Last Monday, I wrote about the importance of finding safe space, i.e. sanctuary, and safe people. I want to build on that today and focus more on finding safe people.
In life, we all need allies and confidants. We need to be with people who can be 100% present, listen well, and see us as whole people. These are the people who do not want to fix us as much as support us.
These special people understand that the only way to recovery is through recovery. As the Spanish poet Antonio Machado wrote: “Wanderer, there is no road, the road is made by walking.”
Margaret Wheatley and Deborah Frieze in their book, Walk Out Walk On: A Learning Journey Into Communities Daring to Live the Future Now (Berrett-Koehler, 2011) expanded on this understanding when they wrote: “It isn’t that there is no road; it’s that we won’t recognize it until we’re on it - it reveals itself step by uncertain step.” As they continued: “We make our path by walking it.”
From experience of walking this path, I have learned that there will be more questions than immediate answers. There will be grief. The journey will not be linear. It will be messy. And all of this is normal.
Still, I find hope in the midst of it all because of what Margaret Wheatley, wrote in her excellent book, Turning To One Another: simple conversations to restore hope to the future (Berret-Koehler, 2001). As she explained, “I also have learned that when we begin listening to each other, and when we talk about things that matter to us, the world begins to change.” This is a powerful insight and an important lesson learned.
This week, seek out your allies and confidants. Create space to share deeply and listen thoughtfully. When we do this, we are making a better world for our loved ones and our community. And this will change us and the world around us.
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