As a result, when a direct report or other employee is defined as a “problem,” they are quickly moved into a category of “they are not like us,” or framed up as someone who is not a part of us. Then, because of this choice, the individual in question is not seen as part of the team, i.e. they do not fit in with the norms of the team or the company. They also are not regarded as a colleague or partner in the work that needs to get done. In short, we frame up this person as a problem, and blame them as a person. We rarely separate the person from the behaviors and the choices they have made.
Furthermore, when we do not see people as whole, we create another problem. When it comes to our own choices and actions, we recognize that we are imperfect, have flaws, and occasionally make mistakes. Still, we believe our intentions are good. But when we do not see others as whole, we assume that their intentions and actions are based on incorrect assumptions or information, resulting in them being a “problem employee.” This is not something we would do when it comes to ourselves. They, the person, is the problem. However, when we make mistakes or struggle, we always give ourselves a bit of grace. We do not frame ourselves as “the problem.”
As a result, seeing employees as whole people is a challenge for young leaders and managers. Many of them have shared with me that they get the concept, but do not know how to translate it into action. The first step is to remember this bit of advice from Pope Francis, “A Shepard should smell like his sheep.” Admiral William H. McRaven, (U.S. Navy Retired), translated this perspective into some very specific actions. First, you need to “share the hardships with your employees. You will gain their respect and learn about yourself as a leader.” Second, you need to “share the camaraderie. Let the employees see you having fun (within reason). They want to know that their leader is human as well.” Third, you need to “listen to the rank and file. They have solutions to most of the problems you struggle with.” The combination of all these simple, but not easy actions, is that you build a relationship with your direct reports based on trust, clarity, and results.
Furthermore, we need to recognize that we all struggle some days and we all need support. We even can be problematic when confronting change, innovation, or adaptive problems. Still, we must help young leaders and managers embrace the idea so well stated by Michelangelo: “inside every block of stone or marble dwells a beautiful statue.” When we grasp that everyone is doing their best and are whole people, including their flaws, imperfections, mistakes, then we can build on their strengths and help them to become the “beautiful statue” in spite of these difficulties. It all begins with seeing them as whole people, and respecting them as whole people.
To be continued on Friday.
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