As summer has turned into fall and there is a growing crispness to the air, I have come to the realization that I miss face to face meetings as well as large and small group trainings. I miss the in-depth interaction of seeing people and being with people in person as they explore ideas, concepts and possibilities. I miss that light bulb “aha” moment when clarity strikes and the pieces of the puzzle come together. Then, the solution becomes evident and the pathway forward is ready to be taken.
Now I fully grasp why in the midst of a global pandemic that we should not be meeting. I understand the risks of even the smallest groups coming together. I get the importance of staying safe and staying healthy. Still, I miss the power of dialogue.
Over the last ninety days, I have listened to more and more people in leadership positions tell me that their on-line meetings and interactions are not working as well as they did in the early spring when COVID first struck. They report to me that while things are getting discussed, decision are being made, and people are still working, there are some missing elements that just can not take place on a digital platform.
First, when connecting digitally, people are not picking up on non-verbal clues at the individual level. Good leaders understand that non-verbal language is the first form of communication and speaking is the second.
Next, these same leaders report to me that they can not get a sense of the group’s mood or depth of engagement during an on-line meeting. Without this information, they are struggling to grasp whether or not people are committed to a course of action or just ready to move on to the next agenda item on the list of things to get discussed or done.
Third, leaders tell me that there are few, if any important meetings after the meeting where a moment of coaching or mentoring can take place. These meetings after the meetings are also a time to confirm a detail or to review an important element about a topic discussed. Instead, when people sign off, they are gone and on to the next thing. Now in the world of digital connections, someone has to very purposefully reach out and make a connection to do that level of work.
For me, the thing I have observed over the last six to seven months is that in-person dialogue is the foundation for authenticity, a powerful and very intangible concept in the world of great leaders. Now, many books and lectures on the subject of authenticity have focused on how leaders act, i.e. role model authenticity. But from my experience, the real power of authenticity comes through dialogue when those gathered see a leader behave in an authentic manner. One can choose to be authentic every day but their being authentic is not just defined by them. It is actually defined by the way they engage with others.
For example, one can do authentic things such as role model the desired changes being discussed rather than to simply quote them. Or they can have the courage to engage in an in-depth dialogue and to listen to the experiences and perspectives of others. But in the end, it is through the experience of the dialogue that others will determine if the changes being discussed are genuine and heartfelt. Therefore, authenticity is a choice by great leaders that is validated and confirmed by the feeling of those who choose to follow. The key is interactive dialogue.
One day we will be able to meet in person again in large and small groups. We will laugh, cry, share, celebrate, and listen. We will learn together in groups and we will plan together in groups. And the outcomes will help us be resilient in the face of our current new challenges.
But for now, we must continue to act in an authentic manner as leaders and recognize the importance and power of good dialogue. The future will be a mix of digital connections and in-person connections. Each will have a time and place in our schedules. But the best leaders know that the feelings of the followers will always determine the effectiveness of the leader.
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