In An Uncertain World

In a world where it feels like everything is in flux and uncertain, we yearn for stability, certainty, and clarity. We want things to make sense, but all we see, and experience is an incoherent universe, where there is no continuity, and maximum irregularity. As a result, we wake up each day feeling alone, exhausted, drained, and overwhelmed. 

The outcome of this on-going daily experience is that many people default to the path of least resistance. They feel like nothing matters anymore. They also feel hopeless about making progress, and meeting expectations at work and at home. 

Other people respond to this on-going daily experience by hitting the “power through button,” referencing the work of Brene’ Brown. They do this, because they don’t like messy, they don’t do messy, and they really can’t tolerate messy. While the former give up, the latter buckle down and push harder and harder, trying to create control and order in a world that is just absurdly crazy. The outcome of this choice is that people end up breaking apart and falling apart. And it happens at the mind, body, and social/emotional levels of life. Some even experience it at the spiritual level. Then, life just becomes even harder. 

As an executive coach, I meet with these two kinds of people on a regular basis. Both are struggling, and do not know where to go or what to do. So, the first thing I do is give them a phrase for what they are experiencing, namely disjointed incrementalism. I define this term as knowing where you want to go and what you want to be experiencing, but feeling not exactly sure of how to get there, or what to do along the way to get to this desired better place. Having a name for what we are experiencing moves something from the abstract to the concrete, and, over time, creates a pathway forward. 

Second, I encourage people to reach out and make a connection with others. Given current events, some people have forgotten that there was a time in history when there was no internet and no cell phones. During this time period, you had three choices for connecting. First, you could call someone on a land line and talk. Second, you could see them face to face and talk. Or, third, you could write them a letter and mail it. All three of these options created connections and were life giving. 

While I do call people on the phone, and I do meet with people face to face, I always find letter writing to be a powerful way to connect. This form of sharing takes time and energy, but it also can be cathartic. For when we write letters, we can move at the speed of thought and reflection, rather than the speed of software and connectivity. And in this special space, we can transcend the surface of our lives and move deeper into the wholeness of our lives, uncovering new insights and perspectives. Furthermore, when we receive a letter in the mail, we have a tangible record of the connection that was created and shared. This depth of connection is rarely experienced in a text or an e-mail, simply because we do not print them off and save them for future reading or re-reading. 

A long time ago, I lived in rural Vermont for a year. In order to mail a letter or to receive a letter, I had to walk over a mile to the mail box alongside a nearby asphalt road. I did this routinely no matter the weather. And on the day that a letter came, my spirits were lifted and I looked forward to reading this letter once I walked back to the cabin where I was living. 

Nowadays, there are many ways to connect. The key when experiencing disjointed incrementalism is to consciously choose to connect in a form that is meaningful and intentional. Then, we need to share our whole selves with people, especially those who can be present to what we are experiencing, and who will not try to fix us as much as be present and supportive. This unique group of people recognize that the goal in life is not perfectionism, but instead to experience joy, self-improvement, and the courage to love and live into life’s challenges and celebrations. For when we connect with these kinds of people, we come to understand that we are not alone, even when we are hurting or struggling with how to move forward. 

Third, as an executive coach, I often remind people of this short phrase from the book, Dare To Lead: Brave Work, Tough Conversations, Whole Hearts (Random House, 2018) by Brene’ Brown: “Trust is built in small moments.” I think the challenge given our current and on-going experiences is that we do not create these small moments in our lives. Furthermore, I don’t believe we are open to them, or are willing to be present to them, even when they show up. 

Instead, many people hope for a singular moment of transformation, where a mind-blowing epiphany generates a feeling of profound clarity and certainty. While these do occasionally happen during life’s journey, the majority of living into clarity happens during the small, common moments where we come to understand something or experience something that opens the door to new insights and perspectives. 

For me, in my personal and professional life, these special small moments often happen over a meal, a cup of coffee with friends, or when I am with my kitchen table cabinet, i.e. my circle of mentors and advisors who help me to stay centered in the midst of the whirling winds of change and turbulence. For when I choose to make time and space for these people, and when I discipline myself to keep making regular time and space for these people in my life, trust is built and the resulting connections generated from our time together allow me to move from unaware to aware, and ultimately to a level of understanding that is powerful and immensely helpful. 

Fourth, as an executive coach, I often encourage people to remember what is precious in their life, and to not loose touch with it. I think one of the common problems these days is that we get so busy and overwhelmed with details, lists, and expectations placed upon us by ourselves and others, that we are no longer are connected to the things that give our lives meaning and purpose. As Ajajn Chah, a Thai Buddhist monk, once said: ”It’s like we’re riding a horse and asking, ‘Where’s the horse?’.” In essence, we’ve lost touch with the metaphorical horse, and wonder how to find it in the midst of racing around trying to get everything done and organized. 

When I find myself in this space, and caught in go mode, I need to pause and remember the advice and counsel of Charlie Mackesy in his delightful book, The Boy, The Mole, The Fox And The Horse (HarperOne, 2019): “When big things feel out of control, focus on what you love right under your nose.” And when I pause and focus on my heart, I rediscover the blessing of my dearly beloveds, a phrase my late father used for the most special people in his life. These are the people who are most dear to me and who make my life meaningful, purposeful, and precious. These are the people who make me want to be a better person. These are the people who open my eyes to see the sacred within the ordinary, and the “miraculous in the mundane,” referencing the writings of Pittman McGehee, a Jungian analyst, author, and Episcopal priest. And because of them, I feel blessed beyond measure and a sense of peace that in time, all will be well. 

Current events will continue to be challenging, and the road ahead will be filled with significant and uncomfortable turbulence. Nevertheless, when we recognize that we are experiencing disjointed incrementalism and that this is normal, we can choose to strengthen our connections with others and recognize that trust is built in small moments. Furthermore, we also can remember what is precious and meaningful in our life, and choose to stay in touch with these important people. For in the grand scheme of life, I think we need to remember one more wise bit of advice and counsel shared by Charles Mackesy in the aforementioned book: “Always remember you matter, you’re important and you are loved, and you bring to this world things no one else can.” And as we do this, we will transform ourselves and the entire world around us. 

© Geery Howe 2025

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Thoughts on History and Social Geography

A couple of years ago, I read a book by David Attenborough called A Life on Our Planet: My Witness Statement and A Vision for the Future (Grand Central Publishing, 2020). In it, he describes something called Shifting Baseline Syndrome, which was discovered decades ago in the fisheries industry. As he points out, knowledge is lost over time about the state of the natural world, because people don’t perceive subtle changes that are actually taking place within it. Furthermore, this loss of knowledge and perspective is perpetuated when each new generation perceives the environmental conditions in which they grew up as normal. This, in part, explains why people are currently accepting the decline of environmental conditions.

When we translate this idea into the business world, we come to recognize that each new generation defines normal by what they are experiencing right now. Furthermore, because of their current work experiences, they do not know, or grasp what normal was for previous generations. It also explains why people’s standards for acceptable work conditions, i.e. an incremental lowering of standards or redefining of expectations about work standards, are steadily declining or changing over time. In sum, the outcome of this shifting baseline is that each new generation, lacking the knowledge about the history of previous conditions within which people worked, do not grasp the dramatic impacts it has on the current social geography, i.e. the way individuals and groups interact with each other at work. 

Next, when people do not understand the strategic history of a company and do not recognize that past markets conditions influenced past strategic choices, then they do not comprehend how the past is still impacting the current strategy and the current social geography within the company. Nor, for that matter, will they understand how current systems and networks are functioning, or not functioning due to the impact of these past choices. 

Having coached leaders for decades, I often remember the past and see how the past is impacting the current situations that certain leaders are struggling with at this time period. As a former history teacher, I routinely want to quote Winston Churchill from his 1948 speech to the British House of Commons: “Those that fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” In basic terms, Churchill is noting that we are likely to repeat the mistakes of the past if we do not learn from history and the experiences of others. 

Now, at it’s most basic level, history is the study of events that happened in the past. But, I think we need to comprehend something that John Paul Lederach noted in his book, The Moral Imagination: The Art And Soul Of Building Peace (Oxford University Press, 2005), namely that there are different levels of history. First, there is remembered history, which are the stories we learned from others. Second, there is lived history, which are the past experiences we personally lived through during any given time period. Next, there is shared history, which are the experiences we personally lived through with others in the organization and in the world around us. Finally, there is current history, which are the experiences that are happening right now which will quickly become history. All four of these histories can create the narrative we tell ourselves and others about what is happening right now, and the why is it happening. All four of these histories shape our social geography and the choices we are making each and every day. 

Given current events, most leaders want to answer the why question when it comes to choices being made by them and the company. They also want to talk about mission and purpose rather than talk about history and past choices. However, very few leaders are good at answering the why question, because they do not understand the history that created current events, and they do not understand the current social geography that was created by it. 

Therefore, many leaders skip the why question and instead focus on the message: “Let’s just get things done!” They don’t realize that execution reflects the convergence of experience, which is the sum of history, and social geography. Furthermore, these same leaders do not want to invest the resources or energy into creating a time and space to explore and discuss history. They also do not comprehend that this could dramatically move the social geography within the company. In short, they do not grasp that commitment, not authority, actually produces results, and that commitment happens over time, and reflects in-depth sharing and dialogue. As Margaret Wheatley remind us, “… most social change initiates or is shaped by a single traceable conversation.” Making time for this depth of conversation can change history and change relationships, but it also can dramatically impact our current ability to execute strategy.

As Winston Churchill shared, “To each, there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.” Now is that special moment where we have a chance to do a very special thing. What a tragedy it will be if we miss this opportunity to discuss history and social geography. Because by doing so, we could create clarity and commitment. Then, we could rise to the challenges before us, and this could be our finest hour.

© Geery Howe 2025

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

When Preparing For 2026

Introduction

As we come to the end of this roller coaster ride of a year, I again am asked the same question by multiple people: “So, what are the trends you are seeing and hearing these days as an executive coach?”. The other question I am being asked is “How should we prepare for 2026?” My response to both of these good questions has revolved around four specific areas of concern.  

Feeling Wildly Overwhelmed By Complexity

First, many leaders are feeling wildly overwhelmed by complexity. They are beyond just being busy. Now, they are consumed and overtaken by the volume, magnitude and scope of stuff flying at them, and all around them every day. These endless waves of details and unknowns are exhausting, mind-numbing, and unrelenting. 

When I listen to what they are experiencing, I am reminded of a quote by Julius Caesar describing how he handled an unexpected simultaneous attack by the Nervii at three different points on his flanks, while part of his troops were crossing a river and another part was setting up camp. As he wrote: “Omnia uno tempore agenda. [Everything had to be done at once]”. The outcome of this constant feeling of being overwhelmed is that all goals and priorities are lost in the tsunami of details, because everything has ended up in the important and urgent box, even if most of it is neither important or urgent. However, I think there is a bigger problem that is behind this feeling, and this response to accelerated complexity. 

Right now, too many leaders are defaulting to a form of leadership based on execution-as-efficiency rather than execution-as-learning. Amy Edmondson in her article called “The Competitive Imperative of Learning” (July-August 2008, Harvard Business Review) explains that the paradigm of execution-as-efficiency is based on leaders providing all the answers, employees following directions, and feedback being typically one-way (from the boss to employee) and corrective in nature (“You’re not doing it right.”). As Edmondson notes, “an execution-as-efficiency model results in employees who are exceedingly reluctant to offer ideas or voice questions or concerns. Placing value on getting things right the first time, organizations are unable to take the risks necessary to improve.” And, as we all know, and she points out, “ ... flawless execution cannot guarantee enduring success in a knowledge economy.” I would also add that flawless execution does not guarantee success in the midst of complexity either. 

On the other hand, the execution-as-learning paradigm is based on leaders setting direction and articulating the mission, employees (usually in teams) discovering answers, and feedback always being two-way, namely the leader gives feedback in the form of coaching and advice; team members give feedback about what they’re learning from doing the (ever-changing) work. While this form of leadership may seem unrealistic when one is wildly overwhelmed by complexity, I think it is the smarter choice, because when leaders are overwhelmed, they routinely default to three things, namely control, order, and predictability. As they seek to get everything and everyone around them under control, in order, and acting predictably, the cost of this choice is that psychological safety quickly declines, and silos are quickly created. 

Then, all involved, leaders and followers, end up in an anxiety zone where people fear offering ideas or trying new things. They also fear making a decision. Thus, they bring everything, all adaptive, technical, crisis level problems, to the leader to decide. When  this undercurrent of fear becomes the driver of all choices, the resulting decline in confidence, choice, connection, and clarity becomes a downward spiral to mediocrity over excellence, and chronically inconsistent levels of collaboration and customer service.

Missing Key Skill Sets

Second, many leaders are missing key skill sets that will assist them in handling these current issues and problems. In particular, I am hearing about many examples of inadequate coaching, and extremely poor delegation taking place at various levels within a diverse number of organizations. 

Now, when it comes to the subject of coaching, we need to remember that there are two different types. The first and most common is transactive coaching, which is the transferring of competencies, skills and/or techniques from one individual to another. In essence, this is the “I know something you don’t know and thus I will teach you how to do it,” i.e. a focus on skills and knowledge. The second is transformational coaching, which is focused on shifting someone's view about their work, their understanding of the larger picture, and/or their role or purpose within the company. In essence, this kind of coaching is focused on helping people see and understand the world around them, which, in time, will build a new level of willingness, commitment, and understanding.

However, when leaders are wildly overwhelmed by complexity, most coaching sessions are postponed or skipped in order to get more things done. If they do happen, the leader defaults to “tell me your problems and I will fix them, or solve them for you.” This results in an unhealthy and co-dependent relationship. 

Yet, there is a way to make coaching sessions better. In the beginning, the simplest way to do this is to define, and then utilize a framework. I often encourage young leaders to focus on four specific areas in their coaching, namely people, structure, systems, and culture. Next, I ask them to have their direct reports report to them on how these four areas are doing. If a problem in any one of these four areas surfaces, the coach needs to ask the person what they think is a possible solution to this problem. Then, depending on their recommendation, it will be clear whether this is a moment for transactive coaching or transformational coaching. But in the beginning, middle, and end, the goal is to prevent problem dumping or problem transference to the coach. Having a framework can make a major difference in coaching and problem solving. 

The other missing skill set is effective delegation. First, all involved need to understand that delegation is the transferring of authority and responsibility from one person to another in order to carry out a specific activity. However, in the midst of overwhelming complexity, most leaders default to dumping on their direct reports without creating any clarity about how much authority or responsibility they have to solve the problem. This results in action without clarity or commitment. 

But if we step back from the press of issues and problems, the act of delegation revolves around issues of control, choice, and results. Leaders always want results. Those who are being delegated to want to know how much control they have, and what are the parameters for action, i.e. what are the choices they can make. When these are discussed in advance, delegation is a powerful choice. But, if they are assumed or not discussed, then more often than not people will choose the path of least resistance, or assume they have complete authority and responsibility, causing possibly dangerous levels of impact, or even the setting of precedent. Given current events, we must help people become better at coaching and delegation. There is no way through complexity if we just focus on telling people what to do, and resolving every problem that is handed to us because of our position within the organization. 

The Difference Between Strategic Leadership And Operational Leadership 

Third, many leaders are confused about the difference between strategic leadership, and operational leadership. I think this is happening because leaders are overwhelmed with the endless amount of work that needs to get done. 

When I encounter this as an executive coach, I always turn to the work of Joel  Kurtzman and his book, Common Purpose: How Great Leaders Get Organizations to Achieve The Extraordinary (Jossey-Bass 2010). As he writes, “Strategic leaders are people within organizations who plot the course... Strategic leaders generally can think far into the future...The best of these people understand where the future is going and how to get there.” Then he explains, “The role of operational leaders is quite different from those of strategic leaders. Operational leaders make certain the trains run on time, the manufacturing processes are adequate, the logistics systems work, the technicians are well trained, and the the trucks are where they are supposed to be.... like strategic leaders, operational leaders are vital to an organization’s success.” Currently, we need both kinds of leadership, and we need people to be conscious of when they are engaging in each form of leadership, i.e. making the trains run on time, or thinking far into the future. 

But as we dive deeply into the two forms, we need to remember something that is essential to success. As James March and Thierry Weil point out, “There are two essential dimensions of leadership: ‘plumbing,’ i.e., the capacity to apply known techniques effectively, and ‘poetry,’ which draws on a leader’s great actions and identity and pushes him or her to explore unexpected avenues, discover interesting meanings, and approach life with enthusiasm.” 

Plumbing and poetry are wonderful metaphors to helping people become better at leading others, and better at working together as a team toward successful outcomes. From my vantage point, we need to thoughtfully prepare for the coming new year, and to recognize that a lot of people are experiencing cognitive overload and a great deal of decision-fatigue. When we help them with both plumbing and poetry, operationally and strategically, we will be helping people think more clearly before they engage in action. 

Struggling With What Is The Right Strategy And Vision For The Future

Fourth, many leaders are struggling with what is the right strategy and vision for the future. To understand this situation, we need to step back and look at two different things at the same time. First, we must recognize that what feels like a hot mess right now is actually a normal stage of change, i.e. a past order is moving through a period of  disorder, and then will ultimately move to a new level of order. I like to call this time of disorder the trough of chaos. Now some, at this time period, would call this a Grand Canyon of Chaos, but whatever the name, things are changing quickly, and are very complex, all at the same time. 

Second, we need to understand what is strategy, and what does the word vision mean. Strategy is defined as an extensively premeditated, carefully built, long term plan designed to achieve a particular goal. At the exact same time, it needs to be adaptable due to unforeseen variables rather than presenting a rigid set of instructions or tactics, which has the potential to create organizational vulnerability. Strategy also serves an important function in promoting ongoing evolutionary success of the company. In short, strategy is an adaptable and evolutionary plan. 

Vision, on the other hand, is often defined as a destination that inspires, orients, and aligns people. Warren Bennis in an article called “Leaders of Leaders” (Executive Excellence, September 1997) writes “Leaders create not just a vision, but a vision with meaning - one with significance, one which puts the players at the center of things rather than at the periphery.” In particular, this definition of vision focuses on a shared vision, namely one that holds meaning and significance to the people involved, and who will be executing the strategy that moves the organization toward this vision. 

Given current events, the challenge with the concept of vision is that people want to translate this into a specific picture, i.e. a visual image of what they want the company to become. However, given the continued acceleration of change and the dynamic turbulence that comes with it, I don’t think we can create a realistic picture of the future. Instead, I believe we need to redefine the concept of vision from an image or picture to a mindset, i.e. one of ownership, commitment, meaning, and understanding. 

As to the idea of vision being more a mindset than a destination, I believe we need to do this because the future is so highly unpredictable. As former US secretary of defense, Donald Rumsfeld pointed out: “There are known knowns, things we know we know; and there are known unknowns, things we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns, things we do not know we don’t know.” While many leaders are focusing on the next possible unknown unknown, which is typically called a “black swan” event, e.g. think about another COVID like event, I instead think we need to focus on the current known unknowns, e.g. the short and long term impact of AI. We may not have definitive answers or solutions to these known unknowns, but we can develop a collective mindset about how to approach them, and how to work through their potential impact. 

As Aiko Bethea noted, “There is no growth or transformation without expansiveness.” And right now, we need expansive mindsets that zoom out before zooming in order to figure out how to move forward. For in the end, we need to create adaptive strategies and adaptive mindsets that empower people to move forward with clarity and commitment. 

The Problem With The Future

“The problem with the future,” writes Arnold Glasow, “is that it usually arrives before we’re ready for it.” Given the roller coaster of a year that we experienced to date, I don’t know if we are completely ready for what is coming in the new year. However, I am certain that many leaders are feeling wildly overwhelmed by complexity, and many leaders are missing key skills sets to handle what is happening and what might be happening in the new year. I also believe many leaders do not understand the difference between strategic leadership and operational leadership. Finally, many leaders are struggling when it comes to figuring out what is the right strategy and vision for the future. 

Nevertheless, I am not feeling hopeless given the current state of affairs. For I know many leaders who are doing the right things to correct these problems. I also know many leaders who are actively engaged in productive, effective, and on-going planning. As Richard Farson Ph.D. reminds us, “Planning may not be effective at assessing the future, but it can be a good way to assess the present…. The process, not the product, is what is important. At its best, planning becomes a form of anticipatory, strategic thinking - the basis for organizational flexibility and readiness. That may be the most it can offer, but that’s a lot.” Creating a greater level of anticipatory, strategic level thinking along with greater levels of organizational flexibility and readiness is a solid foundation when we prepare for the near and long term future. 

There also is one more thing we need to do as we prepare for the new year. And that is to remember the wise counsel of the late Queen Elizabeth II when calling for national unity amid COVID-19 on April 25, 2022: “The pride in who we are is not a part of our past, it defines our present and our future.” We must remember and take solace in the understanding that we have risen to great challenges in the past, and that we have the capacity to do it again in the new year. For I have no doubt that given what I have lived through in my lifetime, we have the courage, the fortitude, and the capacity to do it again. As Melvin Evans wrote so many years ago, “The men [and women] who build the future are those who know that greater things are yet to come, and that they themselves will help bring them about. Their minds are illuminated by the blazing sun of hope. They never stop to doubt. They haven’t time.” While the future may be challenging, I hope all of us will let out minds and hearts be illuminated by the blazing sun of hope, and never doubt our commitment to make the world a better place place for all. 

© Geery Howe 2025

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Thoughts On Time

As I get older, I am often reminded of the saying, “The days are long but the years are short.” During our life journey, we can experience time moving in slow motion, especially when holding a sleeping grandchild in your arms. Yet, it also can feel like time has flown by when we look across the table and see our own child as the parent. 

Furthermore, as we get older, we have the opportunity to look at time from a much broader and more expansive perspective. Earlier this year, I reread the The Moral Imagination: The Art And Soul Of Building Peace (Oxford University Press, 2005) by John Paul Lederach. In it, he shares an African perspective about how someone isn’t truly dead until the last person who knew them has died. As he wrote, “Memory is a collective act by which people and the past are kept alive, present among us.”

This expansive perspective on time just stopped me in my tracks. I realized that when my older brother, my wife, and I have passed away, then my dear paternal grandmother will pass away, too. For, as best as I know, we are the last people who carry memories of her strong and indomitable spirit, her joy of living, and her loving kindness. 

This perspective also helped me think deeply about Lederach’s perspective on what he called the “expansive present” and the “meaning of the moment.” When we are willing to show up, pay attention, and be fully present, then time truly shifts from a clock based focus to something much bigger. As Lederach writes, “The past and future are not seen as dualistic, polar opposites. They are connected, like ends of a circle that meet and become seamless.” 

For me, this notion of time as a circle makes sense. In particular, when I think about long days and short years, I come to understand that life is one large circle, and that I am part of the circle. My past, my present, and my future are shaping the circle as much as the circle is shaping me. 

Then, during one of those precious moments, when I am holding a sleeping grandchild in my arms, I realize that my circle and my life are complete. For in that moment, we are connected, and time has become expansive and meaningful. And I am blessed to be present to the miracle of living in this moment with these loved ones all around me. 

© Geery Howe 2025

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change

Thoughts On Belonging

Many years ago, I read a book by Diane Tracy called The First Book of Common-Sense Management (William Morrow and Company, 1989). In this book, she asked the question, “Why do people join teams?”. To this day, her question and her answer continues to intrigue me. 

Tracy list the following five reasons for why people join teams. First, people join teams for security, because it is a place where members feel safe, and cared for. Second, people join teams for belonging because it provides identification. Next, people join teams for individuality, because the team recognizes and supports the valuable differences of its members. Fourth, people join teams for pride, because team members share in group achievements. Finally, people join teams for recognition, because the outside world respects the group as a more powerful entity than it would an individual.

When I reflect on all of the reasons people join teams, the one that seems particularly important to me is belonging. This is in part because I remembered something Mother Teresa wrote years ago: “The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of not belonging.” 

Right now, I believe many people are feeling like they do not belong. In a world filled with extreme polarities, people are choosing to disengage in order to stay safe. Yet, in their heart, they truly want to belong. They want to put down roots, and they want to be in a place where they can feel welcomed, safe, and able to make healthy connections with other people. In short, they want community. 

But, in order to achieve this desired experienced of belonging, we need to better understand what it means to belong. For this, I turn to the work of Brene’ Brown in her book, Braving The Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone (Random House, 2017). As she writes, “True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”

This notion that belonging requires us to be who we are requires us to recognize an important truth. “Our connection with others,” writes Brown, “can only be as deep as our connection with ourselves.” For me, this is the missing piece of the puzzle. Executive coach Lindsay Leahy grasped this when she wrote, “We lead with who we are, so to be a good leader, whether in our families, workplaces, or communities, we have to do the deep exploration and healing work to become our best selves.” 

And becoming our best selves is a commitment to a profound level of inner work over time. It is not completed during one weekend workshop or a singular inservice on self-care. Instead, it is a commitment and a discipline that takes time, energy, and support in order to sustain the focus and the effort. 

One element of the journey to belonging is bridge building. We need to do this on two different levels. We need to build a bridge back to our true self and we need to build bridges that connects us with others. As to the former process, American journalist and author Elizabeth Gilbert wrote: “Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as your friend.” I think many people have forgotten how to be their own best friend. They have lost this vital connection and are struggling to find it again. They do not know where to begin and how to do this work. 

At the same time, as many people are seeking safety and isolation over engagement and connection, the act of building a bridge that connects us with others is a huge and risky endeavor. It also requires great courage and patience. 

Upon reflection and personal experience, the beginning work that engages bridge building at both levels starts with finding safe and trust worthy relationship centered space. In the beginning, it may be only one person with whom you feel safe, with whom you can be friendly and a friend. But in time and with the support from experienced coaches, mentors, and counselors, we can rediscover a community of support, and a place where we belong. 

Still, in the beginning, we need to focus less on problem solving, the normal default solution that every leader turns to during times of challenge and difficulty, and instead focus on relationship building. For what we are seeking is to create a daily life experience that has a rich and vibrant social landscape. Then, when we find our people, we can create a fabric of social memory that we can turn to during tough times. 

What I have learned in my journey in life and during my work as an executive coach is that finding safe spaces takes time. We need to not assume that any space is going to be amazingly safe from the get-go. Instead, we we need to grow the space and take care of the space. 

Furthermore, as this space becomes safe, if not sacred, we also need to find our voice within it so we can share our story. The late Stephen Covey in his book, The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness (Free Press, 2004), writes that our voice” is the nexus of talent, passion, need and conscience (that still small voice within that assures you of what is right and that prompts you to actually do it).” I think this a great definition, because when we find our voice, we also inspire others to find their voice. This results in a feeling of belonging and kinship with fellow travelers in life’s great mysterious journey. 

For it is the combination of creating and maintaining safe spaces with a diversity of people, including ourself, plus the discovery of our voice, that yields one of the most amazing things, the sharing of our story and the gift of listening to the stories of others. Given all the travel, consulting, training and coaching I did around this country for 36 years, the most precious and amazingly impactful transformations took place, when we gathering around a table or in a circle of chairs and shared our stories, our questions, our frustrations, and our amazing moments of new insights, revelations and epiphanies. Through laughter, tears, and deep listening, we came to understand that we are all travelers and we are all trying our best to make a positive difference in the world. And in our finest moments, we realized that we were not alone. Instead, we are all in this together. We all belong. As Father Gregory Boyle wrote, “We don’t just walk each other home to wholeness; we are home to each other.” And this is the miracle of belonging. We truly are home to each other.

© Geery Howe 2025

Geery Howe, M.A. Executive Coach in Leadership, Strategic Planning, and Organizational Change