Life can be challenging when we are uncertain about what to do next or how to proceed given the difficulties and problems we are experiencing on a daily basis. Choices abound, and yet clarity eludes us because our lives are filled with so many must do and should do expectations. As a result, we become overwhelmed, and this is never the foundation for authentic and healthy choices. Therefore, reflection and discernment are needed. However, finding the resources to do this are difficult.
At times in my life, when I have encountered situations of this nature, I have turned to key people and asked them to help me discern what is the best path forward. As an executive coach, I also have helped people during these unique times in their life. The goal is to find clearness before action.
In the beginning, the key is to create a safe space, where we can discover our own inner wisdom. This starts by creating time and space where there are no interruptions and no pressure to get it right, to get it all done, or to get it all fixed. Next, all involved are encouraged to ask open ended questions, and to engage in deep listening to the answers that are shared. Ample time for reflection, and even periods of silence, are encouraged and supported.
Some people will start a session of this nature by stating the problem and all the concerning variables related to it. Others will starts by sharing their feelings about the difficulties in their life, and their struggles with how to cope. Some don’t even know where to start or how to start. They just know something is wrong or off, and are desperately wanting to regain a sense of inner peace. In short, they want to be more centered during a time of imbalance.
When the later happens, and someone is not clear about where to begin, I often ask one of two questions: “How is your heart at this period?” or “Are you heading toward a sun set or a sun rise at this time period in your life?”. Both questions create a moment for reflection. Both questions encourage us to pause and broaden our perspective about the challenges before us.
As people open up, share, and gain insights, sometimes I like to help people look backwards before they look forward. I do this by asking them the following question: “When you dealt with a problem of this nature in the past, what did you do that worked?”. This line of exploration often helps people see what they have already done and already learned plus accomplished. This provides them with possibilities of how to proceed given their current situation.
At moments like this, I am reminded of a line by American Jesuit, Father James Martin, who wrote “awareness leads to trust.” By creating time and space for discernment, we expand our awareness, and, over time, create trust in ourselves and trust in our capacity to figure out how to find and move forward on the path before us. The challenge and the key is to be patient with the process, and patient with ourself. For when we discover the path forward, we can walk this path with clarity, commitment, and an open heart, willing to receive the blessings and opportunities that unfold before us.
© Geery Howe 2025
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