As an executive coach, I have met leaders from many different companies, and from many different levels within a company. Some are experienced and some are beginners. Each one is seeking help and new insights about how to lead people through complex and adaptive, organizational change.
In the beginning, I have to remind all of them of something that Larry Perlman, retired Chairman & CEO of Ceridian, wrote many years ago: “Leadership is not about learning theory. It’s about finding out how you are going to bring yourself into your work and into your life to make a contribution.” While learning theory and understanding theory is important, there is a deeper level of work that needs to take place if one seeks to become a very good leader. This deeper level of work does not happen overnight. It is a long term commitment to core ideas, behaviors, and principals. It takes great discipline and effort. And, if one sticks to it, it is a marvelous journey with amazing outcomes at work and in life.
To help new and old leaders on their journey, I routinely share with them four key quotes. Each reflects a critical idea about the work and the journey of leadership. What follows are these four quotes and some unpacking of what they mean from my perspective as someone who has been coaching leaders for 35+ years.
Quote #1: “You can’t change the company without changing yourself.” - Charles Fishman
One of the first things leaders need to understand is that their desire to change the company is built on their ability to change themselves. One can not happen without the other. As Richard Farson noted many years ago, “Most often what gets organizations into trouble are faulty leadership styles, poor internal relationships, and managerial blind spots. The delusional hope of a troubled organization is that it will be saved without having to make changes in these highly personal areas.” And the first personal area that needs changing is us as leaders.
Nevertheless, most leaders focus on external change, namely company systems, structure, or strategy. They do not choose to work at the internal personal level of change, namely their mindset, behaviors, or skills. What we have to understand is that the work on the former is important and often necessary, but the success of this work is predicated on the depth of the later work.
When we choose to do the internal work, we are seeking to improve and often transform our mindset, behaviors, and skills. This is deep work at the character level, or one’s essential being level. This is not an overnight transformation, but instead it is an on-going commitment. It is the movement from being unaware of our choices and mindset to an awareness, and ultimately and an understanding about how we live, work, and interact with others. It is disciplined work that requires allies and confidants to aid and assist us in the process.
As one moves forward on this journey of internal work, I am reminded of something David White, an Irish poet, once wrote: “Our language is not large enough for the territory in which we have entered.” One of the biggest challenges is that we struggle to find the words to describe what is happening within us on this pathway to personal transformation. And, at the exact same time, we struggle to find the right words or concepts to describe what we want to do as a leader on the company level. This is where our allies and confidants, people who we trust and are experienced, can helps us.
Recognizing the importance and the depth of the work it takes to change one’s self, I think we also must understand what a company is before we change it. In simple terms, a company is a collection of ideas, choices, and experiences, the sum of which can generate great outcomes, meaning, and clarity. At the heart of an effective company is an-going, and mission critical, interplay of dialogue and dialectic, where all involved seek to create a worthwhile balance between the possible and the potential, the mission and the vision.
The success of this interplay between dialogue and dialectic happens when leaders understand the difference between these two key concepts. A dialogue is an on-going conversation between two or more people where an exchange of ideas and opinions takes place. One purpose of a dialogue is to share, define, and create clarity. It is a small group, safety zone built on a foundation of mutual respect. It is a time to slow down, listen, think, share, and reflect.
An effective dialogue is based on the recognition that words matter. They influence clarity and, ultimately, alignment within the company. Thus, during a time of dialogue, we need to explore and unpack the words and phrases we are using in order to create better understanding, and better choices over time.
Furthermore, these meaningful conversations that take place during dialogue depend on our willingness to forget neat thoughts, clear categories, and narrow roles. Instead, we must accept that dialogue is messy, powerful, and requires all involved to focus on speaking clearly and listening respectfully. As the late Stephen Covey wrote many years ago, “Real listening shows respect. It creates trust. As we listen, we not only gain understanding; we also create the environment to be understood. And when both people understand, both perspectives, instead of being on opposite sides of the table looking across at each other, we find ourselves on the same side looking at solutions together.” The outcome of dialogue is understanding and healthier relationships.
Dialectic, on the other hand, is a systematic discussion where opposed or contradictory ideas are explored and resolved in order to find common ground and/or a common truth. For example, one could state the following: “It is spring and it is snowing.” Both can be true and contradictory at the exact same time. During dialectic interactions, we learn how to focus on the “Genius of the AND”, referencing a term by Jim Collins and Jerry Porras in their book, Built To Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies (HarperBusiness, 1994). As they note, for example, “A visionary company doesn’t simply balance between idealism and profitability; it seeks to be highly idealistic and highly profitable.” This is where and why the dialectic interaction is as important as a time of dialogue. Both generate clarity and the capacity to change the company.
However, the first step is that we need to be willing and able to do the internal, personal and professional work of changing ourself. As Kevin Cashman noted years ago, “Leader get what they exhibit and what they tolerate.” We need to role model personal and professional change as we engage in the interplay of dialogue and dialectic on the company level.
Quote #2: “We don’t see things as they are. We see things as we are.” - Anais Nin
Each of us, as a leaders, believes that we see things as they are, and that we are objective. However, the truth of the matter is that we do not have a clear and objective understanding of the reality around us, and we are not free from biases, conscious or unconscious. Instead, we have to recognize that our perspective on issues and problems influences our understanding. Furthermore, our history, our weaknesses, our strengths, our defaults, and our biases are impacting everything we do. Thus, we must not believe everything we think, even if we think we are right and totally clear.
For that reason, our first choice is to embrace something William Shakespeare wrote many years ago: “The eye sees all, but the mind shows us what we want to see.” Therefore, we must start with an internal awareness of what we believe, what we feel, and what we think before moving to an external choice based on what is happening around us. Self-awareness is always the precursor to right action.
Furthermore, we must focus on what is actually happening around us rather than what we want to be happening. We must come to understand that people are doing the best they can with the information they have. Thus, we must be more empathic and seek to understand better what and how other people are seeing things, understanding things, and defining things. Then, we must be open to changing our mind, not just changing their minds. This is the challenge of leadership, and it is the foundational work we must do as a leader in order to help people achieve positive outcomes.
Quote #3: “Sometimes just getting up and carrying on is brave and magnificent.” - Charlie Mackesy
When it comes to leading people through “the geography of change,” a term first coined by the Irish poet, John O’Donohue, most leaders have forgotten one important fact, namely that not everyone is starting at the same place and with the same level of engagement and urgency. In reality, most people are not aware that organizational change is taking place. They are just going to work each day and doing their jobs. Other people are aware of change and are beginning to move in that direction, but it will be quite awhile before they will fully engage in it. And there is a third group of people who have entered the geography of change. The interesting thing about this group is that many are completely lost and bewildered by this new land. For them, the geography of change feels like a trough of chaos. In short, everyone is busy and moving, but not always in the same direction and at the same time.
In addition, most leaders forget that these same people have whole lives, not just work lives. And what is happening in the rest of their life is just as important to them as what is happening in their work life. For some of these people, just getting up in the morning and going to work can be difficult and complicated. Still, if they do show up at work on time, it is a reflection of their commitment to keep moving forward even if the rest of their life is a struggle.
When good leaders understand this, they realize that the first step in any journey through the geography of change is to go where the people are, and to see the world from their perspective. Rather than proclaim “follow me” and start the process where they, the leader, are standing, good leaders start the journey where the followers are, and then proceed forward. For these leaders, they understand something Stephen Covey also wrote years ago: “… the journey and the destination are one.” For in the complex and dynamic geography of change, all involved are seeking two things, a sense of meaning and a sense of belonging. When the leader gets this, they realize that just getting up in the morning and carrying on with life is a brave and magnificent action.
Quote #4: “Life is a question and how we live it is our answer.” - Gary Keller
Every day, leaders deal with problems. Some are technical and some are adaptive. Some are even based on a crisis level situation. As soon as one problem gets solved, another problem shows up. They just keep coming and coming with no end in sight.
And we as leaders must prioritize the problems we confront. We also must figure out which problems may or may not be causing some other problems. Our analysis of causality is in constant flux as we receive new information, or determine that we are lacking accurate and timely information.
Moreover, all of these problems often get shared with us via a question. For example, some may ask us: What should we do about this?, How shall we proceed?, What is our strategy?, etc. Each of these questions reflect people’s understanding of the problems before them. Each of them, in one way or another, needs to be answered.
Likewise, we will have our own questions given their questions: What are the salient factors that need to be taken into consideration given what is happening?, What is the correct decision architecture to deploy?, What is our strategic intent?, What is the impact and precedent we may be setting because of our choices?, etc. In the end, we must come to understand that most decisions and our subsequent choices to solve these problems are all being impacted by multiple variables over which we have little, if any, influence or control.
As a result of all these problems and their related questions, there are days when decision fatigue is inevitable. Still, we must learn to live with the questions and with the problems. They are all part of life’s journey, at work and at home.
For in the end, I think there is one question, offered by Margaret Wheatley, that rises above all the other questions which a leader needs to answer: “Am I becoming someone I respect?” This is the question that transcends work and instead encompasses all of life. How we choose to live the answer is our legacy to those we work with, and to those we love and live with outside of work. The questions and problems will not go away. The answer to this one question is an important choice and we can make it each and every day.
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