Introduction
“How did you know it was time?”, I asked.
We were sitting quietly in his office after he had just announced his retirement to the senior management team. Given his position, this news would travel very quickly throughout the company.
“There came a day,” he replied, “when I realized that things outside my office window were becoming more interesting than what was happening within my office and on my computer screen. Once I realized this, I knew it was time for me to move on.”
We both knew that his phone would be ringing off the hook soon with people congratulating him on his retirement. They also would be asking a thousand questions about what will happen next. Some questions he could answer and others he knew he would have no idea how to answer. Still, he would faithfully keep moving forward until his last day in the office.
There will be a point in every leader’s career when the decision about retirement will surface. Sometimes, it is the result of significant planning and forethought. Other times, people just wake up one day, and realize that now is the time to step aside. Either way, they know that transitioning out of their current position is the right choice.
Recognizing that retirement is a normal part of life’s journey, I want to share with you some insights I have gleaned from decades of helping people go through this transition.
Respect The Ending
Saying good-bye to a job, a team, and a career is a complex process. It is both an ending and a new beginning all at the same time. Clearly, it is an ending for those who are left behind, and it is an ending for someone who is retiring. It also is a new beginning for all involved. They will move forward without you, and you will move forward without them.
First, we need to respect this ending. It will come with all the normal stages of grief, which may include anger, bargaining, anxiety, sadness, disorientation, and depression. It will be an in-depth, emotional process, not just an intellectual exercise. So, be prepared for the emotions that will surface whether you like them or not.
Second, your work at the office will end one day and your official retirement will start the next day. Recognize that within the span of 24 hours a lot will take place on the outside, but the internal process of making such a transition will take much longer. In particular, you will have to learn how to let go of certain old ways of working, and let go of your definition of self that has been defined by work. This will again involve issues related to loss and grieving.
Third, when respecting this level of ending, it is important to define what is and what is not ending in your life. Treat the past with respect and be kind to yourself as you move through your first days, weeks, and months. Focus on the people and things that ensure continuity of what really matters in your life. Stay in touch with individuals and those networks of friends and family which have helped you stay balanced through previous major life transitions.
In short, when we choose to respect endings, we understand that we will be caught between what was and what will be. With adequate preparation, regular support, and inner clarity about your personal priorities, we can discover, over time, a new sense of purpose for our lives.
Receive Their Gratitude With Kindness
One of the challenges of retiring is that people want to thank-you and they want to say good-bye. The difficulty is that many people who are retiring do not want this level of attention. It makes them uncomfortable and it makes them have to confront how they feel, and how others feel about the whole thing.
While you may not need this, you have to recognize that it is important to those who will be left behind once you are gone. It is their form of closure. As we know, the funeral is not for the dead; it is for the living. It is the same with retirement parties, speeches, and gifts.
At this stage of the process, think through how you would like this time to be. Then, talk directly with your peers so it is a win/win experience rather than an uncomfortable experience. Most colleagues want to celebrate you in a positive manner and some thoughtful suggestions from you can help them as they plan.
Prepare Your Final Comments In Advance
I have been to many retirement parties in my career. Some are over the top and some are done quite tastefully. The ones that I appreciate the most include one important element, namely that the person retiring gives a short and well thought out speech.
This is not an Academy awards speech of thanking everyone and their mother and brother. Instead, the best retirement speeches focus on three important messages. First, the work we having been doing all these years together matters. Do not loose focus or hope about this. Second, what we accomplished reflected our ability to work well together as a team. Keep being a strong and healthy team no matter what the challenges are before the organization. And third, always help and support those who are at the beginning of their careers. Someone did this for you so you could get to the place of being the leader you are today. Help others reach their full potential.
Many of these speeches are 3-5 minutes in length and they are a powerful reminder to all present about what matters most in life and work. I strongly encourage you to think this through and prepare your thoughts in advance.
The Big Question
The most common question I get when coaching someone through the retirement process is the following: “What’s next? What am I going to do with myself the morning after I retire?” Some think the answer is to play more golf, travel to more places, spend more time with family, or even fish more. But at the end of the day, most leaders who are retiring don’t have a clue about what the next stage of life is going to be like. They are stumped, and thus the question, “What am I going to do with myself?”, is such an important one to answer.
I, myself, have struggled with this question. So, I sought out a friend and mentor of mine, who is in his mid-80’s, to get some fresh perspective on this whole thing.
After listening to my concerns, he shared the following: “It is a good question, but it is the wrong question because you can not answer the question until you have experienced retirement. I think the better question to start off with when you retire is “What do you want to learn?” For your entire career, your learning has mostly focused on work and work related projects. It has been time consuming and important. And the expectation from all of this learning was to generate an outcome. However, once you are retired, you can learn about anything that interests you and there does not need to be an outcome. You can just learn for the sake of learning. No deliverables and no measurement of progress or success. Now you can just be creative and learn for the joy of learning.”
It was a marvelous insight and extremely helpful. And now I am exploring all sorts of different subjects that interest me. Along the way, I am learning a lot about myself, and I am slowly figuring out what I will do with the newly opened time and space in my life and in my daily schedule.
Finding A New Definition Of Self
One of our challenges in retirement is to find a new definition of self. For so long, we have defined our life by our job title. When asked what we do, we answer, I am a CEO. I am an Executive Director. I am Senior Vice President. I am a Chief Financial Officer. I am Division Manager. All of these titles have been important to our definition of self. We worked hard to get to this level in the company. It reflects a lot of effort, commitment, and focus.
And on the morning after we retire, we are confronted by a new and more complex question: Who am I now? We could just say, I am a retired CEO, but this is a definition of self based on the past, not on today or moving forward into the future.
I have struggled with this until I realized that I could create a new definition. Now, when asked what I do, I respond with the following: I am a husband to my best friend. I am a father of two wonderful young men. I am a father-in-law to two amazing young women. I am a grandfather to two miraculous little grandchildren who I deeply love. And, on occasion, I still do some executive coaching for a small group of people who are making the world a better place.
When we focus on self-definition based on our relationships with family and friends, we build a new foundation for the rest of our lives. We come to realize that our connections with others is the legacy we will leave behind us. The new memories we co-create with others will carry us all through the coming decades post retirement.
Choose To Be A Mentor and A Wise Elder
As you transition from what you have been doing to what you will be doing, I have one final charge for you, namely keep mentoring young leaders. In a world filled with 24/7 hype plus countless other inputs that prevent people from actually doing deep work in comparison to shallow and reactionary cycles of living and working, there is a large problem right now which retiring leaders such as yourself can help solve. We lack people who are willing to mentor young leaders. We need more people who are willing to be wise elders for these important people.
Over the course of your personal journey through the land of leadership, I suspect that there were 1- 3 people who helped you and supported you through challenging times. They were present when you struggled and they listened thoughtfully and carefully to what you shared. While they may not always have had the solution to your problem, they did provide you with safe space to share and to be heard.
Furthermore, many of these same people asked you important and thought-provoking questions where upon you discovered the answers for yourself. In our society today, there are many young leaders who are hungry for this level of connection and to learn the wisdom you have gleaned from your own journey. While it may not be the same as their journey, there are times when the lessons learned from others can give us fresh perspective and new insights just like those who helped you when you were younger. Again, while you may not be a positional leader with a title and all the privileges that come with that position, you can still be a leader, guiding and supporting a wide diversity of young leaders.
As the late Stephen Covey wrote, “Principled-centered living is not an end in itself. It’s the means and the end. It’s the quality of our travel along life’s road. It’s the power of peace we experience each day as we accomplish what matters most. In a principle-centered life, the journey and the destination are one.” Now is the time, as you move into retirement, to become a role model for principal-centered living.
Remember: You still matter, and you can still make a big difference in the world.
© Geery Howe 2022
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