Introduction
Crossing the threshold to retirement has been more than a transition. It has been a rite of passage into a new and, for me, uncharted territory. I have moved away from the “grace of presence and belonging” to a work community, a phrase from the late Irish poet John O’Donohue, into a new world.
For many people in the work world, the retirement rite of passage is focused on saying good-bye to the one who is leaving the workforce. And this is an important and meaningful experience for all involved. But, on the other side of this experience, there is not a rite of passage for welcoming someone into the world of retirement. Instead, we stumble into retirement, wondering what is next, and we are perplexed by all the new possibilities.
From my experience during this past year, I still can not comprehend the full weight of retirement. It has taken me nearly a year to grasp the impact of it, and I think it will take me five more years to fully comprehend it. Still, I have learned a few things along the way that I can share with you.
An Ending & A New Beginning
Shortly after I retired from all work related travel and teaching, I was in the office working on a piece writing. The phone rang and I answered it. It was a client from many years ago and he wanted to know when the next Executive Roundtable was going to take place, because he wanted to bring his whole team.
I paused and said, “Oh my. I have retired. There are not going to be any more Roundtables.”
“Wow,” he responded. “A great man has died today.”
I did not respond as I was quickly reviewing the day’s news in my head. I had no idea who he were referring to that moment. Finally, I said, “Who?”
“You,” he replied.
I was stunned.
“I did not die. I retired,” I explained. “I just stopped 35+ years of traveling and going to numerous meetings per week and teaching numerous seminars and workshops per month. I am still reading, learning, living, and exploring. I am just not doing it within a traditional work environment.”
As I reflected on this conversation, I came to realize that many people have framed up the idea of retirement as an ending. And, on one level, it is an ending. But, for me and many others I have visited with who are further down the pathway than I am, it also is a transition into something new, an evolution, and for some, a complete transformation of self-definition. It is an opportunity to no longer be defined by a job description and a job title. Instead, it provides a person the time and space to explore, think, reflect, and over time create a whole new way of living and moving through the world.
Explore A Variety of New Schedules
One of the first things that happened when I retired is that I did not know how to start me day. After many decades of doing certain things in a specific order so I could be focused on the right and important things that needed to get done that day, I found myself adrift in options, potential, and a smattering of various possibilities. Over time, I did figure it out how to start my morning off, which I will share shortly. However, not knowing how to start my day was a symptom of a larger problem, namely I did not know how to define a day.
On one level, this seems a simple problem. Just go out and start the day. But, in reality, most of my Monday through Friday schedules had been defined by work. For example, I needed to be in the office by a specific time in order to be available for clients. My day ended when most other working people ended their work day. In between, there were meetings, trainings, and consultations. Some years, I had certain events scheduled eighteen months in advance.
And then, retirement showed up. My calendar was mostly empty. I did not need to be in the office by a specific time, or at all. I did not need to end my day around a specific time. It was liberating and deeply frustrating because my day was no longer defined by “normal working hours.” Instead, I could organize it any which way I wanted. And the difficulty was that I did not know what I wanted because I had no memory of this kind of life, a life not defined by a clock, projects, and deadlines.
So, the first step was to try a whole lot of schedules and see what worked, referencing the writing of Collins and Porras in their book, Built To Last. The difficulty was that this took time, energy, and a lot of experimentation.
While I wanted a fast solution, I quickly realized that this was not going to take place. Experimentation is experimentation. So, day after day, I tried one way of moving through the day and then another. It was a long journey.
After eight months, I have finally found a comfortable daily schedule. I created a morning start to the day pattern which helped me tremendously. Next, I created two “work zones,” for lack of a better term. The morning one is about two and a half hours long, and the afternoon one is roughly two hours long. Then, I developed an end of the day pattern before moving into the whole dinner routine. This is one of my favorite parts of the afternoon because it involves walking the dog and, depending on the time of the year, greeting the neighborhood children as they come home from school.
The key to all of this is that I had to give myself permission to experiment and slowly figure it over time. For now, it is a work-in-progress. Still, an 85 year old mentor and friend of mine has encouraged me to start taking a nap after lunch. He says it makes a big difference during the second half of the day. I just smile and remind him that I am just starting the retirement pathway. When I am in my 80’s, I am sure I will add this to my daily schedule.
Be Still And Reflect Deeply
As I mentioned earlier, I found that my daily schedule had been tossed up in the air and returned to earth in a tumbled pile when I retired. As a result, many of the things I normally did during each part of the day were either not needed or no longer applicable. I felt lost.
One day, I told my wife, Jane, “I just don’t know how to start my day anymore.” She responded, “You will figure it out. Give it time and be patient.” And so, I slowly moved forward, testing and exploring different ways to start my day.
In the beginning, I tried to slow down my morning routine and drink more coffee. The outcome was being wired on caffeine and not sure what to do. Then, one morning, I decided to do something that seemed to work so well for my wife, Jane. It was one of her morning practices, namely sitting down and doing her “daily readings.”
Now, every morning, I sit in the same chair for 20 - 30 minutes with a pile of books, and a good cup of coffee. Some mornings, I read a chapter in one book or a couple of pages in another book, all for the purpose of gaining new insights, on-going learning, and deep study into a variety of topics.
This collection of books has evolved over time, but they all have one thing in common. They are written by authors who I deeply respect given their life journeys or expertise. They are inspirational in nature, and many are faith based. They are all sources of wisdom and perspective.
The outcome of my morning readings and the subsequent reflection that comes from this quality writing is that I find myself less stressed and overwhelmed by life’s on-going challenges. It slows down my feeling that life is unfolding faster than I can handle it. It reduces the cognitive and emotional intensity of my reactions to difficult issues and challenges. But on a deeper level, my morning readings fill me up with hope and a renewed inner clarity about how to move forward into this period of life called retirement. For this, I am eternally grateful to my wife for role modeling this practice and for the many authors who have written such excellent resources for a whole and faithful life.
Continue To Seek Guidance & Perspective
I spent the majority of my career defining problems and solving problems. Some were technical and others were adaptive. Some were complicated and others were complex. Most had a time element to them and involved a group process. I liked this work and the resulting outcomes. It felt like I was making a difference in the world. And then, retirement happened.
In the beginning, I turned all this problem solving energy into weekly projects. I mowed the grass on time, and took out the trash and recycling on time. I did the laundry on time and my part of the house cleaning on time. Then, I realized I had a problem, and it was me.
When I was working five days a week, I had a schedule and many things to look forward to each week and each weekend. When I retired and after the initial rush of freedom, I realized that I did not have many things that I was looking forward to doing. For example, taking the trash and the recycling to the curb early, the first one on the block, could not be one of the highlights of my week. In short, while I like daily and weekly routines, I definitely needed to have things that I looked forward to each week.
The solution was pretty simple once I figured it out. I needed to get back out in the world and visit with people. I needed to stay connected with my kitchen table cabinet, my circle of “advisors” and friends who have helped me all along. In particular, I needed to continue to seek out their guidance and perspective on a wide variety of subjects, including retirement. I needed to share, listen, and explore ideas, problems, and life’s ongoing challenges. In short, I needed to schedule time each week where I would look forward to being with someone and visiting with them, usually over a good cup of coffee, and on a special occasion a nice muffin or pastry.
Keep Learning
Upon reflection, retirement has taught me about the immense nearness of today’s choices and the mysterious distance of the future possibilities. There will always be new options and opportunities to experiment, to seek out the wisdom and counsel of others, and to reflect deeply. The key is to remind myself that I was a work-in-progress before I retired, and that I will continue to be a work-in-progress during my retirement.
As Father Richard Rohr remind us,“The visible world is an active doorway to the invisible world, and the invisible world is much larger than the visible.” As a retired person, I have more time and space now to explore the visible and the invisible, all with the goal of becoming my best and true self. Thus for me, retirement is the next step on a pathway I have been traveling my whole life. It is a new beginning and a line of continuity all at the same time. And each day, I am grateful for the opportunity to keep moving forward.
© Geery Howe 2023
No comments:
Post a Comment