Leading With A Good Heart

Parker Palmer in his book, A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life, reminds us that many years ago, at the first sign of a blizzard on the Great Plains, farmers would run a rope from the back door to the barn. They did this because they all knew stories of someone who had wandered off and been frozen to death, having lost sight of home in a whiteout while still in their own backyard.

Today, we live in a blizzard of another sort. The degree of anxiety and frustration within the home and the workplace is overwhelming. People are feeling lost and wondering what to do next given the current economy and the current state of world affairs. 

In 2010, Dave and Wendy Ulrich in their book, The Why of Work, wrote, “As the economic recovery slowly takes place, many employees are experiencing an emotional recession -- because they have not found sufficient meaning in their work lives, a condition that reduces productivity and commitment.” Reading these words 14 years later, their observation seems like it was written just yesterday. One could replace the words “emotional recession” with the words “emotional recovery from a global pandemic” and find the meaning is the same. 

From my current work with leaders, I see this blizzard and this emotional recession taking a huge toll. Over and over, I listen to good people, who are living a life which is compartmentalized and divided. They find little soul, spirit, and passion in their every day lives. Recently, I listened to an older executive complain about how his company was setting strategy without including the people who worked directly with the customer. In the midst of this absurdity, he yearned to return to a time period in his life where his work was meaningful and actually made a difference.

As leaders, we need to reclaim our work and our ability to lead with a good heart. We need to become leaders who are less fragmented and more whole. We also need to rediscover wholeness in the midst of these challenging times.

The first step in this journey back to wholeness begins when we reclaim being architects of meaning. We need to remind others that it is okay to love what you do, and it is okay to grieve through the difficulties of organizational change. Furthermore, it is okay to be passionate about projects or the mission of the organization. Finally, we need to tell people that it is okay to be tough, but loving.

Many years ago, I listened to a CEO tell his team that a leader needs to be both a builder and a destroyer. They need to support the people and build the infrastructure for the present and the future, as well as become a destroyer of the dysfunctional parts of the organization. He further noted that at the foundation of all this work is the need to have a healthy core, encompassing a sound mission, vision, and core values plus a well-written and adaptable strategic plan. With these tools in place and the right people on the team, an organization can move forward in the midst of its challenges.

We all know that the effectiveness of a leader is dependent on three things working together. First, we need the enthusiasm and dedication of our people. Second, we need good plans and intelligent strategy that are supported and acted on by all involved. Third, we need people who can work together as a team. 

Whenever we prepare for change, we must remember that there will be more blizzards and emotionally challenging times in the future. Therefore, we need to make sure there is a rope from the back door to the barn. Leading with a good heart and a sound plan is a powerful first step in the journey.  

© Geery Howe 2024

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Activate The Dream

“I haven’t shared this with anyone,” he commented after we were seated for our lunch meeting. “These thoughts could be classified as dangerous, and even more so if I say them out loud. The truth of the matter is that the entire way we do business isn’t going to work in the near future. Most people haven’t figured it out yet, but the context has shifted. New factors and new technology are in play. New players are surfacing which will make our business more complex and dynamic. And the upshot of this new environment is that we are not changing fast enough.

In the near future, we will have a choice. We are OK for now, but soon we will need to shift people, time, and resources to a new model of doing business. This is going to upset a lot of people, but it’s the right thing to do. We are not at the ‘change or die’ place yet, but within a couple of years we could be.

I don’t know what to do, Geery. I just don’t know how to get us from where we are now to where we need to be. I have an idea of the new end point, but when it comes to figuring it all out, I’m lost. That’s the hardest thing to admit to myself, but I’m just not sure how to make it all work. I think I have a new org chart figured out, and some of the new processes and systems we need to put in place, but I also know that just moving people around on an org chart and handing out new assignments isn’t going to make it work. My people won’t own it until they embrace it. I just know we need to make these changes, but I don’t know how to get there. I don’t know how to create a plan to implement this level of change.”

We talked all through lunch and then for an hour after the meal. He shared his frustrations, his challenges, and his vision. At times, it was a collection of just random ideas, but the more we talked, the more he figured out some of the first steps he needed to take. 

As we wrapped up our time together, he asked me an important question, “So, where do I go from here? What should I do next?”

“Get it out of your head and put it all down on paper,” I replied. “The act of writing it out will result in clearer thinking, and an outline for action that you can share with others. When dealing with change, be it complex and dynamic, personal or professional, the process of clarifying your thinking is the essential first step to working in a focused and centered manner. The hardest part is to write it out, and to recognize that writing is a valuable part of the process.”

As we stood up to leave the table, he smiled and said, “Thanks. I needed that time to share and think.”

“My pleasure,” I replied. “It’s why we visit.”

In the beginning, we must recognize that all of us have a dream, a vision, or a goal inside of us. And with this dream inside of us, we are constantly seeking ways to make it become our daily reality. The hard part is to clarify it and then activate it. Once we have done this in-depth work, we can then embrace the journey and move on through the world of change. But in the beginning, we need to active the dream before we embrace the journey.

© Geery Howe 2024

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Three Questions

Many years ago, James Champy, a leading authority on management and business reengineering wrote, “The results are in: Reengineering works -- up to a point. The obstacle is management. The only way we're going to deliver on the full promise of reengineering is to start reengineering management -- by reengineering ourselves.” This is a profound insight that many people have missed in their rush to get things done. To create an authentic change within an organizations, you must always begin with yourself. 

A long time ago, I learned this lesson during a morning retreat with a hospital, senior management group. We were one hour into a three-hour session when I finally admitted to myself that we weren't getting anywhere. I knew that my message was on target, but I was not making the connection with the group that I was seeking, so I suggested a break.

While walking outside, I shared my concern and thoughts for regrouping with the HR Director who responded by saying, “Okay, but whatever you do, don't upset the Director of Nursing.” I could see that she was quite serious. And, yet, I was stunned by this obvious lack of trust and regard for her colleague.

When we returned to the room, I proceeded to ask the group three questions:

- Why did you take these jobs?

- Why are you staying?

- What do you need from this group of people so you can cope with the chaos that accompanies change, and move forward into the next level of action that's needed? 

The room was quiet until the Director of Nursing spoke. “I know what you call me behind my back,” she said, “but you do not know why I took this job.”

“When I was a child, I had viral pneumonia. In the 40’s and 50’s, they didn't have all of the wonder drugs that we have now. I had a fever that spiked to 107, and my mother bathed me with alcohol for days around the clock trying to break my fever. Finally, she knew she had done all she could, and I was taken to the hospital. 

That night outside my room, I overheard the doctor tell my mom that there was no more that he could do for me. My mother was exhausted from being up with me all those nights, and went home to try to get some sleep. She had three other children and a husband to care for, too.

Shortly after she left, a young nurse walked into my room and stood next to the bed. She told me, ‘I heard what the doctor said and I don't believe it. If you and I work together tonight, we will break your fever by dawn.’ There was fire in her eyes; she believed she could do it. That night I slept in the bathtub covered in ice. When the sun broke the horizon, my fever was 99.2! I was saved.

Many people think that I am stubborn and difficult. The reality is that I do not give up. I do not compromise my principles. I do not give in to the status quo. I fight for what I believe is important, because somewhere in our hospital today there is a nurse working with a patient who needs that level of support. Somewhere there is a nurse who knows that her Director of Nursing will not succumb to mediocrity, or talk the talk without walking the walk. Somewhere there is a nurse in this hospital working with a sick little girl or boy who feels helpless and lost. And that nurse will make all the difference like that nurse did for me all those years ago. That nurse needs me to be committed and hard working. Our partnership will make the difference.”

There wasn't a dry eye in the room when we heard her story and learned the core reason for commitment and passion. This was a woman who was not afraid of those three questions. This was a woman who was clear about her vision and her mission in life, and who had answered the call to leadership. And, perhaps most importantly, this was a woman who, through risking this self-disclosure, could finally be understood by others.

So, when planning for change, I recommend leaders start the process by honestly answering these three questions. We must first understand what drives us, our passion and purpose. This then can become the line of continuity through the changes that need to take place in us and within the organization. 

We also need to have the courage to share our answers to these three questions with our team and listen carefully to their answers. When we choose to inner clarity, and come into full alignment with our principles and our actions, we create a ripple effect throughout our lives, our families, our work places, and our community. 

© Geery Howe 2024

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

A Leadership Choice

Many leaders deal with people from a reductionist, mechanistic, and strictly objective perspective. With this mindset, people are reduced to things, objects, or inputs. These leaders move people around like they are checkers on a board. The only goal is to win the game, and every piece is treated as being similar to every other piece. 

The outcome of this choice is that leadership becomes a language of distance. There is no us or we. Instead, there is only I and them. These leaders choose to separate themselves from others. They engage or connect with people only through the use of their positional power. They frame up others as just employees rather than people who work at the company and with the company. 

The result of this choice is that there is something missing in their relationship with others. There also is something missing in their relationship with themselves. The missing piece is that they are fragmented on the inside and fragmented on the outside. 

I know this from decades of coaching people. While I have done a great deal of public speaking, training, and consulting, I also have spent many hours listening to people as an executive coach. I have listened to complicated situations and complex issues. I have listened to technical problems and adaptive challenges. I have listened to operational concerns and strategic ambiguity. I have listened to professional and personal worries. And in the end, I have often asked this question, “What does your gut tell you to do about all of this?”. 

I ask this question, because I have learned that each of us is the sum of four different aspects, namely mind, body, social/emotional, and spirit. And each of these elements influences the choices we make and the way we think through the challenges before us. In particular, this unique question taps into more than just a mechanical model of leadership. It broadens our perspective. It creates a wholistic perspective that can generate inclusive understanding more than reductionist solutions. It recognizes that our inner relationship to self and our outer relationship with others is dynamic and interrelated. In essence, the more we are in touch with ourself, the better we are in touch with others. 

Understanding this truth requires us to discern the difference between what it feels like to be a leader rather to make things happen as a leader. At a basic level, the feeling of leadership is very different than the doing of leadership. I have learned this difference by being with leaders as they have faced challenges and opportunities, individually and collectively with their teams. The difference is subtle, but most evident in how they treat others. They understand that they work in a relationship economy more than in a world of things, objects or inputs. They understand that how people feel is just as important as what they do. They understand that commitment, not authority generates results. And finally, they understand that commitment comes from character level values like respect, dignity, and integrity. It is from this foundation that people rise to the level of being a great leader, more than just a shaker and mover who gets things done. 

This week, my challenge to you is make a choice that starts with inner discernment and clarity before you focus on outer execution. I also challenge you to build a foundation in all relationships based on integrity, dignity, and respect. The combination of these two actions will generate the capacity to be a leader more than just to make things happen as a leader. 

© Geery Howe 2024

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Peace - What Does That Mean?

Over dinner with two of our older friends, she shared with us the following meditation: “Breathe in peace; breathe out love.” I stopped eating, put down my fork, and practiced what she shared. Her words resonated deep inside me, and I was very grateful that she had shared it with us. Later in the evening, upon reflection, I asked myself an important question: What is peace? 

I think the challenge of this word is that it is often defined by it’s opposite, namely that peace is the opposite of violence and war. However, I find this definition lacking, because the word is being defined by what it is not rather than being defined by what it actually is. 

The dictionary tells us that peace is “the freedom from disturbance,” or “tranquility.” It also defines peace as “a state or period in which there is no war or a war has ended.” I find all three of these definitions to lack depth. 

Some authors define peace as “a stress-free state of security and calmness that comes when there is no fighting or war.” Others say that peace happens “when everything [is] coexisting in perfect harmony and freedom.” While these definitions are an improvement over the former ones, I still find they lack a sense of wholeness. Therefore, I continued to search. 

After much reading, continued reflection, and many in-depth discussions with others, I began to understand that peace starts with a level of consciousness, i.e. a unitive perspective about life that is felt, understood, and integrative. It continues with the blending of consciousness and intention, which is then translated into action. In a world filled with violence, hatred, and persecution, I believe that the integration of consciousness, intention, and action are vital. But in order to achieve this level of integration, we need to improve our ability to connect, cooperate, and communicate. 

To better connect with others, we must first better connect with ourself. While this sounds simple, it is neither simple or easy. The reason being that this level of inner connection often involves taking stock of what we believe and what we are feeling. The result of which often leads to in-depth reflection, which can, at times, lead to reframing, and reinterpretation of our core beliefs. And the outcome of such action is usually a change in how we see ourselves and the world around us. 

From this foundation of inner connection and alignment, we must then decide how we are going to connect with others. With the echo of the pandemic still ringing in our lives, we must rekindle the clarity gleaned from surviving this global experience and remember that we we are all in this together. For example, during the pandemic, we were banging pots and pans each evening to celebrate and honor the healthcare providers, essential personnel, and others who were caring for our family, friends and neighbors. 

Now, we must continue this courageous clarity, and begin moving forward based on the premise that each person is special and unique. The core principle of Buddhist psychology is to “see the inner nobility and beauty of all human beings,” writes Jack Kornfield in his book, The Wise Heart: A Guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology (Bantam Books, 2008). Quakers also start from the same place, believing that there is that of God in every person. In essence, the pathway to peace starts by seeing and recognizing the inner goodness and dignity in all people. This is the starting place to breathing in peace and breathing out love. 

Next, the capacity to cooperate and collaborate with others is very important to peace and peace making. It is how consciousness and intention are transformed into action. It is where the unitive nature of peace becomes real. 

Yet in the beginning, the ability to come together and to collaborate well with others starts with relationship building. People need to trust each other and to have a relationship-centric approach to peace more than just a solutions focus or a “let’s get it done” mentality. The difficulty of this approach is that it will require us to step outside our comfort zone bubbles, and engage in dialogue with others who may not think the same as us. American author and journalist, Bill Bishop noted that we all live now in “balkanized communities whose inhabitants find other Americans to be culturally incomprehensible.” This is not the way forward. 

Brene Brown in her book, Braving The Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone (Random House, 2017), notes that “… we don’t derive strength from our rugged individualism, but rather from our collective ability to plan, communicate, and work together. Our neural, hormonal, and genetic makeup support interdependence over independence.” And to create this interdependence, we must have a relationship centric approach to peace and peace making. Through local problem solving and local relationship building activities, which engage a diversity of people from different backgrounds and perspectives, we can generate positive change and positive results. 

Yet, in order to do this level of work, we must learn how to communicate in a respectful manner. We must learn how to speak the language of peace in order to generate the feeling of peace. Many people think this translates into speaking clearly and often. However, the best and most effective forms of collaboration and cooperation I have witnessed over multiple decades, always starts with better listening rather than better talking. The goal, referencing an old Stephen Covey adage, is to “seek first to understand, second to be understood.” 

The only way to understand better is to create and maintain safe relational spaces. And to recognize that each of us suffer from two common problems. Adam Grant in his book, Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know (Viking, 2021), notes that many of us get caught in confirmation bias, i.e. “seeing what we expect to see,” and desirability bias, i.e. “seeing what we want to see.” While these are normal, the challenge for us is to remember that peace is the sum of relational change, not just systems change. By building trust through being trust-worthy and through respectful communication, we are showing up for our collective moments of joy and pain, paying attention to the suffering of all, and honoring the dignity of all, no matter what community they live in. 

For me, Ryan Holiday in his book, Stillness Is The Key (Portfolio/Penguin, 2019) captured this best when he wrote, “The space between your ears - that’s yours. You don’t just have to control what gets in, you also have to control what goes on in there.” When we grasp that inner clarity, alignment, and connection are the precursors to outer actions, alignment, and connection, then we will rediscover the feeling and the experience of peace in a whole new way. 

With the goal of creating a sane and safe world, we must get past the cognitive dissonance that we are currently experiencing and actively engage in peace-making. As noted before, this may require us to step outside our comfort zone bubble. It may require us to focus on making and maintaining connections through cooperation and collaboration. It also may require us to engage in respectful communication as we walk the pathway to a unitive peace. And we must remember, to paraphrase Einstein, we can not solve problems with the same consciousness that caused the problems in the first place. 

But as we do this vital work of peace-making, which begins with the union of consciousness and intention, we will experience something very unique. We will experience being broken open through a transformation of consciousness, rather than broken apart by the problems of the world. As this happens, we will remember and understand the challenges and frailty of the human condition, and also the miraculous choice to breath in peace and breath our love on a daily basis. And our lives, and subsequently the world will be a better place because of this choice. 

© Geery Howe 2024

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change