A Good First Step
I remember a day when the CEO of a large company and I were sitting in his office after a full day of training on strategic planning. We had about forty-five minutes before the team met for a group dinner. This was to be followed by a discussion about lessons learned after a day of training. He was sitting in his chair and looking out the window. I sat quietly with him. When the time was right, I asked him a question: “Are you ready for strategic planning?”
He responded, “I know we need to do this and everyone is expecting it to happen. My board wants to know where we are going, and my team is eager to have a plan too.”
“I get this,” I replied. “A lot of people have expectations of you as the CEO. But my question was focused on you, not the company. Are you ready for this level of work?”
There was a long period of silence and then he quietly said, “No. I am exhausted. With the pressure to perform, and the hard work of raising a couple of teenagers at home, my tank is empty. My battery is drained. Some days I just want to step away and do something else. Some days I wonder if I am no longer the right guy for the position. Some days I don’t know what to do next.”
I just sat there with this deeply personal statement and realization. This was not a moment to speak. Instead, it was a moment to be present, and to acknowledge the pain that led to this moment.
After a bit, I shared. “That’s a hard place to be. I know it both personally and professionally. It hurts on so many levels. It’s beyond stress management level techniques. It’s the feeling of being overwhelmed and not knowing where to start.”
He nodded his head.
“So,” I asked, “what is one thing you can do this evening that will slowly refill your empty tank?”
He pondered this for a moment, and then said: “I think it is time to share with the team that I don’t have all the answers about what to do next. That I need them to work with me to co-create the plan rather than just follow me and do what ever I think up. I need them to know that I am struggling and that I am not Superman. I am just a guy who wants to do good in the world and wants to make a difference.”
He paused, and then asked me a question, “Is this asking too much?”
“No,” I replied. “Your team cares deeply about you and about this organization. Many of them are struggling too. How about creating a plan that does not try to solve all of the world’s problems, but instead gets you and the team back on solid ground? How about creating a plan that does not result in any more burn-out at work or at home?”
‘“I’d like that very much.”
“Good. Then let’s begin this evening by creating a safe space for in-depth sharing and dialogue. Being a leader and planning for the future should not result in complete burn-out.”
So, that evening after dinner, we made time and space for sharing. It was a good first step.
Afterwards, as he and I walked back to our respective cars, he to home and I to the hotel before the next day’s meetings, he stopped and said, “Thanks. That was very important and very special. It helped.”
“My pleasure to be of support.”
“So, I have one more question. What do I need to do in the morning before heading to work?”
I smiled, and said, “Turn off the computer, Luke. Trust the Force.”
He chuckled, and I continued. “Really. Don’t start your day doing e-mail. Instead, pause and do the following. First, find a quiet place in the house and read something that inspires you or helps you put things in perspective. I suggest a passage from the Bible or some other book related to your faith tradition. Second, write down three to four things that you are grateful for in your life. Counting our blessings is important. Third, think of someone who has made a positive difference in your life. Take a moment in prayer to thank them, or write them a brief note of thanks. Finally, eat a good breakfast. Ideally with your spouse and family. The e-mail can wait. Now is the time to slowly refill your empty tank, or recharge your battery. You choose which metaphor is best for you.”
“I can do that, Geery.”
“Good. See you in the morning at 8:00 am.” And each of us headed out for the night.
Creating time and space for reflection and healing is hard work. We need to be patient with ourself and with others. We need to remember and to understand that the path we take to the destination we seek is the future we will experience. We also must recognize that charting our path is an on-going personal growth and development process. Still, the first step is to reconnect with ourself before the actual planning begins.
To be continued on Wednesday.
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