Introduction
One morning, a very long time ago, I was eating breakfast and realized that I was done teaching high school history. I had accomplished all I had set out to do. Now, it was just a routine with little enthusiasm or interesting challenges. It was work and I wanted to be some place else.
As I reflected on this new found understanding, I realized that it had been coming for quite some time. I liked teaching, but the spark of creativity was no longer part of the teaching process. Instead, I was just pulling out old lesson plans, because it was just easier to do this than to create new ones. I was managing the classroom challenges with students, but I was not that interested in the content that much or who was in the classroom. I was teaching, but more and more it was just a transmission process, moving information from my head to their heads. And then giving them homework that mostly focused on how well they guessed what I was thinking. In short, it was unfulfilling for me and the students.
So, I finished out the school year and for lack of knowing what I wanted to do next, I returned to the trades. It was a safe choice, but not a good choice for me or our new family. I learned this one day when driving to work.
It started when I was driving west on I-80 in an old car that we had picked up when I was done teaching. All of a sudden, I heard a most unique noise outside the car. It wasn’t the engine, which always sounded rough. Instead, the sound was coming from outside the driver’s door. I rolled down the window and I could hear a loud slapping noise. It was like someone was beating on the side of the car. Given there was no place to pull over and the traffic was somewhat heavy, I continued driving and the noise got louder and louder.
Then, I saw what was happening. The side, ornamental trim on the car was pealing away from the car. And as it broke away from the car inch by inch, it would vibrate and then bang on the car. By the time I discovered this, there was a solid four feet piece of metal and vinyl trim banging away. I reached out the open car window and grabbed it. And just as I did this, the entire piece broke loose from the car. I had one hand on the steering wheel and the other was outside the car holding a six foot long metal and vinyl “spear.” Slowly, I fished it into the car and drove to work.
That evening, upon reflection, I realized that I was falling apart, piece by piece. My mind, body, social/emotional, and spiritual elements of my life were all fragmented. There was no unity at any level. The part falling off my car was a great metaphor for my life. I had rushed from a job where I knew I needed to move on and ended up in a new job where I felt even more stuck, lost, and not sure where to go next.
Furthermore, I also realized that I was living up to everyone else’s expectations. I was following their path for my life. I was living in the land of should and not stopping to pause, re-evaluate, and consider what was the right choice for me, my family, and my life at as a whole. In short, I had lost my life’s purpose. To move forward from this place of deep inner struggle, I needed to find clarity.
Rediscover Your Why And Your People
When the school year had ended, I finished cleaning up my classroom and I attended the normal mandatory, end of the school year staff meetings. I left teaching on a Tuesday and the next day I started working in the trades. There was no transition time and no chance to pause and catch my breath. Instead, I went from burned out to burned inside, namely feeling fragmented on the inside. Still, I pushed on for about sixty days, hoping things would get better inside and out.
Then, in mid-August, after a horrible nightmare related to work, I woke up and realized I just needed to stop pushing forward. With the support of my wife, I gave notice that morning. Soon afterwards, I was unemployed. I had no idea where I was going in my life and what to do next. I just knew that I was on the wrong path and needed to go home.
I took the first week of unemployment as “vacation” and spent quality time with my wife and our eleven month old son. I needed to get grounded in what was important in my life and with the people I loved and cared for the most. I needed to stop pushing forward and instead practice being present to the moment and the day.
To help me in this process, I decided to start each morning of my “vacation” writing. I would head up to the second floor of our home and put a fresh sheet of paper into my electric typewriter. Then, I would write a letter. Each day, it would start with “Dear God. This Geery….” And I would write until I had nothing left to say. Sometimes, this was for an hour or more, and other days it was for five minutes. The goal was to get my inner process out and on to a piece of paper. It was the starting place for me to rediscover my inner why, my inner truth, and my inner purpose. I can not say that I had a miraculous and brilliant moment of clarity during this time period. I mostly figured out what I did not want to do. I mostly grieved what I had lost, namely hope and clarity.
Over time and while doing various odd jobs, I came to understand that I needed to find allies and confidants who got me and understood my journey. I needed to build a circle of people who were natives, not just tourists in this land of inner struggle. And with faith and effort, I slowly found these key people. They became what I now call my kitchen table cabinet, a group of wise elders and support people who offer perspective and insights. With their guidance and unconditional support, I did rediscover a sense of clarity, my inner why and in time a renewed sense of purpose. It did not happen over night, but it did happen with the aid and support of others.
Find Your Passion
When I left teaching, I swore I would never set foot again in the classroom. “Wild horses could not drag me back to that place,” I often told friends. Still, I did like teaching. And upon reflection and after much writing, I did believe I had a knack for it. In particular, I loved the moment when someone, who was learning something new, put all the pieces together and shifted from awareness to understanding. The proverbial lightbulb moment was thrilling. And I was always intrigued by why it happened for one student but not for another.
As I expanded my circle of allies and confidants, more and more people suggested to me that I go back and get my masters degree. If it had been one person, I don’t know if I would have even considered this option. But when it became an emerging theme from multiple people who I respected and with whom I knew were not in conversation with each other, I started to consider it an interesting option. Finally, someone at church suggested I consider getting my masters degree in instructional design and technology, namely the art and science of designing learning experiences.
Now, some would think that this would have been the tipping point, and I would have gone racing back to the university to get another degree. However, I did not do this. Instead, I thought about what another degree would do for me down the road. In particular, I thought about what it would be like on the other side of the degree. As the late Stephen Covey wrote many years ago, “begin with the end in mind.” And I had to ponder how another university degree would change my life.
Over time, I realized that the degree would give me the language to teach things that I was interested in teaching and give me the ability to structure it in such a manner that made sense to myself and others. Furthermore, it had the possibility to answer the question of why one student had a light bulb moment and another did not.
With this realization and deep interest, I did find my tipping point when the person from church, who recommended the instructional design and technology masters degree, offered to be my advisor given he was a faculty member in the University of Iowa’s College of Education, and in particular a faculty member for this degree program. Years later, I have realized that this more likely would not have happened if I had not been actively expanding my circle of allies and confidants, and sharing more of my personal journey to find my inner why and purpose.
In the end, I did go for my masters degree and he did become my advisor, opening new doors for me as well as eliminating certain hurdles that got in my way. However, none of this could have been possible without me doing the work to figure out my passion and then digging deeply into what specifically within it was most interesting. And when I had this initial framework, I was able to build on this passion and turn it into a strength over time.
Seek More Meaning, Not Less Stress
One of the first seminars that I created and taught was called “Putting Out The Fire.” It focused on taking the burn out of burnout. The interesting thing that happened when I was teaching high school history and later when I was working in the trades again is that I was doing all sorts of stress management techniques to reduce my level of stress and burnout. And yet, I still burned out.
I realized over time that practicing techniques without an overall structure to the work and the proper mindset to guide the work was like trying to build a house without a blue print or vision. It was doable, but not very effective. Something would be created, but it would result in a lot of fragmentation and misalignments.
So, over the course of many years, I had to find an adaptive, holistic, and faith based mindset. I needed to practice healthy stress management techniques and I needed to do one other thing. Recognizing that I could not always control the things or people that were the source of the stress, I did, however, have the ability to make my life more meaningful.
When I discovered this insight, it helped me tremendously. First, I realized that I needed to stay in touch with the people in my life who made it more joyful and special. Next, I needed to engage in experiences that inspired me and uplifted my spirits when I was struggling or feeling stuck. Finally, I needed to spend time with my faith community as they helped put things into perspective, especially when I was struggling about what to do next.
The path to finding more meaning and less stress in one’s life is an eclectic one. It is not always clear cut and defined with road markers and signage. Still, the more you seek to build a meaningful life, the more you are able to discover it step by step. And this discovery is cumulative over time.
The Path Forward
Coming to the realization that you feel stuck and going no where is a difficult and painful place to be. No one wakes up one morning and wants to feel these feelings. Instead, we want our work and our lives to matter. We want to make progress on things that are meaningful. And we want to work with people who are kind, respectful, and supportive. But sometimes in life, we realize that we are stuck and going no where.
Then, with careful and thoughtful consideration, we must begin a journey to rediscover our why and our people. We must find our passion and create a life that is more meaning-filled, rather than just less stressful. And finally, we need to discover our purpose and live into our purpose. Then slowly, the path forward will unfold before us. When we choose to move forward with clarity and commitment, we will discover the new beginning we are seeking, and our lives and the loves of the ones we love will be richer for it.
© Geery Howe 2022
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