After a morning of four meetings in a row, she turned to me and said, “Let’s get out of here. I need pizza and a chance to visit with you alone.” So we walked out to her car, and went for pizza.
In a crowded restaurant, she just unloaded all her frustrations. “I pushed myself through college and got the best grades. I pushed myself to get into the best internships and got them. I pushed myself to get into this organization and got a position. Once in, I pushed myself to become a department head, and ultimately a member of the senior management team. I married the right man. We bought the right house. I got the right car. I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy child. I have sacrificed and worked hard to raise him up right. So, here I am, nearly burned out, almost bitter, and more than a bit cynical. All my goals have been reached before 30. So, now what do I do?”
The question is an important one. The answer is not a simple one. The realization that this has happened is a painful one.
Her question and our subsequent discussion reminded me of the phrase, obsessive-complusive productivity disorder, coined by Joe Robinson in the March 2007 issue of Fast Company magazine. It is the “I should be doing something all the time” tape that runs in our heads. It also is the feeling of “work guilt” when we are not working. It is based on the belief that our identity as a person is driven and dependent on our productivity, and our position. Therefore, we just keep pushing ourselves.
I think the same phrase could be applied to our life choices. There are times in our life when we become so focused on meeting the expectations placed on us by others and ourself, and by society as a whole, that we enter into an obsessive-compulsive form of living and working in order that we meet all these self-imposed and society supported goals. Rarely do we stop and reflect on whether or not these are the things we actually wanted to do. Instead, we do them because we feel we should be doing them. As a result, we just keep pushing even if the outcome is feeling burned out, bitter, and cynical as a result.
Given my personal and professional journey, I have been given the opportunity to visit with a wide diversity of courageous leaders, patients, nurses, parents, doctors, and even children, all whom have taught me important life lessons about living in a healthy manner. Here are two lessons I have learned from them.
First, it is important to define our priorities. In our rush to get everything done according to other peoples’ definitions of success, and in order to look perfect as we do this, we forget that everything in the world is created twice, once in the mind as a vision, goal or strategy, and second, as a sequence of personal choices. In computer terms, we are the programmer and the program. The challenge for all of us is that we have to let go of others’ expectations and rethink what we actually want to do. We need to reclaim a life based on our priorities. Goals may come and go over time. Goals may change as we move through the different seasons and stages of our life. But priorities can be the line of continuity through all of the ups and downs. For in an overcrowded life, we have adapted so many times that we have often loss a sense of what we really wanted in the first place. In essence, we have lost what makes life meaningful.
Second, it is important to practice renewal instead of just stress management. The poet Mark Nepo offers two important questions to help in this process: “How do I regain my wonder at being alive? What must I do to keep my heart from sinking?” When we ask the question, “So, now what do I do?”, we have become focused on our doing more than our being. We are running hard and harder to just stay in the same place. But if we embrace renewal rather than just stress management, we return to the place of wonder, and recognize the gift of being alive. We also choose to live more from our heart rather than just from our head. In short, we reclaim the gift of life and find that the gifts inherent in life.
Over the course of our life journey, there will be days when we will need to ask the question, “So, now what do I do?”. And there will be days when we struggle to move forward. Nevertheless, with time, patience, support, and perspective, we can rebuild the foundation of our life to be greater than just being productive. Then, we can rediscover the miracle within these days and the beauty of the gifts we have before us. For when this happens, we will discover a community of courageous people who are all seeking to create a life of meaning, purpose, and gratitude. And this will make a profound difference in all that we do, and all that we will become.
© Geery Howe 2025
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