Gradually, Then Suddenly

Introduction

In Ernest Hemingway’s novel, The Sun Also Rises, the character Mike Campbell is asked how he went bankrupt. “Two ways,” he replies. “Gradually, then suddenly.” To me, this is an elegant summary of 2025.

Some things this year have changed gradually, and some things have changed suddenly, if not dramatically. In the midst of all these changes, we as leaders are trying to figure out the implications of what has happened suddenly, and what is happening gradually. We also are trying to figure out how to respond rather than react to the magnitude of these changes. 

The Critical Yeast

When I step back from the gradual and the sudden, I am reminded of an insight about the concept of achieving critical mass that John Paul Lederach shared in his book, The Moral Imagination: The Art and Soul of Building Peace ( Oxford University Press, 2005). As he explains, “Creating self-sustained processes of social change is not just about numbers in a sequential formula. The critical mass was in asking what initial, even small things made exponentially greater things possible. In nuclear physics, the focus was the quality of the catalyst, not the numbers that followed.” 

Right now, many leaders are focusing on the number of changes taking place and how to deal with them. They all want to achieve change via “critical mass.” But effective leaders are focused on the quality of the catalyst, and on the space needed to support and sustain the desired changes, and the desired responses. As Lederach points out, “It seems to me that the key to changing this thing is getting a small set of the right people involved at the right places. What’s missing is not critical mass. The missing ingredient is the critical yeast.” 

Every time I read this quote, I stop and think deeply. The shift from focusing on critical mass to the critical yeast is a brilliant observation. So, given current events, what is the critical yeast right now that will generate self-sustaining change?

The Right People

Initially, I believe the critical yeast has two elements, namely the role modeling of vulnerability-based trust and the building of trust on multiple levels, i.e at the personal, team, strategic, and organizational levels. But, upon further reflection, I think there is a deeper and more nuanced answer to this important question. I think this answer can be found in Lederach’s statement of “getting a small set of the right people involved at the right places.”

First, when ever I read the phrase the right people, I immediately think of something that 

Jim Collins wrote in his book, How The Mighty Fall and Why Some Companies Never Give In (HarperCollins, 2009). When Collins was asked “What makes for the right people in key seats?”, he described them by the following characteristics: 

- “the right people fit with the company’s core values.

- the right people don’t need to be tightly managed.

- the right people understand that they do not have “jobs”; they have responsibilities.

- the right people fulfill their commitments.

- the right people are passionate about the company and its work.

- the right people display “window and mirror” maturity.”

Over the course of my career, I have met these kinds of people and they are incredible. I also have met people, who with extraordinary coaching and training, have become these kinds of people. The critical element is that one either hires these kinds of people, or supports people to become these kinds of people. For when we have the right people, who are willing, able, and ready to get involved, then we have a solid foundation for building sustainable solutions to adaptive challenges, and complicated technical problems. 

The Right Spaces

Nevertheless, the later half of Lederach’s phrase is challenging because he focused on these right people getting “involved at the right places.” On the one hand, we all default to thinking that the “right spaces” is a physical space. And, I strongly believe that this is part of his insight. When we build safe and respectful physical spaces, where people do not need to hide their true identities or attempt to fit in, where there is an understanding that each of us belongs in this space just the way we are, and where there is an understanding that each of us is unique, then listening and sharing changes within these spaces. When an “us versus them” mentality fades away and courageous collaboration rises, something else important takes place, namely a shared mindset.

 

Martine Haas and Mark Mortensen in their excellent article, “The Secrets of Great Teamwork” in the June 2016 issue of the Harvard Business Review, write that “Distance and diversity, as well as digital communication and changing membership, makes them [teams] especially prone to the problems of ‘us versus them’ thinking and incomplete information. The solution to both is developing a shared mindset amongst team members - something team leaders can do by fostering a common identity and common understanding.” Recognizing these common barriers to cooperation and information exchange, Haas and Mortensen note that “One powerful approach is to ensure that each subgroup feels valued for its contributions toward the team’s overall goals.” They also point out the importance of “creating shared experiences and common reference points and stories” as a way to build bridges and relationships that support the growth of a we mentality more than an us versus them mentality. 

When Haas and Mortensen talk about “structured unstructured time” as a means to building and supporting a shared mindset, I found, based on my experience and observations, that shared learning experiences that create shared language also boast the potential for shared understanding and greater collaboration. At the same time, I have witnessed that a facilitated, structured unstructured time can make a big difference. I did this often as a consultant and it helped all involved be on an equal footing within the group setting. With me monitoring the time and the pace of sharing, all involved could focus more on their listening, understanding and sharing. 

The Right Combination

Linda Gratton and Tamara J. Erickson in their article, “8 Ways to Build Collaborative Teams” from the November 2007 issue of the Harvard Business Review, introduced eight factors that lead to successful collaboration. When I reflect on their thoughtful and practical insights, I am drawn today to two of these eight factors when it comes to the question of critical yeast. First, Gratton and Erickson note the importance of “assigning team leaders that are both task- and relationship-oriented.” As they explain, “The debate has traditionally focused on whether a task or a relationship orientation creates better leadership, but in fact both are key to successfully leading a team. Typically, leaning more heavily on a task orientation at the outset of a project and shifting towards relationship orientation once the work is in full swing works best.” Second, Gratton and Erickson note the importance of “understanding role clarity and task ambiguity.” Again, as they explain, “cooperation increases when the roles of individual team members are sharply defined yet the team is given latitude on how to achieve the task.”  

For me, it is the combination of assigning leaders, who have the unique combination of being both task- and relationship-oriented, plus being able to generate role clarity within the team while also having the strength to handle task ambiguity, that creates the right conditions for the critical yeast to expand, and be integrated across the organization. Once the critical yeast has become resilient, then change can be self-sustaining and our responses to current events will not be reactionary. 

Watch Out For Stealth Expectations

In the midst of focusing on the critical yeast, we need to re-examine the issue of expectations. The first place we need to start is with a book by Marcus Buckingham, Marcus and Curt Coffman called First, Break All The Rules: What The World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently, (Simon & Schuster, 1999). Buckingham and Coffman in this classic resource say that “Talented employees need great managers. How long he stays and how productive he is while he is there is determined by his relationship with his immediate supervisor.” From my experience and observations, I have witnessed this happen. However, I don’t think it paints the full picture of what they are trying to convey. 

Deeper in the book, these two authors state that a manager or supervisor’s key activities are the following: select a person for a position, set expectations, motivate the person, and develop the person. Yet what is often missed in the subject of setting and clarifying expectations is that the supervisor or manager defines the right outcomes, not always the right steps, i.e. referencing an earlier point about role clarity and task ambiguity. In short, by defining the right outcomes and clarifying the company’s core values, i.e. how to work in any given situation, an employee can choose the path to achieve the desired outcomes. 

Nevertheless, we need to realize that unexamined and unexpressed expectations, aka stealth expectations, are also being created in this process. As Brene’ Brown in her book, Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience (Random House, 2021), writes: “Every day, sometimes, every hour, we are consciously and unconsciously setting expectations of ourselves and the people in our lives - especially those closest to us. The unconscious, unexamined, and unexpressed expectations are the most dangerous and often turn into disappointment.” As she continues, “When we develop expectations, we paint a picture in our head of how things are going to be and how they’re going to look…. We set expectations based not only on how we fit in that picture, but also on what those around us are doing in that picture. This means that our expectations are often set on outcomes totally beyond our control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they’re going to react. The movie in our mind is wonderful, but no one else knows their parts, their lines, or what it means to us.”

Buckingham and Coffman encourage us to ask ourselves the question, “Do I know what is expected of me?”  The question is an outside inside examination of what others are expecting of me. But Brown remind us, that we also have expectations of ourselves and of those around us, e.g. our manager or supervisor. From my perspective, managers and supervisors need to clarify outcomes and expectations. And, at the same time, employees need to clarify their expectations of their manager or supervisor. Furthermore, all involved need to do the in-depth and challenging work of clarifying the expectations they have of themselves. It is the combination of the two that helps the right people in the right places to strengthen and support the growth of the critical yeast. As Brown writes, “What expectations do you have going into this? What do you want to happen? Why? What will that mean to you? Do you have a movie in your head? And in this perception-driven world, the big question is always: Are you setting goals and expectations that are completely outside your control?” When we engage in individual and shared reality checking of our expectations, we further build capacity and resilience in the face of gradual and sudden change. 

Act With Courage

“Courage is not the absence of of fear,” writes Ambrose Redmoon, “but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.” While current events are amplifying emotions and, at times, overwhelming the cognitive, we, as leaders, still need to do the important work of sorting, analyzing, and prioritizing of information and data. Then, we need to lead our teams and our organizations, assisting all involved to merge and integrate the information and priorities into conscious choices on a daily basis. 

As we do this important work, we need to comprehend that the phrase, “I understand,” is a beginning. However, this subsequent phrase, “I need to act on this understanding,” reflects a commitment to transform understanding into action. And this takes courage to do on a daily basis. It requires us to remember what is most important in the midst of fear and adaptive challenges. With things changing gradually and things changing suddenly, we, in the end, must choose connection and commitment over control and conformity. We need to be people who listen to our hearts as much as we listen with our ears. For it is the combination of the two that will activate the critical yeast and generate self-sustaining change. 

For Further Study:

- Haas, Martine and Mark Mortensen, “The Secrets of Great Teamwork,” Harvard Business Review, June 2016

- Gratton, Linda and Tamara J. Erickson, “8 Ways to Build Collaborative Teams,” Harvard Business Review, November 2007.

 - Katzenbach, by Jon R. and, Ilona Steffen and Caroline Kronley, “Cultural Change That Sticks,” Harvard Business Review, July-August 2012.

© Geery Howe 2025

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Words And Actions

Two Core Concepts

When we teach people to become better leaders, we need to help them to embrace two different concepts at the exact same time. We also need to help people understand the difference and importance of each concept. The first concept is actions speak louder than words. The second concept is words matter. Both concepts are true, and, when understood, both can make a huge difference. But in the beginning, each concept needs significant unpacking if they are going to help people become better leaders. 

The first concept, actions speak louder than words, is a popular phrase, and is often referenced when teaching leadership. However, from my perspective, it lacks depth in its presentation. Instead, I prefer to reference the work of executive coach Kevin Cashman who wrote: “Leaders get what they exhibit and what they tolerate.” Within Cashman’s phrase, the definition of action is broken down into specific behaviors related to role modeling and specific behaviors related to tolerance, e.g. think about how this relates to coaching and accountability. Furthermore, we all know that role modeling is a very powerful form of building clarity and meaning within the work environment.

Nevertheless, the second concept, words matter, also can build clarity and meaning. What drives me crazy about these two concepts is that many people pit them against each other, assuming that one is more important than the other. The reality is that people, who are learning to become better leaders, need to step away from this dualistic level of thinking and embrace the Genius Of The And, referencing the early work Jim Collins and Jerry Porras in their book,  Built To Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies ( HarperBusiness, 1994). 

The Genius Of The AND

Now, to go off on a tangent for a bit, the concept of embracing the “Genius Of The AND” has great depth. First, the opposite of the “Genius of the And” is the “Tyranny of the OR.” As Collins and Porras wrote,“.. a key aspect of highly visionary companies: They do not oppress themselves with what we call the “Tyranny of the OR” - the rationale view that cannot easily accept paradox, that cannot live with two seemingly contradictory forces or ideas at the same time. The “Tyranny of the OR” pushes people to believe that things must be either A OR B, but not both.” For example, a company could focus on change or stability, being bold or conservative, or offering high quality or low cost. 

“Instead of being oppressed by the ‘Tyranny of the OR’,” they wrote, “highly visionary companies liberate themselves with the ‘Genius of the AND’ - the ability to embrace both extremes of a number of dimensions at the same time. Instead of choosing between A OR B, they figure out a way to have both A AND B.” For example, they focus on purpose and profit, a fixed core ideology and vigorous change, or a conservative core and opportunistic experimentation. As they continued, “We’re not talking about mere balance here. ‘Balance’ implies going to the midpoint, fifty-fifty, half and half. It seeks to do very well in the short-term and very well in the long-term. A visionary company doesn’t simply balance between idealism and profitability; it seeks to be highly idealistic and highly profitable.”

When it comes to actions speak louder than words and words matter, effective leaders embrace both concepts at the exact same time. They do not seek to balance the two concepts as much as they seek to be conscious about their actions and their words. Yet, to do this well, we need to further unpack each concepts. 

Words Matter

First, when it comes to the concept of words matter, the difficulty for many leaders is for them to realize that speaking is a form of action. The words they choose to use reflect the commitments they have and will keep. In large companies, or ones spread out over a wide geography, actions may only be seen by a few people in a specific location. However, words are heard and shared by many people. They can, and will impact many people in a large company. Therefore, leaders need to choose their words as carefully as their choose their actions.

As Krista Tippett wrote in her book, Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living (Penguin Press, 2016): “I take it as an elemental truth of life that words matter. This is so plain that we can ignore it a thousand times a day. The words we use shape how we understand ourselves, how we interpret the world, how we treat others. From Genesis to the aboriginal songlines of Australia, human beings have forever perceived that naming brings the essence of things into being. The ancient rabbis understood books, texts, the very letters of certain words as living, breathing entities. Words make worlds.” This is a profound truth. In the world of leadership, words make worlds. They shape understanding and create clarity on so many levels. 

But, given current events, we must remember an important insight shared by the Irish poet David White: “Our language is not large enough for the territory in which we have entered.” Over the last six months, I have visited with many leaders who are struggling to find the right words to describe what is happening within and outside themselves, their organizations, and their teams. They are struggling in part, because the old words they used in the past don’t fully capture what is happening. Their old words don’t work unless they include significant “unpacking,” i.e. explaining the core definitions of the words themselves. As philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein noted, “The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.” And right now a lot of leaders feel limited by what to say and how to say it. 

For example, right now two words in particular are hard for leaders. The first word is change. In one context, the word change can mean doing something better. In another context, it can mean doing something different. The difficulty is that the leader understands the definition, but the listener may not understand which definition is being used. The same goes for the second word, namely system. The dictionary provides us with three different definitions: “a regular interaction or interdependent group of items forming a unified whole,” “an organized or establish procedure,” or a “harmonious arrangement or pattern.” Again, if the listener does not know which definition the leader is referencing, e.g. the focus on a unified whole or an established procedure, the potential for miscommunication could impact the capacity to plan or the capacity to execute a plan. Therefore, it is critical that we spend time defining the definition of the words we use as leaders rather than simply using them. 

For as we all know, “Language is our portal to meaning-making, connection, healing, learning, and self-awareness,” writes Brene Brown in her book,  Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience (Random House, 2021). “Having access to the right words can open up entire universes…. Language shows us that naming an experience doesn’t give the experience more power, it gives us the power of understanding and meaning.” Eduardo Bericat, a sociology professor at the University of Seville, says “As human beings we can only experience life emotionally.” And the challenge right now is that we are dealing with issues that are emotional and conceptual, especially as we struggle with the mix of technical problems and adaptive challenges. Given, we are struggling  with the words and how to explain what is happening, I am reminded of something Barbara Brown Taylor wrote in her book, Holy Envy: Finding God in the Faith of Others (HarperCollins, 2019): “Eventually people began to understand that not everything could be said in words.” 

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

And this leads me to the second concept, namely actions speak louder than words. When teaching people about how to become a better leader, we first need to help them learn that their presence makes a statement. Remembers words and speaking are a form of action. But your choice as a leader to where and when you show up is often more important than what you say when you are there. Being present, and a presence is a powerful combination. 

Second, we need to help them build more trust within their relationships, teams, and their organizations as a whole. Now as we all know, followers place their trust in their leaders to make wise decisions and to manage people in a respectful manner. In the beginning of building more trust, we must recognize that the desire for trust, compassion, stability, and hope are all intertwined. Working on one of these four elements, i.e. trust, we need to be mindful of the other three, especially in the ways we role model and engage with others, plus how we hold other people accountable for their choices and behaviors. 

Next, we must recognize that there are different levels of trust. One level is personal trust, where employees place their trust in their manager. Then, there is strategic trust, where employees place their trust in the team they are on, and, at the same time, in the senior team that is running the organization and making the right strategic decisions. Finally, there is organizational trust, which is based not in any one individual, but in the company itself. These different levels need to be discussed and unpacked with people learning to be better leaders. They need to grasp the implications when it comes to the way they speak and the way they role model these different levels of trust in the organization. For those who want to learn more about this subject, I encourage them to read the following article called "The Enemies of Trust" by Robert Galford and Anne Seibold Drapeau in the February 2003 issue of the Harvard Business Review.

Building Team-Based Trust

One particularly important level of trust is team-based trust. The best resource for people learning about this is to read the following book: Lencioni, Patrick. The Advantage: Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else in Business (Jossey-Bass, 2012). As he writes, “If an organization is led by a team that is not behaviorally unified, there is no chance that it will become healthy….Becoming a real team requires an intentional decision on the part of its members…. teamwork is not a virtue. It is a choice - and a strategic one.” Then, he notes something important about leadership teams. As he explains, “A leadership team is a small group of people who are collectively responsible for achieving a common objective for their organization.” The key at this point is for the team to know two things. One, they need to know the team’s purpose, and two, they need to understand what is the common objective or goal that the team needs to accomplish. Often, when I was brought in as a consultant to figure out why a certain team was struggling, it came down to these two factors, namely a lack of understanding about purpose, and a lack of clarity about the objective or the goal that the team was trying to accomplish. 

Now, when we dive into to the role modeling element of trust building at the team level, it becomes abundantly clear that the best team leaders are able to engage in vulnerability-based trust. This level of trust begins when leaders are willing to openly share about their challenges, blind spots, mistakes, and fear with others. When this happens in an authentic and safe manner, it indicates to the team that everyone on the team has areas of growth and must continue growing as people and as leaders. As this happens collectively, the team leader must hold all accountable for acting in a responsible and respectful manner. This too helps people continue to grow and get better in their jobs. 

Along this line of thinking, Lencioni notes something important. “The reason that behavioral accountability is more important than the quantitative, results-related kind has nothing to do with the fact that it is harder, “ explains Lencioni. “It is due to the fact that behavioral problems almost always precede - and cause - a downturn in performance and results.” So by role modeling vulnerability-based trust and not tolerating destructive behaviors, team leaders understand this key point in Lencioni’s writing: “The ultimate point of building greater trust, conflict, commitment, and accountability is one thing: the achievement of [collective] results.” And that is why the building of trust on multiple levels is so important. 

Creating Relational Spaces

Third, we need to create, maintain, and support more relational spaces. The idea about the importance of relational spaces comes from the book, The Moral Imagination: The Art and Soul of Building Peace ( Oxford University Press, 2005)by John Paul Lederach. When I reflect on all the work I have done in my career, it is the development of relational spaces that was the biggest catalyst for success. Now, some will point to the teaching of content during all the workshops, seminars, and keynotes that I did, but I believe it was the building and supporting of the relational spaces created during the learning journey that made the teaching and consulting transformational. By creating a safe and respectful space for learning and sharing, relationships could be built and expanded on over time. 

However, upon much reflection, I believe there were two elements that made the difference. First, referencing a social worker’s perspective, we met people where they were, not where we hoped they’d be. This is a subtle, but profound distinction. Second, we often engaged in dialogue and sharing around the following three questions: Where are we?, How did we get here from there?, and How do we get there from here?. Again, this seems to be such a simple, if not subtle, distinction. But I am thoroughly convinced that these three questions opened doors to valuable discussions about meaning and purpose, not just work, goals and outcomes. While the later is important, it is the former that helps people move forward through the normal chaos and change that comes with executing a plan and delivering an outcome. As Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall in their book, Nine Lies About Work: A Freethinking Leader’s Guide to the Real World (Harvard Business Review Press, 2019), remind us: “Instead of cascading goals, instead of cascading instructions for actions, we should cascade meaning and purpose. It is shared meaning that creates alignment, and this alignment is emergent, not coerced. Whereas cascaded goals are a control mechanism, cascaded meaning is a release mechanism…. Our people don’t need to be told what to do; they want to be told why.” And it all begins with creating safe, and respectful relational spaces. 

Shared Understanding

Over the years, I have listened to many leaders say that “awareness is not understanding.” And I have quoted this line multiple times myself. The assumption by many is that the goal of leadership is to create understanding, because it is the foundation of clarity. 

While I recognize this perspective, I would propose that once people understand the aforementioned two core concepts, namely words matter and actions speak louder than words, and follow this by embracing the genius of the AND, then they will realize that the real goal is to create shared understanding. For when we have transcended the individual level of understanding to a collective level of understanding, then we are on the pathway to improved collaboration, commitment, and advocacy. We are moving in the collective direction to rise to the challenges before us and to meet them with thoughtful and creative solutions. Yet, in the beginning, we need to help people become betters leaders, and we need to role model the process as well. For in the end, we must be the change we wish to see in the world, not just talk about the need for change in the world. 

© Geery Howe 2025

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Three Emerging Patterns And How To Respond - part #2

Three Professional Choices

First, I believe leaders, managers, and front line supervisors need to get better at coaching and checking in with people. In particular, I believe they need to focus on helping people prioritize and make better decisions. I point this out, because so many new employees are joining companies during this time of disorder and turbulence. They have no idea or experience of what is “normal operations.” I also believe that more and more, current employees have lost the memory of how “normal operations” ran. All involved, new and old employees, are hoping for some level of order and predictability at work, but we have not experienced this in a very long time. As we all remember, it was challenging before the arrival of COVID in March of 2020. Since then, it has just been one overwhelming crisis or adaptive challenge after another. And so we arrive at this time period, struggling with how to prioritize when everything feels urgent and important. 

When this happens, I encourage leaders, managers, and front line supervisors to read or reread the following article called “Making Judgment Calls: The Ultimate Act of Leadership” by Noel Tichy and Warren Bennis in the October 2007 issue of the Harvard Business Review. I also encourage them to read or reread the following book by Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman called First, Break All The Rules: What The World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently. (Simon & Schuster, 1999). The suggested article creates common language around decision-making, and a framework for thoughtful rather than reactive decision-making. It creates a place where all involved can discuss the important steps that need to be made that lead to a productive outcome. On the other hand, for experienced leaders, managers, and front line supervisors, the suggested book reviews the research about managing people, focusing on clarifying expectations and building on individual strengths. For people who are new to leadership, management, and supervision, the suggested book introduces them to core concepts that have yielded positive outcomes and successful results for over 25 years. The combination of these two resources can be extremely helpful during challenging time periods. 

Second, I believe leaders, managers, and front line supervisors need to get better at building and maintaining healthy teams. One of the most difficult elements that has happened as a result of current events is that many teams have broken down into sub-groups where an us vs them mentality has overtaken teamwork and team spirit. While there are no quick and easy fixes that can solve this problem, there are two wonderful resources that can assist in the development of betters teams. The first is a classic now, and is a wonderful place to start. Even if you have read it in the past, I would encourage leaders, managers, and front line supervisors to reread the following book: Lencioni, Patrick. The Five Dysfunctions of a Team (Jossey-Bass, 2002). It is always good to review the fundamentals. The second resource is a superb article by Martine Haas and Mark Mortensen called “The Secrets of Great Teamwork” which can be found in the June 2016 issue of the Harvard Business Review. This is my go-to coaching article when helping people who are struggling with their current team, because it gives practical advice and counsel on how to deal with many current and emerging problems related to teamwork. I consider it a must read for anyone who is new to leadership, management, and supervision. I also consider it a must review in order for experienced leaders to be better prepared for the coming 12-18 months. 

Third, I believe leaders, managers, and front line supervisors need to get better at making sure that strategic and operational collaboration continues. The current combination of technical problems and adaptive challenges are not going away. A matter of fact many of them are actually becoming more and more intertwined, where some certain elements are technical and other elements are extremely adaptive. This makes teamwork more difficult, and collaboration nearly impossible. The outcome of this difficult combination is that shared planning and execution, especially in the areas of sharing of resources and key information, to be both complicated and complex.

Therefore, I have recommend one article and one book to help all involved figure out how to move forward through this situation. The article is called “8 Ways to Build Collaborative Teams” by Linda Gratton and Tamara J. Erickson in the November 2007 issue of the Harvard Business Review. I have used this in the past and had good success in helping leaders, managers, and supervisors figure out how to build and maintain relationships during such times, and, in particular, how to role model collaborative behaviors. I also recommend reading or rereading the following book: Sutton, Robert I and Huggy Rao. Scaling Up Excellence: Getting To More Without Settling For Less (Crown Business, 2014.). One unique element that is common during times of this nature is that when solutions are created, all involved attempt to scale them up so that they become a company wide solution. The difficulty is that the solution may be elegant, but the scaling process is turbulent. This is not the result of a bad solution. Instead, it reflects a lack of understanding of how successful scaling works, and what needs to be in place in order for it to be sustainable. This book is the best one I have found to date on this subject and I routinely recommend it to leaders, managers, and front line supervisors who are struggling during complex and complicated times. 

The combination of all three of the aforementioned choices are important. However, they will not generate instant success. Instead, when done consistently over time, they will generate perspective, new insights, and capacity. For when we seek to lower the temperature around change, and when we seek to create progress in the midst of complexity, sometimes the convergence of small, but important choices can be the turning point that helps people come together and stay together in spite of what is happening all around them.

Three Personal Choices

During the last seven months, people have shared with me on multiple occasions that they have woken up in the morning, looked at what was happening in the world, and then they have wanted to pull up the covers, roll over, and go back to sleep. They just want to skip the entire day and move on to another day. This is because they feel hopeless about what is happening, and they feel tremendous frustration about the choices various people are making. For them, the world feels like a place where people have lost perspective and clarity. They also feel, on one level, like life has become meaningless. 

As I listen to the depths of this despair and anguish, I realize the truth of what theologian Rob Bell wrote when he defined despair as “the belief that tomorrow will be just like today.” And this is what people are feeling on a routine basis right now. So, what should we do when we feel lost in a sea of hurt?

First, we need to remember that grief is normal, and is made up of three elements, namely loss, longing, and a feeling of being lost. As David Kessler writes, “Each person’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed. That doesn’t mean needing someone to try to lessen it or reframe it for them. The need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining.” Whether we are caught in the stages of grief, i.e. denial, anger, bargaining, depression, or acceptance, Robert Neimeyer, a psychology professor at the University of Memphis and a clinician who is one of the world’s most prolific grief researchers, reminds us, “A central process in grieving is the attempt to reaffirm or reconstruct a world of meaning that has been challenged by loss.” 

Second, in order to rediscover a world of meaning and perspective, we need to expand our support network to include more allies and confidants. What most leaders do not realize is that as they move up into senior leadership positions within an organization, they often descend into larger periods of isolation where they feel separate and disconnected from others due to the pressures and expectations of the position. Making decisions as a leader in the midst of complexity is hard, draining, and anxiety producing. Therefore, we need people who can witness our grief, anguish, and despair, and not try to fix us in the process of their witnessing it. We also need people who can help us to process it, and provide perspective along the way. In short, we need allies and confidants who will not diminish our pain, but instead be completely present when we are hurting. 

Third, we need to be kind to ourselves in the midst of our struggles. As Christopher Willard, PsyD explains, “Mindful self-compassion is the practice of recognizing and naming our experience of suffering. By connecting our suffering to the rest of humanity, we also recognize it as suffering and extend kindness to ourselves. Christopher Germer [clinical psychologist] says we practice self-compassion not to feel better, but simply because we feel bad.” 

Recognizing the important of self-compassion and kindness, we start this work by creating healthy boundaries. “Boundaries empower us,” writes Willard. “Not as a power over others, in a power from others. We become empowered with the choice to decide how much power other people, places, and things hold in our lives. In turn, we can choose how much they influence and impact our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. We begin to approach the world in a new way, with confidence and compassion, focusing on the potential, power, and relief it can bring.”  

For as we approach the world in this new way, Willard notes that “Self-compassion helps us to be okay with the fact that growth and healing happen on different timelines.” During times of complexity and dramatic change, we must make important choices about hope to cope personally. This will include recognizing and working with our grief, choosing to build a larger support network of allies and confidants, and showing ourselves some kindness and self-compassion. All three of these personal choices will result in growth and healing, just not on the same timeline. And we need to be okay with that as we move step by step through each new day. 

In The Shelter Of Each Other

We live in a world right now that is challenging and difficult. All around us, we are witnessing choices that are creating anger, grief, anxiety, and fear. As a result, people are struggling and hurting, wondering what to do, and where to go next. 

In the beginning, we need to understand the differences between our problems and our challenges. Next, we need to build safe and respectful holding environments where feelings and facts can be shared and explored as we attempt to build realistic solutions. As we engage in adaptive leadership practices, we can get better at coaching and checking in with people, at building and maintaining healthy teams, and at supporting strategic and operational collaboration. At the same time on the personal front, we can remember that grief is normal, and we can expand our support network, plus choose kindness and mindful self-compassion. 

But in the end, on the days that are most difficult, we must pause and recall an old Irish saying: “It is in the shelter of each other that people live.” We need each other if we are going to move through these times is a sane and healthy manner. We need to be shelter for each other on our best days and on our most difficult days. As the late Irish priest and poet John O’Donohue wrote, “In these times of greed and externality, there is such unusual beauty in having friends who practice profound faithfulness to us, praying for us each day without our ever knowing or remembering it. There are often lonesome frontiers we could never endure or cross without the inner sheltering of these friends. It is hard to live a true life that endeavors to be faithful to its own calling and not become haunted by the ghosts of negativity; therefore, it is not a luxury to have such friends; it is necessary.” And when we are a shelter for each other, we can move forward together and create a better world for all. 

Resources For Further Study:

- Charan, Ram. Leadership in the Era of Economic Uncertainty: The New Rules for Getting the Right Things Done in Difficult Times, McGraw Hill, 2009.

- Collins, Jim and Morten T. Hansen. Great By Choice: Uncertainty, Chaos, and Luck - Why Some Thrive Despite Them All, HarperCollins, 2011.

- Collins, Jim. How The Mighty Fall and Why Some Companies Never Give In, HarperCollins, 2009.

- Eurich, Tasha. Shatterproof: How to Thrive in a World of Constant Chaos (And why resilience alone isn’t enough) (Little, Brown Spark, 2025).

- “Heifetz, Ronald, Alexander Glasgow, and Marty Linsky. “Leadership in a (Permanent) Crisis”, Harvard Business Review, July-August 2009.

- Holiday, Ryan. The Obstacle Is The Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph, Penguin, 2014.

- Pascale, Richard T., Mark Millemann and Linda Gioja. Surfing The Edge of Chaos: The Laws of Nature and the New Laws of Business, Three Rivers Press, 2000.

- Weick, Karl E., and Kathleen M. Sutcliffe. Managing The Unexpected: Resilient Performance in an Age of Uncertainty. John Wiley & Sons, Inc, 2007.

© Geery Howe 2025

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change