Communication Is Complicated

Some days in the world of leadership, all the problems we deal with are communication problems. For example, someone said something and a whole batch of people misunderstood it. Then, things go down hill fast. On another day, not enough was communicated and then everyone is surprised, frustrated and annoyed. Whatever the case, communicating is easier said than done.

So where do we begin to get better at this? 

Here are two tips to make the first 90 days of this new year go better.

First, we need to recognize that many communication problems are actually balance-of-power problems. As Richard Farson points out in his book, Management of the Absurd, it is only “when the balance of power is relatively equal that truly candid communication can and should take place.” I think this is something that many leaders tend to forget. They often assume that we are all equals when it comes to communication. In reality, there is a power differential taking place every day. The leader is the supervisor of others and as such, they can fire people if things go wrong. Subordinates do not forget this even when they are communicating. They are cautious even when trust is high. 

Second, Farson notes that “listening can … be a disturbing experience. All of us have strong needs to see the world in certain ways, and when we really listen, so that we understand the other person’s perspective, we risk being changed ourselves. Similarly, listening to others means having to be alert to one’s own defensiveness, to one’s impulse to want to change others. That requires a level of self-awareness, even self-criticism, that is not easy to endure.” As he continues, “Yet the popular view persists that our leaders must be great communicators, inspiring and succeeding because of their speaking ability, not their listening ability.” 

I don’t think we focus enough on listening as leaders. Instead, we get caught in transmission mode rather than in reception mode. As Ron Heifetz wrote many years ago, “leaders die with their mouths open.” If we want to prevent this from happening, we need to speak less and listen more. We also need to focus more on improving our relationships with others. This is the right way to begin the new year. As you continue to move through this week, remember the realities of the balance of power and, when appropriate, speak less and listen more. 

Geery Howe, M.A. Consultant, Executive Coach, Trainer in Leadership, Strategic Planning and Organizational Change Morning Star Associates 319 - 643 - 2257